Day two has been a successful effort in changing my mindset. This morning when I left for work (even though I was running late), I made the conscious effort to smile and not allow the bastards to get me down.
It felt good. Smiling for absolutely no reason in the car, singing silly songs, and making jokes all day at work makes me feel good. Taking down my negative intensity a notch feels good. I’m optimistic and feeling great today. Happy day two of changing my mindset!
I am proud of my ability to not drop an F-bomb today, but damn I wanted to. People are trying to make me crazy at work, so bad.
I pride myself on my ability to babysit grown adults and conduct myself professionally. I was definitely skating that line of professionalism at a couple moments today. However, my desk Slinky and a few muttering-under-my-breath choice words.
Anyway, tomorrow is finally day two! Yes! Progress!
This morning I’m grateful for my level head in times of conflict, confrontation, and emergency. Granted, sometimes there is an initial wave of panic, generally I can overcome the fray and be level.
My reason for writing this today is because we had a meet up with some people from a car enthusiast group my husband is part of. We had it at a dog park early this morning because it would be too hot later in the day. We have three dogs ourselves, and the car company we are enthusiastic about is really dog friendly. My husband had a bunch of car brand swag to give away, like tennis balls, frisbees, bandanas, and other such things.
When we got to the park we noticed the large dog area was closed for construction, so we had to go to the small dog section. There was only one dog, besides ours, so I sat with them and our baby while hubby went back to the car to get the swag. I chatted with the lady with the dog. While he was walking back, another family came. They were pleasant, until they weren’t. Their dog had ‘short man syndrome’ and decided to pick a fight with our deaf dog. She wasn’t fighting back, but she was nearing teeth and holding their little pup down. I quickly grabbed her collar as they picked up theirs. We were talking about them. I apologized that she was holding their dog down and they explained he sometimes got aggressive with large dogs. I held my dog’s collar while they walked around and we were cordial. They left soon after with an attitude. Not my problem. Our dog wasn’t aggressive, or even really as forceful as she could have been. She certainly didn’t start it.
I was holding her when my husband returned, as that couple were leaving with their dog in a huff. Apparently they believed they had the right of way or something. Not my problem. When he got back to the bench we were on, I let her go run around. I did all this while holding our baby.
A little bit later other dogs came, most of them were nice. However, there was another, much more dramatic altercation between two dogs that weren’t ours. A small dog got tackled by an aggressive dog. It sounded worse than it was, and the man with the small pup was being extremely dramatic. The interaction lasted less than one minute, and by the way he was reacting, you’d think his dog was getting mauled. The owners of the other dog reacted quickly and stopped the situation by holding their dog down until the other guy gathered himself and his dog. However, he couldn’t just leave it as two dogs having politics. He was swearing and insulting the other people, and just generally being an asshole.
He was taking photos and talking about city ordinances. While holding my baby I stepped in and told him that there was no law about large dogs and the off leash park, so long as they were not aggressive. We had just as much right being there as he did, and that the attitude, language, and drama was unnecessary. Naturally, because he was being shitty, the other guy started getting angry and with a fence between them an argument started.
My husband stepped in and tried to get the small dog owner to move along so the other people could remove their pet and go home as well. This took entirely too long because the small dog owner just wanted to fight, and the other guy wasn’t going to just let him talk shit. Truthfully, had other people not been there, a fight would have likely happened.
Unfortunately, dogs just sometimes have politics. They’re individuals just like people and some dogs just don’t get along with other dogs. It’s not other dog’s fault your dog doesn’t like them. It’s just what it is.
Anyway, this could have been worse, but I believe our level heads and interactions with these people helped diffuse a potentially physical altercation.
Dog people generally just understand that shit happens and sometimes pets get hurt. I’ve had my fair share of dog politics and my dogs have been on both sides: instigator and victim. But what makes it worse is asshol humans. Adding fuel and fire to an emergency or tense situation is not likely to make things better. Keeping tempers in check is an asset, and today I’m grateful that everyone was able to generally keep their cool. The world has been a violent place lately and we don’t need any more of that right now. Tensions are high and we live in an open carry state. People get shot for less and I’m thankful that there was no violence.
The theme of this blog has been evolving ever since I began typing that first blog several years ago. I was searching for meaningful ways to bring more happiness into my daily life. I was in the midst of college and in a dark place in my personal relationships. I was not living authentically or really living at all. I was just grinding it out, day in and day out; existing simply to finish my then goal of graduating college. I was on the back end of personal tragedy and heartbreak, in the middle of a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, and getting ready to step off a cliff into the unknown. There were so many forces at work and I had to focus on the positive. I’m nowhere near where I was, but I’m not yet to where I want to be. I am evolving, and so is this blog.
So I recently asked myself the following:
What is it with 40 days/ 6 weeks? Lent is 40 days; maternity leave is about 6 weeks after the baby is born for those that get it. Why are these numbers or timeframes so engrained in our past and present lives? I don’t have these answers, but I’ve been inspired.
I was reading a book that I was meaning to read for a long time. It was on my Amazon wishlist for a few years, and I finally received it for my birthday, I think. I didn’t read it right away for some reason, but I’m glad that I did. Reading books has gotten harder since having a little one at home. She takes up 99% of my spare waking time that I’m not at work. The other 1% is cleaning. Anyway, the premise of the book Life is a Verb, is that 37 days (which is very close to 40) can transform your life. There are a series of stories and activities to do at the end of each one for 37 days. Each of these activities are designed by the author (whom I seem to feel is a kindred spirit from her stories and experiences) to help you live the life you want. Living the life I want, spending more time with my family, working smarter-not-harder, and being in the employ of myself are my main goals, but living a more grateful and joyful life have been my “small” goals for many years.
