Happy Monday to everyone reading this post. I hope you all had wonderful weekends. I know I did… Though, I understand now how the saying ‘take a hike’ can be offensive.
My honey and I have done a little bit of hiking and we have plans to become more avid hikers. We decided that our Sunday would be a 10.7 mile hike. Pretty ambitious for a pair of beginners. But what the hell, it can’t be that bad right?
Zoom in… it’s the long purple line that goes left to right….
We had a pretty rough time though. It could have been much worse, I’m sure, but it was pretty strenuous. It was considered a moderate hike. Some parts were really easy while others were a bit harder. The hardest part really was doing it.
Sadly, we got off to a bad start to begin with. We hiked up the wrong trail accidentally and it took an hour or so for us to get to the right one. After that it took about 6 hours.
I will tell you that I’m feeling it today, a whole bunch. I’m definitely not 19 anymore. However, even though my body hates me at the moment, I got to spend the entire day with my honey, outside in the chilly wind, having a really cool, unusual shared experience. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I love adventures and I love my man. What a perfect combination.
First, let’s recap on the craziness that has been life since the new year: Enjoying my school-free days, spending time with my honey and planning stuff, working super long hours to pay for impeding plans and vacations, skating as often as I can with my growing team, training my new employees, and the most recent bit of crazy news… I applied and got accepted into a graduate program. I start next month. This will make the next year or so interesting with all the other things happening, but I’m excited that they have faith in me and see potential in my goals enough to accept me into the program. It’s a private school, so the selection process is rather strict. But I didn’t have to take the GRE, I just had to have good grades and a few other things during my undergrad. Finally! Being a nerd pays off!
As I mentioned at the end of 2012, I will be focusing more on certain goals and doing what it takes to get there. I have fewer things and they’re certainly less structured, but the ideas I have in mind are not easier than last year. I almost think these new goals and plans are more important and require daily action to make them reality.
I’ve got several indoor and outdoor projects in mind for the house. These will require not only cash, but also serious physical determination. Working all day makes that more difficult, since I have less energy and desire to put in labor after a 10 hour day. However, the light at the end of the tunnel is that once these projects are done, the house will be even more beautiful and inviting. It’s just getting to that point.
Needless to say, I am so happy and excited about all the good things that are finally happening. It makes me feel like the struggles and positivity over the last year or two is paying off. It’s easy for me to get sucked into the negativity, especially when I’ve got people coming at me from all directions. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and tired, to snap back at people and to feel defeated. That part is a constant struggle even now. But I try to take it all in stride and know that my life does not revolve around that swirling mess of negativity. My life revolves around my family and friends, the joy that I receive from them being parts of my life. It revolves around the simple joys I experience everyday, the love that I’m shown in a thousand ways by everyone that matters and of course in how I treat and appreciate others. For this, I am grateful, even more so for the fact that I can recognize it and appreciate it.
Thank you all for participating in the amazing lives of others and keep it positive.
Happy freaking November. Man, this month seriously just snuck up on me. Is snuck even a word? My computer thinks not, but whatever… it is now. :)
Anyway, September and October did exactly their jobs as far as creating adventure and allowing me to spend time with those I love, create lasting memories and just all around have wonderful adventures. Of course these things won’t stop now that I’m moving on to a new set of goals, as this exercise is cumulative.
~Look at the true meaning, not your own perception
~Listen to your body!
~What am I feeling, honestly?
~Where’s your head?
~Show appreciation
As a Buddhist, mindfulness is quite important to finding true meaning in all things, the true teachings of the Buddha and appreciating real life, in the present.
The goals are surrounding truth this month and being in tune with not only myself, but those around me as well. It’s important for me to be mindful not only to be aware of stuff… but to also be able to show gratitude and compassion for all those that grace my life. I am so fortunate to have wonderful people and animals that balance, complete and enhance this life I’m in. Showing gratitude takes time, effort and above all… understanding. It is critical for me in my quest for happiness to make others happier also.
Taking each of these goals one-by-one, here’s the meaning behind them:
~Listen to your body!- By this I mean that I want to be more in tune with myself, my needs and come to accept my limitations. I frequently forgo sleep, food, relaxation, and general fun in my life because I’m stressed, busy, and just plain distracted. I want to listen to my body and eat when I’m hungry, sleep more when I’m tired and take time to recharge more often.
~What am I feeling, honestly?- I often bury my feelings or cast them aside in hopes of avoiding conflict or brushing them off as “reactionary” and other things I’ve deemed negative. This isn’t exactly the healthiest thing for me, nor is it a successful key to happiness. I am sometimes prone to holding grudges and being hurt for reasons that other people are unaware of. Part of this goal is allowing myself to experience feelings when I’m feeling them and also having the courage to communicate those feelings to others.
