Category: July/ August

40 days of gratitude

The theme of this blog has been evolving ever since I began typing that first blog several years ago. I was searching for meaningful ways to bring more happiness into my daily life. I was in the midst of college and in a dark place in my personal relationships. I was not living authentically or really living at all. I was just grinding it out, day in and day out; existing simply to finish my then goal of graduating college. I was on the back end of personal tragedy and heartbreak, in the middle of a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, and getting ready to step off a cliff into the unknown. There were so many forces at work and I had to focus on the positive. I’m nowhere near where I was, but I’m not yet to where I want to be. I am evolving, and so is this blog.

So I recently asked myself the following:

What is it with 40 days/ 6 weeks? Lent is 40 days; maternity leave is about 6 weeks after the baby is born for those that get it. Why are these numbers or timeframes so engrained in our past and present lives? I don’t have these answers, but I’ve been inspired.

I was reading a book that I was meaning to read for a long time. It was on my Amazon wishlist for a few years, and I finally received it for my birthday, I think. I didn’t read it right away for some reason, but I’m glad that I did. Reading books has gotten harder since having a little one at home. She takes up 99% of my spare waking time that I’m not at work. The other 1% is cleaning. Anyway, the premise of the book Life is a Verb, is that 37 days (which is very close to 40) can transform your life. There are a series of stories and activities to do at the end of each one for 37 days. Each of these activities are designed by the author (whom I seem to feel is a kindred spirit from her stories and experiences) to help you live the life you want. Living the life I want, spending more time with my family, working smarter-not-harder, and being in the employ of myself are my main goals, but living a more grateful and joyful life have been my “small” goals for many years.

Those of you who’ve been following this blog for any length of time know that I’ve been studying and seeking greater happiness for a long time. I’ve had moments of elation that I cannot compare to anything else in this life, but I’ve also experienced some of the most devastating despair and loss that I’ve ever had in my 35 years on this earth. Of course, I’ve felt everything in between and surely will over and over again as I grow older. I hope that the feelings of happiness will be greater than those of unhappiness, of course, as we all do. So by focusing on what I want, instead of what I don’t want, I plan to cultivate just that.

So in the spirit of change, transformation, and happiness, I’m going to focus on gratitude. There have been countless studies and interviews indicating that the more a person is grateful, the happier they are throughout the course of their lives, and also exhibit more satisfaction with their lives in general. I’d like to practice more gratitude, because while I’m extremely grateful for all of the things in my life, I feel like if I can bring intention and magnify the things in which I am grateful, more of these things will grace my daily life.

I have decided that I want to challenge myself to not only be grateful, especially amidst stress and fatigue, but I also want to challenge my personal dedication to writing. I love writing but find that I make excuses not to do it, mostly evolving from not having enough time. Because of this, I want to focus on just a few minutes of writing each day to express my gratitude. Gradually, or at least periodically, I’m sure my entries will be long, but I’m guessing that most of them will be short. Probably very short. But the goal is to do it. Starting tomorrow, I’ve set an alarm to ensure that I simply don’t forget to write. It is my intention to bring attention to this particular goal for just a few minutes every day.

So stay tuned! And wish me luck. I’ll likely need it.

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Sensory happiness

It is said that everyone experiences different things differently through their five (or six) senses. Taste, smell, sight, touch, sound and perception are not just part of our current experiences, however. Instead it’s through these means that we also create our memories. And through these means, we have the incredible ability to have these memories triggered and come flooding back. While driving to work this very morning, that happened. I was listening to a station that plays EDM (electronic dance music) and because this form of expression was the background to some of my most ecstatic and also some of my darkest moments ever, many of those memories and emotions came flooding through me. Not only was I overcome with feelings and thoughts, I also felt immediately compelled to write about the experience.

It’s through the senses of overwhelming bass, the closeness of thousands of virtual strangers in my immediate proximity, the suffocating lack of breathable air, and the sights of hundreds to thousands of faces in the crowd and fantastic lighting was my ‘hobby’ of dancing formed. I remember the very first party I went to like it was yesterday, and yet it was more than 15 years ago. I feel like it’s been a lifetime since that night, and in reality, it has been. I have lost the majority of the people I was once very close to, but the closeness to dancing and music has never left me. In those moments, I have never felt so completely free. I have never been able to step outside myself in such a tangible and intangible way. Besides my other personal love, roller derby, the world has never made more sense.

