Tag: Buddhism

The Art of Laughter or How Awkward Will Prevail

A little about me: I’m awkward, shy and often say stupid things when I’m nervous or around people I don’t know well. I’m sure there are more people afflicted with this type of, in my opinion, social anxiety. But I think I take it to a whole new level sometimes.

A little more about me: I just started a new job because the place that I was working before shut down due to “budget concerns” or some such nonsense. Anyway, I’m ending my second week at the new place and like it a great deal. Everyone that I’ve met is pleasant and in some cases incredibly nice. Even the owners are super nice and personable.

Several of my coworkers or related (there’s a husband and wife duo and a mother and son, as well as several groups of friends that know one another outside of work). This makes me feel more awkward than usual. Everyone is laughing and joking together most of the day but I feel like I’m missing the joke.

I laugh with my coworkers and we all make jokes that I understand, but as with many people who know each other well, they’ve got a lot of inside jokes and comments that go over my head entirely. So I choose to ignore them. What else can I do?

During a few conversations during lunch and while working we’ve been joking and I have said something that either sounded better in my head, or just didn’t come out right. I instantly know I shouldn’t have said that, and then I dwell. I roll it over and over in my head and create intense anxiety. Saying the right things is not always easy, especially in a new group of people.

I really like my coworkers but find myself feeling more and more awkward. I feel at ease in the work that I do, since I’m already getting compliments on how quick I’ve learned and how much faster I’m going, but I feel ever more uncomfortable socially with the majority of the people I work with. There’s really only one person that I can say I’m not anxious around, and she’s my boss.

So, how does all this play into my “Right Speech” goals this month? Well, first and foremost, I’ve become more introverted amongst my coworkers and unless I have to or unless there’s something funny that I want to say, I find myself not talking at all. I guess there’s a way to make sure nothing bad falls out… just don’t talk. But I’m often very chatty and I really enjoy conversing with others, so this feels inauthentic and still kind of stresses me out. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Ultimately, I’ve relegated myself to the fact that I’m going to say stupid things that don’t go over well and I’ll likely continue to be ever increasingly awkward. This is just something I must live with I suppose. Such is life. :)

(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/041302/awkward-twins.gif)

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Not swearing is HARD

This month is dedicated to watching what I say and how I say it. I’ve been doing my best to be aware of my words and awareness brings about change, if you ask me. But, let me just say this right now… not swearing is much harder than I thought it would be.

I’m not the kind of person who F-bombs all day or anything, but I will use explicatives for emphasis. And considering some of the people that I associate with, not doing that is rather difficult. It’s along the lines of asking a sailor to stop cussing, as the saying goes.

Anyway, until now, I didn’t particularly pay attention, unless I was in mixed company, to the word choices I used. Now, with my new found awareness… I find that my words have lost their emphasis, I suppose. For instance, when I get really fired up about something or excited… my words are lacking that added measure of disgust/elation.

Truth be told, I need to expand my vocabulary. I think that’s really all this means. So as a side goal, I’m going to have to find words that are suitable replacements for common phrases that are less offensive. At work I say “shizzle” in place of a word or two and instead of holy hell, simply because I find it funny, I say “holy halibut”. But I was watching a weed control commercial and one of the lines when the homeowner saw his grass had all died said “What the front yard?!” and I find this very funny. I’ve not had a place to use it yet, but I will. Rest assured.

Anyway, if you have any good swearing substitutes, or just really great vocabulary words that I can use in everyday speaking, please share them. I’m interested in finding other things to say. Thanks for reading!

(http://www.buyolympia.com/q/Item=tm-explicative-checkbook)

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May and June Goals! Look out!

Here they are:
Interpersonal skills (overall goal)
~ Right Speech (more focused goal)
Bite your tongue and never say things that you cannot truly take back
Fight right: in words, thoughts and deeds
Pure and beautiful words: eliminate harsh language
Nobody’s perfect, express positivity in words often: show leniency and positivity
Abstain from idle chatter and gossip: I mean it.

Well, here we are again, the start of a new set of goals in the happiness quest. The above goals, upon reading them again to put them in this post, seem a little like I’m a jerk. I want to slightly clarify, in my own defense. Since, those that truly know me know, yes I can be blunt and direct, but I’ll also be your biggest fan and supporter, no matter what.

However, I also have a very short temper in certain situations… like in arguments. It’s not that I’m malicious or anything on purpose, I just want the fight to be over NOW, by any means necessary. And once I cross over the “too much drama/stress” line, all bets are off. I know that this is incredibly unhealthy for not just myself, but those I’m close to. It ends up dragging out the argument much longer and makes it significantly worse for both parties. So, instead of this, I’m going to start fighting right all the way from my thoughts to what comes out of my mouth, to even my body language. I am too old and too tired of playing baby games. I need to start acting and fighting like a rational, mature person.

The goal of “pure and beautiful words” is a Buddhist principle that, after working in a warehouse, has essentially made impossible for me to adhere to. In short, it means no cussing. I’m not typically someone who swears a lot, but when I’m with friends I let the F-bombs fly. I’ve decided that it not only makes me look stupid, it makes me feel childish and unintelligent. I have a pretty extensive vocabulary, I’m sure that I can find OTHER words to express myself.

