Month: January 2012

I can’t live that way

I was at work the other day and I heard a song that I’ve heard a million times, but for some reason, THIS time I actually heard the lyrics. How often is it that we hear things that we’ve heard time and again, yet we have know idea what it says or means? I can sing almost every song on a particular station, but ask me to recall the actual words, forget it. But I digress.

Unwritten

The part of the song that struck a chord in me is as follows:

“I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way”

I know that this sentiment goes back to my previous post the other day, but I feel like I understood those words for the very first time when I was singing along while working away. I have to say it was one of those “ah ha!” kind of moments that people are so frequently talking about, as if a light bulb just switched on. I say this because I’ve always considered myself non-traditional. For many years, that was one of the ways I described myself to other people, as if it were my own personal adjective. However, the rest of the song is equally profound when I really listened to it.

This is the chorus:

“Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins”

If this isn’t a true example of living in the moment and experiencing awareness in this and every moment, I don’t know what is. The implications are vast and far reaching, but the meaning is so very simple. You have to live your life, on your terms, NOW.

I often feel guilty. I’m not sure why I’m riddled with this feeling even if it’s completely misplaced, but I do. I feel guilty for close to everything. I take blame for things I’ve got nothing to do with on a fairly regular basis and it’s maddening, I assure you. But part of my project is to rid myself of these feelings of guilt that are not mine for the taking, but that’s later. Anyway, I mention this because I feel guilty for wanting to live my life my way. I give good “face” and act like it doesn’t bother me, that I’m not an incredibly sensitive person when it comes to how others view me and that I’m just this person who doesn’t care one bit about “conforming”. I wish that I WAS the person, but things effect me very profoundly most of the time. I give off the vibe like it doesn’t bother me in hopes that someday, things like that won’t bother me. Which brings me to the core of my revelation: I am myself. Nobody else on this Earth, in this or any other Universe has the same thoughts, feelings, experiences or any other thing as me, in this combination. I’m 100% unique, except for some DNA coding, but that’s a bit too technical for this post… I am me. What a striking concept to figure out at almost 31 years old. I knew all of these things and many more for my whole life, but when I was the weird kid, the tall kid, the awkward kid; I was trying to conform. But once I embraced the idea that I’m ME, I felt more comfortable in my own skin.

I still struggle with being myself all the time, mainly because I’ve got intense pressures from outside sources to be something less than me, but my overriding principle for the start of my happiness quest is first and foremost to be AUTHENTIC. I cannot find true, lasting happiness if I’m not ME first. I’ll be chasing nothing more than a pipe dream if I cannot first accept myself, exactly as I am. And that’s also a core principle for Jodo Shinshu. The Buddha’s teachings are for everyone, just as they are. I finally understand that with stark clarity. Wow.

0

Efforts in futility

I first want to begin by saying, I am not an animal hoarder. I say this because my honey and I each had two dogs and then we moved in together, which brings us to four dogs. Granted, two of them are Chihuahuas, there are still four of them. A few months ago I then had the bright idea that I missed having a cat, since my former cat was struck down by a car one night in front of my old house. It took me several years to come to terms with that and move on to wanting to bring a feline friend into our home.

This brings me to my topic this fine Phoenix morning. Futility. As I’m 100% sure parents of small children and others with packs of animals can attest, there are daily reminders in our lives that our efforts sometimes, are futile. Point in case: as one can imagine with four dogs of various ages and sizes… ranging from 10 years old and 65 pounds to 4 years old and a whopping 7 pounds… there’s politics. Especially when they’re all boys, save for the big, old Mama dog, all of our pets are boys. All but one of them are neutered (and that will be remedied in the near future), yet there’s still this godawful instinct to show dominance in the form of urine. I cannot explain this behavior, I’ve tried. We have literally tried everything short of outdoor quarantine, diapers or making a frantic phone call to that blasted Caesar Milan.

Parents that I know agree that cleaning up after young children is similar to cleaning up after dogs. JUST as you manage to pick up the last Lego, your little bundle of energy manages to have dragged out their Play-Doh or watercolors and has already made a mess. That’s kind of how I feel as I’m mopping in true OCD fashion at 5:30 in the morning. I’m sorry, but there’s something absolutely wretched about stepping in any liquid with socks on, let alone pee. Just saying. Add in a 6 month old kitten to this manic cleaning, and it’s a recipe for disaster. It takes an incredible amount of willpower to not smack the cat with a wet mop every time he crosses over the spot that I JUST CLEANED in an attempt to attack said mop, especially when my honey is blissfully in dream land in the next room. We live in a small house and noise travels pretty readily.