~Where’s your head?- This is more figurative than it is literal, but I do sometimes forget even where my head is on occasion… simply because I’m a frazzled mess. But the true meaning of this goal is centering. I want to take more time in my daily life to center myself and experience inner peace. Much of this started with wanting to do yoga everyday, and while much of that has fallen by the wayside, I do still have a strong desire to do it everyday. Getting there just hasn’t been easy… But this goal is more of a mental yoga. Working to not get as stressed out and to find my focus.
~Show appreciation- The key to happiness of self is helping others attain happiness. I think that many people feel unappreciated, unloved, taken for granted and all around lonely in their personal lives. I want to help alleviate some of that negativity by showing my appreciation to those that I am around regularly. I want them to know that they are not taken for granted and that they are needed.
Here’s to a happy and healthy November everyone! Be mindful and give thanks. :)
The season is finally starting to wind down in Arizona and the nights are getting brisker. The heat of the days are getting below the 100s. I’ve been meaning to start the massive interior-painting-my-house project for months and I finally feel like the weather is cooperating. I’m able to open the doors and windows to vent the place out, though the paint I spent a small fortune on is ultra low odor, low/no VOC and thankfully doesn’t bother my allergies so much. Thanks to Home Depot for finally having options other than toxic. (Shameless plug for paint that won’t kill you as quickly) So, when I get home in the evenings, I’m able to do a little painting. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I figure if I do an hour or two every couple days, I won’t kill myself and it’ll get done without rushing. That’s a major concern. I want it to look good… If I rush through it, it’ll get done, but it’ll look like crap and it will not last very long. I don’t want to have to paint every surface of my house very often. It will be done slowly and correctly. :)
The bathroom in progress
With all this OCD perfectionism, I’ve had a bit of time to think and search my brain and heart. I’ve also had a bit of time to read the last few days, though, my procrastination of homework has caused a little stress and panic. Fingers crossed for a good grade on this last lab report. It was not easy to focus on, let alone get completed. Note to self: STOP procrastinating when I have stuff due.
Anyway, there are a few things that I want to touch on in this post, first: painting is rather meditative. You are able to think and be introspective yet, incredibly focused and not realizing either. It’s all the more important to maintain focus when you have an antique hardwood floor to protect, but the attention to detail and immense concentration required… wow. Second: through this action of extreme mindfulness, it’s come to the surface that having control over my environment is incredibly important to me… I can imagine that it’s the same for others, but I’m only going to speak for myself here. Third: Money, while it doesn’t necessarily “buy happiness”, it sure buys the option.
Ok, so the meditative thing… as some of you might recall, I am not good at the meditation. It was one of my goals to find sources of meditation that were not sitting on a cushion listening to ambient music. I just cannot sit still long enough for all that. Instead I tried gardening (which hasn’t produced much but huge plants. Food? Not a scrap.). I’ve got a hobby or two that can be meditative, but it’s not been lately for other reasons that I won’t get into here. When I embarked on the painting idea, I thought only of the end result… sort of. I knew that it would take me a long time, because I’m essentially doing it myself and I also knew it wasn’t going to be easy, mostly due to the amount of time it would require. No, painting is not easy… it’s labor intensive and physically demanding. It’s not for the faint of heart. But I’ve done a whole house before, walls and ceiling. Those times though, I had consistent help and it wasn’t exactly THAT important that the job be great. A lease of only a year is sort of good like that. If it looks terrible, you don’t have to live with it long. However, home ownership has a different feel. I’m stuck with it if it sucks. Incentive to make it beautiful accepted. Just selecting the colors was a really long process. I couldn’t find a medium and dark grey that were both in the same color family that I liked. It took a long time, but I finally did it. Hell, these two colors are on the same paint card, let alone in the same color family. Anyway, so I’ve been listening to music and just taking a little bit of time as often as I can to get just bits and pieces done at a time. I’ve had a little help from someone who can reach my ceiling without a chair. For that help, I’m incredibly grateful. Plus I enjoy the company. Bonus. During this series of relatively short meditations, I’ve made a lot of internal progress. I’ve come to realize a few things not only about myself, but about what I want in my future. This has been incredibly valuable, since I’ve had the opportunity to also evaluate how I interact and gel with other people.
Chihuahuas are people too…
This leads me to my second thing, control. I have felt really out of control for many years and I guess I’ve learned to adapt to that feeling of chaos, so much in that I almost feel more comfortable in chaotic situations than otherwise. It’s partly due to the fact that I just cannot sit still, but this doesn’t help the fact that I’m to a stage in my life where I not only want, but feel like I need control over SOMETHING other than my personal body. Slowly but surely, I have been doing what I can to extract control out of my life, which in essence is uncontrollable. However, the painting project has helped me feel like I have control over my space, where I most certainly don’t, yet I feel like I have a bit of a say in what happens here. It’s quite a nice feeling. I cannot wait to see how beautiful my home is when it’s done… since I got to be the only voice in paint colors for the first time ever.