I hold myself to an often insane and unattainable standard and I’m prone to holding others to those standards as well. I need to knock it off. It’s not fair to other people that I hold them to these standards nor is it my place to be upset with them for being human. Because of these standards I impose on people, I tend to be critical of them and because I’m also a “fixer” (by which I feel compelled to fix everything or make suggestions as to how one can fix it), I come off harsh and often bossy. I don’t want people to think I’m being critical, judging them or bossing them around. I’m just a perfectionist. However, I need to keep that crap to myself. I think others find it annoying.

Finally, I’m going to stop gossiping. I’ve been thinking about this particular goal quite a bit in the last few weeks because I knew it was coming up. I was just making a mental note of times where I gossip or just say things about people that I probably shouldn’t share. So, I’m fairly sure this goal may be one of the hardest to retrain myself in, but I’m recognizing that I need to be less of a chatterbox.

Anyway, there you have it folks! My goals for the next two months. What goals have you set out for yourselves? Are they anything like mine? Feel free to share them in the comments section. :)

(http://blogs.villagevoice.com/dailymusto/2011/07/gossip_gossip_g.php) -credit for above picture

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Maybe this weight is a gift…

It’s funny how my mp3 player sometimes knows exactly how I’m feeling. During those times, songs play that are 100% perfect.

Lately, I’ve been struggling to feel positive about things as they are. I’m struggling with one class, so much so that it’s unlikely I’ll pass. That, in and of itself is frustrating, but having to take it again… even more so. Generally, I’m keeping it positive but there are issues with not having a job (though, it does free up some time to blog and study for finals, clean the house) and a sick dog doesn’t exactly help out finances any. But THIS SONG from Nada Surf reminds me that A) it’s not so bad and B) and maybe all these struggles I’ve been experiencing is just the stress before profound growth and that maybe there’s a lesson in all this.

“Do It Again”

Well I’d snap to attention
If I thought that you knew the way
I’d open my mouth
If I had something smart to say
I bought a stack of books
I didn’t read a thing
It’s like I’m sitting here
Waiting for birds to sing
Let’s do it again
Come on let’s do it again
Please let’s do it again
The hum of the clock
Is a far-away place
The azalea air holding your face
You’re lying down
And the moon is sideways
From the hot to the cold
It never gets old
I spend all my energy
Staying upright
And I like the masking noise quiet
Of your breathing nearby
I want you lazy science
I want some peace
Are you the future?
Show me the keys
When I accelerate
I remember why it’s good to be alive
Like a twenty-five cent game
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
Thanks to Erdbeerpraline for adding these lyrics.

(http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nadasurf/doitagain.html)

 

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Right View- Update

For March and April my goals were as follows:

Life is suffering, strive to eliminate it for those around you in ways that matter to them, not yourself
End toxic relationships for good
Cultivate wholesome relationships with like-minded people: find more vegans
Avoid attachments to unnecessary or unwholesome things: stop watching reality tv
What goes in is what comes out: go organic and/or grow it yourself

Since April is coming to a close, I figured that I should take a minute to take stock of how I’m doing with these goals. Let’s take the first one, for example. Yes, my thinking is changing about what it takes to help others and what I can do to be more effective at it. But there’s a sort of hidden meaning with this one. I want to, in addition to helping those around me, also concentrate on not beating myself up because I’m not able to help them in ways that I want to. So, my friend calls and is upset about something, I want to fix it… but really what she needs is a good listener. I feel like I’m not helping at all, but she ultimately feels better. I feel guilty because I didn’t “help her” in a way that I felt she needed. This is something I’ve been working on and there’s not really a defined measurement of success, but I know that just by being here, I’m doing all I can in some cases and that should be good enough.

Ending toxic relationships: this one is a little tricky. I want to end a few relationships with people that have exceeded their usefulness and have become toxic. I really do. But it’s hard to tell someone you rarely speak to that you want to continue to stop speaking to them. In this case, I’m just letting sleeping dogs lie, as it were. I don’t think it’s worth the stress or explanation to have to contact a person to tell them you don’t want to talk to them. I have weeded out my social media sites almost entirely of people that I’m not truly friends with or that are more stress than I can handle. Woo! Small victory!

Cultivating relationships with people is rather difficult when you’re insulating yourself and nesting. It’s hard to meet people, go out and be with friends etc when all I want to do is organize the house and work on the garden. This one is going to be a work in progress i think, but I’ve already set out the feelers and have been networking with people in my field of work. THAT might pose to be more “useful” than having friends at this point.

Unwholesome attachments are something I’m pretty good at severing, I’ve decided. Yes, I spend some time on the couch watching the tube with my honey, however, lately… it’s been “reality” shows of a different kind… home improvement shows! I could literally watch home and garden shows all day. This is sort of my new obsession, mainly because there are so many interesting ideas and new things that have come out to make my home not only functional (which is a MUST) but also really beautiful. I cannot wait to put some of these ideas in motion. It’s going to be epic!

Finally, of course, the garden. Aside from having to outsmart a small pack of animals (our dogs and the neighborhood cat population), it’s slow at best. I’m not sure if it’s the weather, the seeds we started with or what… but the garden is appearing to be a constant work in progress. Chalk one up for us though. We caged it so it’s no longer a litter box. :)

Anyway, look for more updates in the next few days as I prepare for next month and the subsequent goals!

(Calgary Buddhist Temple http://www.calgary-buddhist.ab.ca/statue.htm)

 

 

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