So as I’m furiously mopping the floor (shout out to Nature’s Miracle, Clorox, and my new string mop), there are dogs strewn about the floor and furniture and I’m just going around them in a feverish attempt to “just get the big areas” so that I can focus on getting ready for work, and here comes the cat. He’s stalking the mop, behind the leg of the coffee table… then pounces! Behind the leg of the bar…. then pounces! Behind the stove… then pounces! All the while tracking dirt through my freshly cleaned (though panickedly so) floors. This my friends, is futility.

A good friend of mine, rest his soul, years ago was talking about when he first came to Buddhism. It was after he was hired as a security official to protect a monastery in the western outskirts of Phoenix where there was a horribly tragic rampage where several monks lost their lives. He was raised Baptist and was Agnostic at best at this time in his life, but found something in this temple that brought him to the Dharma. He began attending this particular temple after his duties as security were over. One day he was raking the rock garden there and every time he raked the whole garden, there were still more leaves where he’d just raked. He went to the leaves and raked them up. Then there were still more leaves. He raked those. And more. Rake. And yet more. Rake. One of the monks came by as he was feverishly raking for at least the fifth time and in a fit of frustration he asked the monk what to do about the leaves. The monk replied, “The tree has leaves. They will fall. This is karma.” My friend: “What do leaves have to do with my karma?” Monk: “Maybe it’s not just your karma.” My friend took a moment to contemplate that statement and then put the rake away.

Futility. There will always be leaves. Do your best and move on. Breathe.

1

Practice makes perfect and other silly things

I say that practice makes perfect is a silly thing simply because I suck at failure. Everyone’s heard the saying “doing something over and over again, yielding the same results is the definition of insanity” or some version of the same sentiment… I see imperfection as failure. So if I’m trying and trying and trying, but failing every time to meet my self proclaimed level of perfection, I feel defeated and kinda crazy. Part of the exercises for this and next month is to try and break that habit. I want to let go of “perfection” as I see it and “failure” as it relates to perfection. Just because something I do isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean I fail. But by calling it practice makes perfect, I’m able to reassess what perfection is to me. Is it getting all A’s this semester? While that would be perfection and I’m definitely striving for that end, I have to be ok with allowing myself a B or even a C without beating myself up over it. I had a hard time with this last semester. I just had to remember that my best, whatever that is for each and every thing I do, has to be good enough… “perfect” in it’s own rite. This also makes me mindful of my limitations, though I try to keep those to a minimum…

I think this is sort of a blanket feeling for all my goals this month, the idea of perfection. Because I’m focusing on Right Effort and Right Meditation, I have to sort of figure out if the INTENT is right, not necessarily the outcome. I have to say that every one of my goals: Decluttering, learning a new skill, dressing more “my age” sometimes, my 15 minute miracles and meditation, are INTENDED to be perfect and also a process of change and learning. I don’t know if it’s exactly possible for them to all be BOTH. I’m almost ready to say that my goals are my new skill for the months, simply because I’ve never undertaken a series of goals such as these, at least not in this way before. I’m learning the art of imperfection, growth and allowing myself to be, well… myself while doing and holding myself accountable for all these procedures.  When I think about them in the grand scheme of things, it’s a bit overwhelming.

But I guess it’s my version of shock therapy. I’m shocking myself into changing my thinking, acting and mindset, about just about everything.

This brings me to Benjamin Franklin. He was a drinking, a womanizer, a founding father of the US, an inventor and many other things… but he was also on a personal quest to find personal, moral perfection. He had 13 virtues that he was striving for, resolved to try and perfect each one in himself, created charts and tracked his own progress on these virtues. Here’s his list:

  1. “TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.”
  2. “SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”
  3. “ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.”
  4. “RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.”
  5. “FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”
  6. “INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.”
  7. “SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.”
  8. “JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.”
  9. “MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.”
  10. “CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.”
  11. “TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.”
  12. “CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.”
  13. “HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.”

As I read through these, I found that several of them are quite similar to what some of my goals are, more or less. It’s interesting that even hundreds of years ago, humans have been riddled with self reflection about many of the same topics. We are all striving, in some form or fashion, to achieve the same goals and “virtues”. I find it quite interesting that even before the advent of telecommunication, the internet, mass transit and all of the things we take for granted in modern society, we all just want to be better, more aware, more kind people. It gives me hope that I’m on the right track and also a bit humbling because even someone so decorated and admired through our country’s history, was imperfect himself… struggling to make himself better. It makes me feel less alone in my thinking that I can be happier in my daily life, I can be a better person and live a good, humble life.

Anyway, I thought that I would share some thoughts for the day. Happy Sunday to everyone! Feel free to share your thoughts and comments about this or any other topic. I read them all and accept them, as long as they’re not spam.

2

Finding Happiness Through Light and Illumination: Embracing Positive Change

The funny things about happiness…

Happiness can be elusive, but it’s something we can find in everyday moments, whether it’s through positive thinking, embracing Buddhist principles, or choosing light over darkness. Here’s how I’ve been practicing positivity in my daily life, despite the challenges.

