The quest for personal improvement for the purpose of living a happier life can be daunting. It’s tough to focus on this set of goals that I feel will bring me closer to happiness, at least in my rational mind, on a more regular basis, while at the same time you have a million spinning plates that can send your daily life crashing down in a heap of shrapnel. Being acutely aware that one plate can destroy to rest in a blink is also an extremely stressful scenario that many of us face. I don’t see a week go by without someone I know having a meltdown or major anxiety due to one plate crashing or potentially crashing into everything they’ve worked so hard for. And maybe that’s part of the problem? We are trying to control a million moving parts while still seeking the elusive ‘happiness’ that many of us simply cannot even truly describe in real terms. 

I have experienced this myself recently. Without going into too much personal detail, I left a job that wasn’t really taking me anywhere in my quest for experience or happiness but it was full time and paid the bills. But an opportunity came across my plate in which I couldn’t deny. The pay was similar but the hours were cut in half from where I was. I took a leap and started the part time job, only to be offered a different job with a very well know hospital system. Those were full time hours, making even more money. But the downside was the flaming hoops I would have to jump through just made it seem less appealing. Instead, I decided to stay where I was at and we would just figure out the rest later. But strangely, at the same time another part time opportunity passed my way. The hours were perfect for my other job and the pay was good. So, basically my complete panic and fear was unnecessary because things were going to work out anyway. They actually worked out better than I hoped or expected. Granted, I have two jobs that are both quite high pressure, they are both exactly what I need at this time. Sometimes things just work out. They generally don’t work out the way we want them to, but by letting go of control over every detail, things can work out the way they’re meant to to bring us to the path we are destined to walk. 

This doesn’t mean I’m not still going to trying guide my path in the ways I think it should be, because let’s face it, I’m a control freak that needs to know and understand everything. I can’t just throw caution to the wind, it’s not my nature. But letting the universe work for me in it’s own way is something I need to incorporate more often into my life. The results are so far, pretty good. 



Hello my faithful readers. Thank you all for continuing to support me since I’ve been touch and go. I appreciate all of your feedback and comments.

About today’s blog: I have been living through a pretty definitive shift in my life lately, much of which is out of my control. However, what IS in my control, is how I deal with these things. My usual method has to been to get angry, upset and withdrawn. These have been my “go-to” feelings when things are not the way I want them to be. However, since the inception of this blog and numerous vents to people close to my heart, it has finally settled into my brainhole that this simply does not work for me. I’m not sure that it ever did, but, damn I’m stubborn. Unfortunately, I’ve met my stubborn match, who is frighteningly similar to myself many years ago. More on that another time… Anyway, the point is that I am stubborn and I am in a relationship with another stubborn person. I am no longer able to get angry, upset and withdrawn if I want to continue to have a relationship with this person (which, obviously, I do).

Instead, I need to find the happiness that I’ve researched and written about at such length, but I also have to go back to what i know about myself, my spirit and my true self. These things are all intertwined within this person I call myself, and I am also significantly interwoven into the fabric of my life… my school, my work, my family and friends… we are all interconnected and I have been forgetting this, along with myself, in this recent time of internal and external struggle.

I also find that when I am struggling and getting angry, upset and withdrawn, instead of getting what I need, which is comfort, love, affection and just plain old attention, I get less and less of it. I’m guessing it’s because I’m being an ass and people don’t like that. I’ve also noticed that my negativity just compounds. Nobody likes that either, not even myself. I want to feel happy and joyous. I want to feel wanted, needed, needed and included, just like everyone else. The only difference is that I am getting swallowed up in the pit of despair, instead of finding the happiness that I know is not external, but an internal force. It’s just buried beneath the loneliness that I’ve been feeling lately with being isolated from those I love.

So, I have decided that I’m turning over a new leaf by going back to the old leaf that works. Spring is here (at least in my neck of the woods) and I need to be on the path to growth, rebirth, and rejuvenation. I’m going to start making it a point to focus on all the work that I put into researching and implementing changes over the last couple of years with this blog and rekindle my love for writing, and the pursuit of happiness. Great things are on the horizon friends, and I’m not going to wait for them to land in my lap. I’m going to run for it and seek out my bliss and do what I can to improve my coping skills and declutter my mind and heart. These things I know and these are the things that will guide me out of the pit and into the garden (figuratively and literally. More on that another time).

Again, dear readers, please note that I value each of you and any feedback you may have for me. I wish each of you the best on your respective journeys and hopefully you will also find your joys. Please feel free to share any stories or struggles, words of encouragement. I appreciate it all.

Take care and I’ll see you soon!