Those of you who’ve been following this blog for any length of time know that I’ve been studying and seeking greater happiness for a long time. I’ve had moments of elation that I cannot compare to anything else in this life, but I’ve also experienced some of the most devastating despair and loss that I’ve ever had in my 35 years on this earth. Of course, I’ve felt everything in between and surely will over and over again as I grow older. I hope that the feelings of happiness will be greater than those of unhappiness, of course, as we all do. So by focusing on what I want, instead of what I don’t want, I plan to cultivate just that.
So in the spirit of change, transformation, and happiness, I’m going to focus on gratitude. There have been countless studies and interviews indicating that the more a person is grateful, the happier they are throughout the course of their lives, and also exhibit more satisfaction with their lives in general. I’d like to practice more gratitude, because while I’m extremely grateful for all of the things in my life, I feel like if I can bring intention and magnify the things in which I am grateful, more of these things will grace my daily life.
I have decided that I want to challenge myself to not only be grateful, especially amidst stress and fatigue, but I also want to challenge my personal dedication to writing. I love writing but find that I make excuses not to do it, mostly evolving from not having enough time. Because of this, I want to focus on just a few minutes of writing each day to express my gratitude. Gradually, or at least periodically, I’m sure my entries will be long, but I’m guessing that most of them will be short. Probably very short. But the goal is to do it. Starting tomorrow, I’ve set an alarm to ensure that I simply don’t forget to write. It is my intention to bring attention to this particular goal for just a few minutes every day.
So stay tuned! And wish me luck. I’ll likely need it.
First let me say, wow, it’s been a long time. I knew it had been a while, but until I just logged in, I had no idea just how long it’s been since I’ve posted here. As we all know, life happens. I’ve been meaning to post, but I just never have carved out the time to do so on this page. I’ve been focusing on other things, like my other page: PostPunkPartum which is dedicated to my adventures in parenthood. I’ve also started working on a new business venture with my bestie. Anyone that has ever worked for themselves can attest, it’s not easy and is extremely time consuming.
Anyway, these things have been happening, in addition to being a wife and mother, which are full time jobs- after my full time job. This is actually kind of the topic of today’s blog. The path to happiness is a rocky road, filled with potholes, detours, construction, the widening or narrowing of lanes, and flat out dead ends. These are all things that I’ve been experiencing over the last several months with my little family, and my whole earth family (more on that in a another blog post).
On this road it’s hard to navigate sometimes because we don’t know what’s up ahead. We know certainly that the road around the bend is uncertain and there’s little we can do to prepare for that stretch of road, until we are coming upon it. We often times will have to drive cautiously and we may have to swerve because there’s a fallen tree that was previously out of our sight. But that’s what we do to survive, right? We react to the road ahead and do the best we can to avoid obstacles and pitfalls. Life is basically this metaphor for the entirety of the journey, in my opinion.
So, my question to this metaphor and the potential dangers in front of me is how do we maintain happiness through all of this uncertainty? Many people fear nothing but the unknown. For example, a friend of mine HATES what her job has become and spends a lot of time searching classified ads seeking new employment. However, at the very same time, she doesn’t take the steps necessary to put herself in a marketable position or to leap at all. She’s comfortable in her rut and has no desire to change herself, but she will be forced to if her company begins downsizing, as is the rumor. She could be using this time to learn a new skill or program, to better set herself up for the future; she could do a lot of things. But what is really holding her back is the fact that she doesn’t like change and she’s completely fearful of the unknown. She’s been doing her job for the better part of a decade and after that long, I’d likely be afraid too.
So how do we let go of this fear? What ways can we let go of the rut and actually take steps to change, instead of letting the universe take action for us? I’ve said it for many years that if we do not make the changes the universe (or god, the great spirit, etc) wants from us, the universe will force our hand and make the changes whether or not we like them. And from experience, we often do not like them. I’ve personally been on the receiving end of some shitty situations because I couldn’t make choices or changes fast enough and the universe forced me to adapt. Real quick. I think these changes are my least favorite. Since I’ve been on the wrong end of some universal/ karmic changes, I know better for the most part. I try to be as aware as possible of those “stirrings”, and I’ve definitely honed my “spidey sense” when it comes to change.
For instance, I’m pretty keyed in on my downsizing timeline. I know that my days are limited at my current job, which is why I’ve been actively searching for things that suit my needs and wants better. I knew taking this position that I was not long for it. It’s not what I want to do and the money/ working environment are not what I need, not to mention, I’m becoming obsolete. My supervisors are not telling us this, of course, because they still need us for the time being. It’s not a good feeling to know that you’re working yourself out of a job, even though I should be used to it. This has happened to me more than once. The fear part comes in because many of the options I have available to me, until my business gets off the ground, are simply either entirely too much for me to want to do, or not enough for us to survive. It’s pretty much a catch 22. I’m under-qualified to move up or over-qualified for what I’m good at/can be hired to do. However, I also know that by being open to the universe and the changes that are possible, the fear will be lessened overall. If I am open to changes and the rocky road ahead, I will remain alert and less afraid of the challenges in front of me.
I’ve taken thousands of wrong turns and been surprised by the outcomes, both positively and negatively. But the road of happiness is not meant to be a pristine, smooth ride. It’s designed to teach you things about yourself, force you to react to hairpin turns and switchbacks, and test your guts on the pothole proving grounds. Otherwise, how do you know you’re alive?