My new bedding!
And this of course, leads me to my final point. I’ve always thought to myself that money wasn’t the key to happiness. In my experience, having money meant that I had no time. I prefer having time than money. However, I’m slightly reevaluating that thought too. At this point, I’m pretty much broke, but I’ve got enough money to get the general bills paid with a tiny amount left over. For a very long time, I didn’t have two nickles to rub together and on the flip side, I had more than enough money but no time to spend it. I prefer where I am. I get to do one or two small things to get out and have adventures, but I don’t have anything extravagant. That makes me happy in and of itself. Having a few simple things, like going to one concert a month (not big arena shows or anything, but small venues, indie bands or shows that are meaningful), going out to a nice dinner once in a while… these are simple things that produce a great deal of joy in my humble life. That’s what I mean by money giving you the option of happiness… and it’s not “happiness” in general that money buys. It’s more the experience that often requires a little cash. I’m blessed to also have a few good friends that like doing stuff that I can tag along to. This gets me out a little more than I plan for and helps me achieve the “adventures with those close to me” part of my goals right now.
Rise Against!
I think, as my happiness project is creeping to it’s official end, I’ve realized more than anything that I am so fortunate. Not because I have a fancy house, a high paying job, a brand new car, tons of stuff…. because I truly have none of those things. I live in a modest house that I’m blessed to be paying for for the next 30 years, I have a high mileage used car that happens to be exactly the perfect car for me, which I’m also fortunate to be paying on for a while, a modest salary at a small business and virtually no personal possessions… I could not be more fortunate. I have a beautiful life that occasionally sucks ass, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Even if you do nothing, you’re making a choice… even if you’re not acting, you’re causing reactions.
This has been a difficult concept for me to understand over the years, but more recently, I’ve come to truly understand the concept and have successfully applied it to my life. Too often we are not living the life we want, even if it’s something so simple as not spending enough time doing whatever it is we enjoy. But more often than not, we’re seemingly trapped into this rut of an existence that is doing nothing but fostering our ulcers and making us nuts. In my case, it’s prepping me for my future heart attack.
The goals for this seasonal transition from Summer to Fall are pretty direct and apply to my ability to live an authentic life, on my terms. It started with the major upheaval, but now all these smaller things are dwindling. The first and most important aspect of “right action” is really my ability to ASK for what I want with great honesty and compassion. I have to ask myself what I truly want. I have to ask others if they want to go along with what I want, since they’re in charge of themselves, of course. I don’t get to make decisions that affect others without at least asking…
Anyway, my ability to be self aware is imperative. Almost more importantly though, is for me to be honest with others. I think self-honesty is much easier than asking those around me for anything… let alone showing them that I am vulnerable. Showing your belly is tough when you keep getting punched in it. But I keep harping on other people to be brutally honest, to be vulnerable… and here I am struggling with it. It’s so much easier to tell others what to do… yet very hard to take your own advice.
Surprisingly, I’ve also been struggling with this whole concept of “having fun”. I mean, it’s not HARD exactly, but giving myself permission to not constantly be working or focusing on something is. However, I’ve been fortunate enough to have great people in my life that remind me that all work and no play makes me a dull girl. Nobody likes that. By the same token, I am having the hardest time focusing on school. I am just so over it… meanwhile I’m talking about grad school; more on that another time.
In typical “me” form, I’m not struggling really at all in the generosity part of things, except in one instance. But that isn’t because I don’t want to be generous; I have demonstrated my extreme ability to give in this case… It just conflicts directly with my present and future goals to continue to be generous here. I think by continuing to give, I’m not only doing myself a disservice by not living my life the way I want to, but I’m also doing the parties involved a disservice too. This is where that honesty thing and generosity must strike some sort of balance. Sadly, it’s easier said than done.
Considering all this and more that is happening in my life at the current moment, I feel happier than I have in a very long time. I know that I am slowly building my ideal life and with that comes ideal happiness. This is not to say that things are or will ever be “perfect”, because I can assure you, they’re not and they never will be. I have and will continue to struggle, grow and change. There will always be adversity and things that I must overcome throughout my life. But I feel as if I’m better able to cope with adversity and face these challenges without as much fear and with more knowhow about what I can handle. I have come to understand that people are able to overcome MUCH more than they give themselves credit for. I have seen it in myself and in others. Humans are incredibly resilient creatures and each of us has amazing power to persevere.
Now, if I could just make a decision out of a wet paper bag, everything would work itself out. Until then… there’s more to learn.
