Best laid plans

Most of us travel through our lives planning most things, like education, career, what’s for dinner. Yet, at the same time, life happens to us. There is a multitude of things that happen that we simply cannot control, and for those who follow the Buddhist path- trying to control these things brings about much of our daily suffering.

I feel as though most of the last several years has really just been a series of my best laid plans getting obliterated by life. For instance, we sold our house. Seems easy enough, right? Up until 3 days before we were to close, there was seemingly no chance the deal was happening. We had stopped packing, nothing was ready. Then all of a sudden the investment group that was buying it came through and we had 10 days to vacate so they could begin renovating. We had nowhere to go, nothing was packed. I work and my husband cares for our new baby, and we had 10 days.

Needless to say, it’s been nothing but upheaval, chaos, uncertainty and anxiety. We still haven’t closed on another house, and every day it seems the financing is in jeopardy. I feel like I’m existing in a suspended state of panic all the time.

Yes, I’m fully aware that this is a first world problem, buying and selling real estate, but that doesn’t negate the real stress that we are experiencing. I’ve tried to let it roll off my back, made the conscious effort to reframe the situation in a positive light, but the only things that keep me from curling up in a ball of paralyzing fear are my husband and daughter. I know that I’m the only one working and they both need me more than ever.

We will get through these struggles, because we don’t really have a choice. For my sanity, and all of our health and safety, if the plan doesn’t work, I mush continually change the plan until it does. Trust me, nothing about this is ideal, but we have to make choices and sacrifices to survive.

Unfortunately, it’s been this way for me since I can remember and I wonder if this truly IS the human experience. Is this all there is? Constantly juggling the elements of our lives in hopes that the thing we drop isn’t that important?

Of course, my life doesn’t occur in a vacuum. There’s billions of others struggling with their lives too. Many people have many sufferings and my heart truly aches for them. People who have no homes, their lives are affected by violence, who cannot make ends meet, and more. I have experienced many troubles in my life, but I am still absolutely blessed.

Because I know suffering, loss, heartbreak, and tragedy I’ve decided this holiday season to give back and pay it forward. Friends and family of mind are banding together to donate time, warm clothes, food and more to those in need. I am tired of living a life of fear and loss. I am starting to live with hope and gratitude, so much so that I’m willing to share my limited resources with people who have less.

I wish you all a happy holiday season. Stay tuned for my ‘year in review’ coming soon. Thank you so much for your support this year.

December 3, 2015 0

The end of 2014

This year has come with a roller coaster of ups and downs, sideways and upsidedowns. It has seen some of the deepest sadnesses and tragedies, and some of the most important successes our world has ever seen. From brutality to blessings, this has been a very busy year.

Personally, I have experienced many sorrows, coupled with the most delightful joys, however I know that this has not been ‘my year’.

On the horizon, as with every new day, week, year, etc. it opens with the possibility to make it amazing. Granted, it could end up a spinning fireball, but you never know until you take that step, open your eyes when your alarm blares, or do something that pushes you into being a fully authentic version of yourself. That is my hope for each of you and myself for this new year.

When I was younger, whenever I blew out birthday candles, wished on a shooting star, or anything like that, I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more than to be happy. I always wished for it, like somehow it would just plop into my lap. As I have aged, I still wish for happiness, but I also combine that sincere wish with the work necessaryto achieve it. Happiness in any form is important, but how you think, feel, and act will actually be the deciding factors to your happiness.

For instance, how can people struck by tragedy continue with their lives? They find the simple joys in life to keep them going.

My sincere hope for each of you, my faithful readers and everyone who doesn’t read my blog is this: I wish you happiness, but more than that, I wish that you are able to find it, recognize it, and embrace it, even in the darkest times.

December 31, 2014 0

The Year in Review!

As compared with last year, I didn’t exactly write down my “goals” for the year. I have actually done that for several years and when I do my year in review, I feel pretty bummed out that so few of the items on my list were accomplished. For instance, I’ve been trying to learn to snowboard for at least 6 years. Not even once has that happened. However, instead of doing that particular thing, I liberated an old console stereo from the 70s (it’s in pretty good shape) from our local Goodwill and will refinish it as time allows.