Overall, I feel that happiness is a funny thing. Happiness is contagious, like laughter. On the other had so is sadness, misery (loves company, right?), anger and frustration. As one of my pillars of awareness/ quotes from The Happiness Project states  “It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light”.

I think this statement has deeper meaning than “weight”, however, and it fits perfectly within the concepts of Buddhist principles. We say that Amida Buddha is the Buddha of Infinite Light and Life. So in the statement, “light” can mean illumination. It is easy to fall into darkness, difficult to be illuminated. That’s a really profound and, for lack of a better term, heavy thought.

Some examples from my own life that bring this idea into focus for me, at least have been recent events. One personal, one professional.

How Choosing to Let Go Can Bring Light to Your Life

I have recently had a falling out with a very dear friend. Her and I have a huge difference of opinion, to say the least and I felt as if it were time to sever the friendship because the way that she and I interact sometimes has been the cause for  a lot of sadness and hurt feelings on both sides. So, as I was gracefully trying to “break up” with her, at least for now, she came back ten times more hurtful and only made things worse. It’s easy to fall into darkness. And rather than let the situation knock the light out of my life, I chose not to engage with her. This doesn’t mean that I’m not still deeply hurt and affected by the loss of a longtime friend, but it also shed light on a few things that I was blind to see. The situation truly shed light on how she and I were friends and how we acted toward one another. I’m not absolved in any way, I am just as much to blame for the way everything went down as she is, but I’m choosing the path on the high ground right now. It would have been easy to shoot back insults, call her out on every little thing, nit pick, be malicious… but I choose the hard road of illumination. This project and the things I’ve recently read and learned have really reframed my thinking about how to engage with others, what’s constructive and what isn’t. I’d feel a thousand times worse had I let her have it with both barrels. Not to mention the situation would have only gotten bigger and bigger, rather than just smoldering.

Embracing Joy in Difficult Situations: Lessons from My Job

I currently work in a warehouse. I pull and ship orders to our clients along with a few other people. We are a very small crew because corporate hasn’t a clue what we do there. Gotta love mergers and big business. Anyway, during the holidays, it’s extremely tough. We have days off of work, however our clients still can place orders through the internet and sometimes with our call center. That means when we come back to work, it’s SLAMMED. This year has been no different. Every holiday is this way, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving… you name it. But in December, we’re saddled with the added struggle of the sales people trying to meet quotas, boost their year-end bonuses and clients trying to use up their remaining credit before the month/ year is out, as well as closing out our month and year accounting. Then, after Christmas and New Years only a week later, we are hit by the fallout from the holiday and the push to order because everyone’s credit limits are reset. A very long, difficult story short, we pulled over 1300 products and sold over $100K in one day, with a crew of 4 people. It was almost a 12 hour day. We were getting orders of over 100 products, per client. But throughout the day, most of the time we were all smiling and laughing, even though it was so stressful and busy. If we didn’t laugh and joke, it would have made the day a million times more miserable. We were all tired and hungry and sore and overwhelmed, but we each chose (even the old crabby guy) to be lighthearted and joyful. The bigger the orders, the more we laughed about it. We’d make silly comments about the type of products or the weight of the boxes, but all in all, we each took it in stride. We couldn’t change the situation, we just simply changed how we looked at and reacted to it. This is why I love my job.

Have you ever faced a difficult situation where you chose to stay positive? Share your story below!

0

Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Day 3 of my Happiness Journey

Three days into my personal growth journey to find lasting happiness, I’m already facing the challenge of breaking old habits. Here’s how I’m trying to stick to my goals, despite the setbacks

We all remember the story of the Tortoise and the Hare, a slow, steady paced Tortoise wins out over the initially sprinting & sleeping Hare, but does that apply to life changes or to happiness?

Challenges of Creating New Habits for Happiness

Here’s what I’ve got so far: not once have I done all 4 of my 15- minute miracles. I’ve tried. But man, I get sleepy some nights or meditating is not easy and don’t get me started about yoga on mornings that I get up WAY before the sun. Strangely, when you set a timer to something, the seconds seem to literally DRAG on and on. I was doing yoga yesterday morning and I was all excited to be setting out my mat, but as minute 6 came to a close, I was lamenting the timer completely. I’m truly enjoying the cleaning up of the kitchen though, since much of what I’ve been cleaning is my blender that I use daily for breakfast smoothies, the coffee pot (which I may die without) and my coffee mug.

Sadly the quest to clean and organize has stalled due to work hours being CRAZY long, but that will be a task better served to start when I have a few minutes during the day to focus, rather than in the evenings after an exhausting day.

Anyway, I’m finding that my head is in the right place, it’s just making my body do what I want it to do. Story of my life. :) Until next time kids!

Share your tips for overcoming challenges in your own happiness journey in the comments below!

1

Website Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