I’m older now and gatherings have changed immensely, on top of the fact that I kind of like sleeping at night these days, that desire for escaping the world in a fury of bitchin’ dance moves is always something that I’m missing in daily life. It’s in those experiences that I was able to experience happiness though. A perfect, unique joy that can only be brought back via sudden memories, in this case driving to work, and the experiences themselves.

The take away message here: find your joy wherever you can. It is fleeting.

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Happiness is an inside job

I found a quote on a local church marquis over the weekend that stated ‘happiness is an inside job’. At first I could only laugh because that day was particularly challenging and introspective, but also I found it funny to be in front of a church. Now, I’m not religious, as anyone has read (spiritual, yes), but I always thought that religion, especially Christianity was about getting right with god and had little to do with personal happiness. Simply salvation in the next world. Since I have been very introspective the last few days, that sign has sort of stuck with me. I have written pages upon pages of words relating to the notion of happiness essentially stemming from within and radiating out, and yet this sign summed it up so easily.

Happiness is an inside job. I’ve been struggling with the inside of myself and with the outside world. To quote myself a couple years ago, inner chaos brings outer chaos and vice versa. I can say with certainty that the outer chaos is destroying whatever inner peace I have recently gained, which has caused many internal problems for me.

At the same time, I know that for growth to occur, destruction has to happen first. It cannot last forever, unless I choose roads that continue the suffering. Situations are impermanent. How I deal with these everyday situations will shape the lessons I learn and how I grow as a person, consciously or not. I can remain bitter and grow resentful of the inadequacies of others and how I somehow got a raw deal or I can trudge forward and attempt to learn something. I mean, I’m destined to repeat it again, if I don’t learn it this time around, right?

Along those same lines I’ve recently discovered that I’m reliving situations that I should have learned from almost a decade ago. But the strange catch to this lesson is that I’m on the other side of the equation. Instead of playing my role, it’s of another person and the role of me is played by someone else entirely. It’s incredibly bizarre to have a stark reminder of where I’ve come from, but worse yet, I now understand fully what that person may have been feeling at the time. While the situations are by no means exactly alike, the similarities are striking and I truly feel that the lesson is the same for the person sharing it with me, and my lesson here is different from theirs. Instead, I believe I’m meant to deepen my understanding of it, and perhaps even come to a place of forgiveness about those past hurts.

I am trying to learn my lessons while teaching a lesson I’ve already learned. It’s challenging, to say the least. Meanwhile, I’m also trying to live my life, what’s left of it. I say what’s left of it because it vaguely resembles anything I’m familiar with. Instead, it’s like a shell, or even a movie. I know all the actors, I felt like I’ve seen it before, but I just can’t figure out the punch line. I’m waiting to ‘get’ the joke.

What I’ve taken away from these feelings and frustrations lately is that I really am unhappy with where I am in life. I have to stay on course just a little longer before I can make the necessary changes. And I’m also trying to swallow the idea that somehow I still don’t have a clear handle my life, even thought I surely thought by the time I was in my 30s, I’d have figured it out. I am not entirely sure we ever really do, but rather, we are surrounded by people who have mastered the art of ‘fake it until you make it’, and none of us really have a handle on it.

So what does this have to do with the sign? I’m not really sure about that either. But I do know that millions of people find comfort with a set of guidelines, even if they don’t necessarily follow the rules very well. It’s comforting to know they’re out there and most of these souls are just as lost as you are. They’re all just trying to fake it the best they can.

Thanks for reading! Please share your stories in the comment section. I’m curious if others have similar thoughts and feelings.

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Manifesting Destiny

For those of you that have read the first couple of posts in this blog, you know that it was partly sparked by the book The Happiness Project. This book prompted me to write out goals in clear ways and hold myself accountable/ document my progress. This blog has helped tremendously and I’m actually a little surprised that I’m still sticking with it. I’ve got a couple other blogs that I’m not nearly as dedicated to. I think that may be part of the nature of the beast though, in that I’m constantly doing something to improve my life, whereas I’m not constantly doing things that apply to those particular blogs. Sounds like I’ve got some work to do…

http://egyptsaidso.com/weekly-motivation/if-destiny-is-by-choice-not-chance-then-what-are-you-choosing/

Anyway, as part of the book, the author wrote a manifesto. Yes, a real life manifesto. I think most successful people have done this very thing, I should maybe get on that too… but I digress. Here’s her manifesto:

A Happiness Manifesto
-To be happy, you need to consider feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
-One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
-The days are long, but the years are short.
-You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
-Your body matters.
-Happiness is other people.
-Think about yourself so you can forget yourself.
-“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.”—G. K. Chesterton
-What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.
-Best is good, better is best.
-Outer order contributes to inner calm.
-Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have.
-You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.
-“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” —Robert Louis Stevenson
-You manage what you measure.