I’ve also done some things that I didn’t think I would do, like get married. We went on a lovely honeymoon to the Caribbean and it’s a trip I will never forget. But I realize that without some idea of goals, it’s tough to get much done, in that area of life. More times than not, it is just an endless string of days that are similar, if not the same, as the one previous and following. I feel like this time last year was barely a blink ago, while at the same time, the days seem like they’re endless. It’s a strange feeling. But I am fortunate to be living this life. As part of a meditation goes in Buddhism: “Hard is it to be born into human life. Now I am living it.” This means quite simply that being born into a human form is not easy, but each of us are fortunate enough to find ourselves here and we must make the best of it while we have this time.

My goal for 2014 is to make the best of it. I have a power year ahead of me with work and school, since I’m determined to complete my degree by this time next year, instead of taking the minimum and having to wait 2 years. Forget that! I want to be done with school and getting on to my future. That happens in 2014. So I will be overloaded as usual with work and homework, but it will be worth it. I’m also going to focus more on my garden to foster our self sufficiency. Plus, as any home owner knows, repairs and upkeep are an endless task. There will be some of that happening.

Anyway, I hope that you all find your bliss, review this past year and set goals that cultivate creativity, joy and peace in your lives. I’ll catch you all on the flip side!

December 25, 2013 0

Happiness Project Year in Review!

Hey there readers of my fledgling little blog, what few of you are left since I fell off the Earth.

I first want to thank you all for sticking with me and the crazy project I’ve had going on here. You stuck with my hairbrained plan, followed me through the ups and downs and I’m glad we made it. Without many of you, I’m not sure that I would have.

As many of you have read through these last 12 months, I have set out very specific goals for myself and a track to get to where I want in life. Not surprisingly, it hasn’t exactly gone the way I’d hoped and it certainly hasn’t gone smoothly. I’ve undergone countless changes within my personal, professional and scholarly lives, only to make it through no worse for ware, on the other side.

Some of the things I’ve learned I never would have imagined, such as my inner strength and my level of patience. However, I also reinforced many traits that I knew I had, such as self determination and hardworking nature. Without those things, I easily would have crumbled. Instead, I was able to stand my ground, complete my goals and while often frayed around the edges, I succeeded. The best part is that I have my loved ones in my camp to support me through it all. I could not have done it without them.

My plan going forward is to continue to write my goals down, perhaps not as structured and specifically this time around, but to also to track my progress. I truly believe that this is what motivates me and keeps me on track. That, and my overwhelming sense of obligation.

Anyway, in closing, thank you for reading and keeping me going this year. See you on the flip side with more craziness and hilarity.

http://beginningdharma.wordpress.com/2011/01/29/eightfold-path-right-action/

December 29, 2012 1

Such is my topsy turvy life

I first want to say that chaos seems to gravitate to me, in pretty much every facet of life, all the time. I can’t catch a break it feels like, but I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like this is some new development.

There are some new developments though in this mess that I call reality. Primarily on the work front, things have hit an interesting speed bump. It appears that 7 years is long enough for the head of my department to work for this company and he decided to move on. Everyone wishes him the best, including myself. He is a really great guy and I hope that his future endeavors are just as great. What this means for me is that I’ve officially been tagged, now that I’m done with my Bachelor’s degree, to fill his shoes. Last week was tremendously stressful since I was finishing up my classes and also training to be the boss. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be training a new “me”. Coincidentally enough, I already know her from a mutual friend, even though I had nothing to do with her getting the position. It was purely by chance. Such a small world. But yes, I’ll then be saddled with training a brand new person for 3 days before I go on vacation for 10 days. Craaaaazy. Naturally, I got hustled into chiming in remotely while away. But at least the brunt of the madness will be averted, I hope.

So, my goal of “career or grad school” has taken a slightly different course than what I expected, even from just a few weeks ago. I think I’m going to use this opportunity to see where it takes me and save the debt and chaos of going back to school for a later date. I think I need a nice long break from school anyway. I feel like I’ve been pulled in a million directions for too many years and I’d like to see if I can remember what it’s like to just have one place to be everyday instead of two or three. While my new gig will be slightly more stressful, it’ something that I’ll be able to leave at work and not have to take it home with me. I’ll ignore the fact that I’ll be taking it on vacation… for now.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to the change of pace from academic-while-working life and focusing just on the work aspect for a while.

December 17, 2012 3

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