Month: August 2012

Sayonara August, Heeeeellllllo September!

As August FINALLY comes to a close, I reflect, as I always do, on my goals and things I’ve been working on.

I have to admit I could have probably put a bit more effort into my goals the last few weeks, but it’s been a complete disaster with most things in life. Work stresses, school started and they stress me out more than just about anything… plus there’s been a healthy dose of personal life struggles as well. So, yes, I could have devoted a bit more to the master plan here, but I just needed to focus on other things and that has been one of my goals: not being so hard on myself. I’ve done the best I can with what I’ve been given and I have to be ok with that. And, for the most part, I am.

http://mgs.metamora.k12.il.us/

The last couple of weeks have been particularly challenging because of what I “lovingly” call the brain plague. The brain plague is a term I use for when my mind is going constantly, dwelling on things, particularly the past. I am a chronic comparer. By this I mean, I compare situations, people, myself… to things that I know. I compare last year, around this time, to now… to see what I was doing, how I’ve changed, how my life is better or worse. I do this with most things and as I’ve gotten older, thankfully, I do it less and less with people other than me. Historically, I’d compare people that I know to former people… I’m glad that’s *mostly* gone, but mentally, I still compare how I felt about certain types of situations and certain types of people, to see if the circumstances are better or worse or my actions are either of those. The brain plague is a particular type of dwelling I do about my personal history and it comes on occasion, especially in August for some reason. The thing that I’ve noticed this year about the brain plague is that I’m far less effected directly by the thoughts, but more the feelings. This has been a tough one because I’ve been feeling extra sensitive as of late and I’ve been picking up a lot of strange vibes. My motto has been “there’s something in the air”. Almost like a weight. I know that once I get the school rhythm and work balance figured out for the semester, the universe will right itself and I’ll be able to breathe again. Just a couple more days!

http://dieuwkeswaindesigns.wordpress.com/acrylic-artwork/gallery/something-in-the-air-oct-08-3/

So my goals are:

September and October
~Right Action
Be honest with myself and others, in thoughts, words and deeds, with compassion
Be generous: make time, give back and pay it forward
Find fun!: spend more time with those I love having adventures
Now, upon reading these goals, one might think that I’m a greedy, lying bore. Quite the contrary! However, I think that I have some tailoring to do with these goals. Being honest with myself means that I have to create boundaries and stick to them, as well as communicating honestly with myself and others if they have been crossed. I have a hard time with confrontation and I want to be able to express to people when I am hurt or upset and why. But I also want to be more open to others because I am often too reserved in certain situations. I think that will be a difficult part of the goals, being more open.

Generosity comes in various forms and I’m no stranger to giving… to a fault. But again, this is where boundaries come into play. However, I want to be generous in more meaningful ways. That means that I’ve got to not just do everything for those around me, which I’m prone to doing, but making time… especially time. But that also leads into having adventurous fun. I’m looking to have more fun and doing it with the people I love will not only create amazing memories, but it’ll also lend to me meeting like minded people to expand my friend base. Win/Win. :)

Anyway, after all the blathering, I’m looking forward to a new set of goals and enjoying the next few months! Woohoo!

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Manifesting Destiny

For those of you that have read the first couple of posts in this blog, you know that it was partly sparked by the book The Happiness Project. This book prompted me to write out goals in clear ways and hold myself accountable/ document my progress. This blog has helped tremendously and I’m actually a little surprised that I’m still sticking with it. I’ve got a couple other blogs that I’m not nearly as dedicated to. I think that may be part of the nature of the beast though, in that I’m constantly doing something to improve my life, whereas I’m not constantly doing things that apply to those particular blogs. Sounds like I’ve got some work to do…

http://egyptsaidso.com/weekly-motivation/if-destiny-is-by-choice-not-chance-then-what-are-you-choosing/

Anyway, as part of the book, the author wrote a manifesto. Yes, a real life manifesto. I think most successful people have done this very thing, I should maybe get on that too… but I digress. Here’s her manifesto:

A Happiness Manifesto
-To be happy, you need to consider feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
-One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
-The days are long, but the years are short.
-You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
-Your body matters.
-Happiness is other people.
-Think about yourself so you can forget yourself.
-“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.”—G. K. Chesterton
-What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.
-Best is good, better is best.
-Outer order contributes to inner calm.
-Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have.
-You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.
-“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” —Robert Louis Stevenson
-You manage what you measure.

Many of these points in the manifesto (I just love that word) apply quite specifically to the goals I’ve set out to achieve this year. She just uses different words for many of the items I’ve checked off the list or am currently working on. I guess checked off the list isn’t the right term, since, I’m constantly working on every goal I’ve laid out.

http://www.epicparent.tv/teach-your-kids-to-choose-joy/

A couple of these things I’d like to bring attention to though, primarily “you manage what you measure”, “happiness is about other people” and “you’re not happy unless you think you’re happy”.

You manage what you measure- this one fits perfectly into my concept of holding myself accountable for the work that needs to be done in this adventure. If it can’t be measured, or at the very least compared to previous ways of acting or thinking, there’s never going to be progress. I had to keep this in mind a lot this year. Even if it’s biting my tongue where I normally wouldn’t, or leaving a conversation that is not getting anywhere. Comparing it to previous ways of thinking and behaving is a measurable way of showing progress. Progress is essential. Otherwise you’re just spinning your wheels.