Many of these points in the manifesto (I just love that word) apply quite specifically to the goals I’ve set out to achieve this year. She just uses different words for many of the items I’ve checked off the list or am currently working on. I guess checked off the list isn’t the right term, since, I’m constantly working on every goal I’ve laid out.

http://www.epicparent.tv/teach-your-kids-to-choose-joy/

A couple of these things I’d like to bring attention to though, primarily “you manage what you measure”, “happiness is about other people” and “you’re not happy unless you think you’re happy”.

You manage what you measure- this one fits perfectly into my concept of holding myself accountable for the work that needs to be done in this adventure. If it can’t be measured, or at the very least compared to previous ways of acting or thinking, there’s never going to be progress. I had to keep this in mind a lot this year. Even if it’s biting my tongue where I normally wouldn’t, or leaving a conversation that is not getting anywhere. Comparing it to previous ways of thinking and behaving is a measurable way of showing progress. Progress is essential. Otherwise you’re just spinning your wheels.

Happiness is about other people- as described in the book as well as this blog and in my head, doesn’t mean external happiness through other people, but that if you strive to be happy in the presence of others and strive to aid them in whatever ways possible, THAT is a major source of great happiness. I love helping others and making their days brighter. It makes me feel good too. Plus, if you’re radiating happiness, other people will be attracted to that.

http://keturahweathers.theworldrace.org/?filename=og-love

You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy- has been a big stress factor for me. Other people in my life SAY they’re happy but come off as truly miserable much of the time. But on the flip side, I often feel down or stressed out, but I make it a point to do it with a smile. As mentioned previously in posts, people cannot figure out how stupid and bad things can happen to me, but I’m smiling, although I said I was furious at the time. I feel less like crap when I’m smiling, and even if I’m furious, I have to laugh… otherwise I may scream or cry. There have been times where I’ve had to excuse myself from situations to do either of those things… scream or cry. But those times are getting to be fewer as time goes on and I’m able to smile more through the pain.

My destiny is to be happy and to help others. I know very clearly where I’m headed, the path is exactly paved for me. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t speed bumps, potholes and detours. I can accept that and I embrace it. That is why life is called a journey. If it were easy, it’d be called a stroll. I find myself hiking up and down cliffs a lot, but through all the struggles and heartbreaks, there’s nothing in this world that I’d trade it for. Even through my fury and deepest sadness, I love my life. I love that I can fall, get tossed and crushed, simply to pick myself up off the ground and slowly trudge on. When I see people coping with incredible adversity and struggling, yet do it with a smile and grace, I remember that this is the key to a truly happy life. The strength to get up every day, to go on, to pick yourself up from the gutter, and to embrace the beauty and lessons that life has given you… that is true happiness. Happiness within yourself. The strength to continue experiencing it. With a smile.

http://freckles-lifewithfreckles.blogspot.com/
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The simple happiness revelation

I say revelation not because this is some new idea that I’ve stumbled on, but simply that I was reminded today.

True and lasting happiness cannot be found by, with or in an external factor. It must be found within, from your true self. However, there are simple things that can be found externally to remind you of how happy you truly are, how fortunate and the Universe isn’t completely out to screw us.

http://ecofriendlyfreckles.blogspot.com/2010/04/sunshine-love.html

Getting a “thank you” card in the mail to show you’re appreciated, getting soup when you’re sick from a friend, making plans with friends and family for the weekend and just knowing you’re loved make a tough day or long week so much more satisfying. Having someone want your company or at least show that you are important to them is really awesome.

So often we get bogged down in our daily lives, and I’m as guilty as any… maybe more so, but creating just a small sliver of space to show others that you care can make a world of difference. I know it always makes me feel good when I get some of those fuzzy feelings from those in my life. I try to dish them out as often as possible.

Wooo! Friday, be good to me and everyone else. Happy weekend!

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