Happiness is about other people- as described in the book as well as this blog and in my head, doesn’t mean external happiness through other people, but that if you strive to be happy in the presence of others and strive to aid them in whatever ways possible, THAT is a major source of great happiness. I love helping others and making their days brighter. It makes me feel good too. Plus, if you’re radiating happiness, other people will be attracted to that.

http://keturahweathers.theworldrace.org/?filename=og-love

You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy- has been a big stress factor for me. Other people in my life SAY they’re happy but come off as truly miserable much of the time. But on the flip side, I often feel down or stressed out, but I make it a point to do it with a smile. As mentioned previously in posts, people cannot figure out how stupid and bad things can happen to me, but I’m smiling, although I said I was furious at the time. I feel less like crap when I’m smiling, and even if I’m furious, I have to laugh… otherwise I may scream or cry. There have been times where I’ve had to excuse myself from situations to do either of those things… scream or cry. But those times are getting to be fewer as time goes on and I’m able to smile more through the pain.

My destiny is to be happy and to help others. I know very clearly where I’m headed, the path is exactly paved for me. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t speed bumps, potholes and detours. I can accept that and I embrace it. That is why life is called a journey. If it were easy, it’d be called a stroll. I find myself hiking up and down cliffs a lot, but through all the struggles and heartbreaks, there’s nothing in this world that I’d trade it for. Even through my fury and deepest sadness, I love my life. I love that I can fall, get tossed and crushed, simply to pick myself up off the ground and slowly trudge on. When I see people coping with incredible adversity and struggling, yet do it with a smile and grace, I remember that this is the key to a truly happy life. The strength to get up every day, to go on, to pick yourself up from the gutter, and to embrace the beauty and lessons that life has given you… that is true happiness. Happiness within yourself. The strength to continue experiencing it. With a smile.

http://freckles-lifewithfreckles.blogspot.com/
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The simple happiness revelation

I say revelation not because this is some new idea that I’ve stumbled on, but simply that I was reminded today.

True and lasting happiness cannot be found by, with or in an external factor. It must be found within, from your true self. However, there are simple things that can be found externally to remind you of how happy you truly are, how fortunate and the Universe isn’t completely out to screw us.

http://ecofriendlyfreckles.blogspot.com/2010/04/sunshine-love.html

Getting a “thank you” card in the mail to show you’re appreciated, getting soup when you’re sick from a friend, making plans with friends and family for the weekend and just knowing you’re loved make a tough day or long week so much more satisfying. Having someone want your company or at least show that you are important to them is really awesome.

So often we get bogged down in our daily lives, and I’m as guilty as any… maybe more so, but creating just a small sliver of space to show others that you care can make a world of difference. I know it always makes me feel good when I get some of those fuzzy feelings from those in my life. I try to dish them out as often as possible.

Wooo! Friday, be good to me and everyone else. Happy weekend!

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Check, check. Is this thing on?

I realized just now, that we’re already well into August. Man, time flies when you’re not looking.

So, what I want to write about today is that moment where things become clear. Like, the “ah ha!” that people are so fond of talking about or the light switch flipping on… those kinds of moments. Several people I know have had these experiences recently, myself included.

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-toinstall-a-dimmer-switch-39049

As some of my readers/ friends know, I’ve been experiencing some pretty significant changes in my personal life (of which I won’t go into detail here, but trust me, there’s been some upheaval) and literally one evening I had enough. That night the path became crystal clear and I knew what I had to do. The subsequent months have been quite challenging for various reasons but I’ve also never felt so immediately connected with myself and knowing that the path I’ve chosen is the right one. I have learned so many valuable things about myself, how I deal with things, and where I want to go in my life. Of course, my friends and family have been instrumental in supporting me throughout all the changes, but the hard parts… the real growth and change, has been internal. That’s really what this blog has been about from the onset, seeking to achieve goals, many of which stemming entirely from an internal (often forgotten about) place within me, seeking outward actions. The feeling as if I wasn’t on the path that I felt was right for me hadn’t been a new idea, but the switch flipped the light on in that corner of my head. The path was clear. At that moment, no matter how difficult, I needed to move into action and take a different path.

http://www.mscareergirl.com/2010/07/15/finding-your-path/

When talking with people lately, they are all at various stages in this “switch” moment, and even if the light is on, they still might not be able to see what it is they’re looking for right away. However, regardless of where they are in the process and the time it might take them to come to the same spot where I was when action, immediate action, was the only choice…. they’re on their way. Some people don’t know there’s a light switch in the dark room at all and all the while, others just don’t care.

As for the list of goals:

~Right intention
Live the way I want to live, walk the walk, harmoniously
Temper, temper: whenever I get angry, meditate instead
Let it go, it’s not personal, and even if it is, it’s temporary: karma isn’t always yours
Live in the now, but think of the future: find sources of joy and memories

http://www.bsd405.org/about-us/departments/curriculum/summer-reading.aspx

Here’s my progress: As you can imagine, I’m doing the first one pretty well. I’m enjoying the fact that there is no television, no clutter, nobody to watch the clock for me or question me when I get home or have people over… except for the pets, to whom I’m grateful for keeping me on a schedule. My temper, as well as my anxiety, are not easily tamed, but as someone mentioned the other day, even while I’m FURIOUS, I still have a smile on my face. That makes me happy to know. Inside I feel like I’m scowling, but it comes out a smile, how cool is that?

I’ve begun the slow process of not letting every little thing get to me. It’s much harder than I anticipated, to let things roll. But it’s a work in progress. And finally, I am so thankful that I have wonderful people around me to cheer me up when I’m feeling stressed out, that care about me and my happiness. They provide me with so many laughs. At the same time, I’ve also been reading. A lot. It’s something that I love to do and have gotten out of the habit of over the last few years. These are the simple joys and sources of memories… relaxing, reading, talking with friends and spending time with loved ones. And yet, so much happiness.

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