Tag: changes

Worry and the art of letting go

Anxiety, worry, fretting, and similar feelings or actions are really just the inability for human beings to let go of something. It could be a person, a situation, the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”… but the crux is that there is something that we are attached to, that we cannot let go of.

I am just as, if not more so, guilty of this. I have severe anxiety about things that are TOTALLY out of my control. It’s so very easy for me to point out to other people, their turmoil and anguish is simply because they won’t let go of something. I recognize these traits in myself all the time, but I often feel powerless to stop the train. I end up rolling things over and over and over in my head, obsessing until things are blown so far out of proportion that it barely is recognizable to the initial problem. So not only can’t I let go of something, but I also explode it until it’s a mountain, instead of a molehill.

Clearly, not all issues are “molehills”. Some things that cause stress are exactly the opposite of a molehill. Some of the things in our lives are literally life and death. These things are not what I’m talking about here. Very serious issues warrant a certain amount of “letting go” too, but often come with a number of smaller problems that also must be dealt with.

However, with all things, there’s perceptions and levels of sensitivity. It’s important to focus on SOLVING the problems, rather than obsessing over how they’re impacting your life. The best way to “let go” is to solve the problem, so that it goes away. Dwelling has never solved a problem in and of itself, nor has holding on to pain and hurt feelings. I know many people who are close to me that are literally giving themselves physical health problems due to their inability to let go of pain. Old relationships, “what-ifs” and more have caused debilitating anxiety, heart issues, weight gain, fatigue, depression and more in these folks. It’s painful to watch from the outside, and it’s difficult to be on the receiving end of their struggle.

It’s extraordinarily hard to be an empath, dealing with your own struggles in this life, to then be the dumping ground for other people. This causes worry for both of us. In now in your boat, feeling what you feel… stressing with you. It makes you feel better that I’m there to comfort you, but it makes people around you feel worse. Letting go of the need to rescue those in need is a serious struggle toward self-care. It’s a battle I often lose for the sake of being “there” for those that I love. And the struggle is real.

I don’t have any advice for learning to let go, however, recognizing is the first step I guess. But I can say for sure that I’m good at recognizing but bad at letting things go, and also creating healthy boundaries. It’s something I work on daily.

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Good things happen to bad people…

I often find myself wondering exactly how it is that bad things happen to some of the most wonderful people and how great things can happen to some of the Earth’s most abhorrent.

I have this overwhelming sense that the world should be “fair” but simply isn’t and shit happens to people who are largely undeserving. Recently I read an article that tackled this exact thing. So, part of the hangup about bad things happening to good people is that we see the world as “just” or have a deep sense of “justice”, and good things for bad people is contrary to that ideal. However, this article posits that YES, the world is in fact “fair”. Simply put, the Law of Attraction- we create our own reality.

In essence, even if horrible people BELIEVE they are deserving of good things, they’ll get them. And on the flip side, if amazing people BELIEVE they’re not worthy of all that the universe has to offer, they’ll simply attract the negative things they worry about. Like attracts Like.

Now, the rationalist in me says that’s total bullshit, because again, justice. I mean, I cannot fathom that when horrible things happen: poverty, assault, kidnapping, murder, etc. these people are “asking for it” in the form of attracting it with their “vibrations”. That simply cannot reconcile in my head. At the same time, I’ve seen people quite literally manifest miracles out of thin air. The dream job, a sudden windfall, and more, have fallen into the laps of people, myself included.

So that really begs the question: Why cannot good things happen to only the “good” people? This is assuming that the construct of good and bad are based on sort of the collective conscious that things like rape, murder, theft, lying, etc are bad and charity, selflessness, joy, service, honesty, trust, etc are good things. Are they just not positive enough about themselves?

The article goes on to point out horrible employees as an example. How is it that shitty people who do nothing but brag, step on others, are disrespectful, and more manage to be continually promoted and held in high regard within organizations? It’s because they are CONVINCED that they’re great, so much so that they never shut up about their achievements, and they truly BELIEVE they deserve it, despite their clear character flaws. Whereas the “good” people, tend to be humble, with a deep sense of humility and candor. Rather than bragging and stepping on others, they will generally SHARE the accolades with their teams, or humbly and quietly stay out of the limelight.

So, my natural train of thought is how can one be humble and true to oneself, while also attracting good things? In other words, how can I gain and still not be a dick? Personally, I’ve found this a tough balance to walk. I am not one to brag about my achievements, but at the same time, I know that I am deserving of good things. I’m convinced that I still need to work on shifting my mindset to really solidify my stance that A) I am deserving of all the good things the universe has to offer and B) That I can still be humble while knowing this fact.

Thanks for reading!

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The overwhelming reality

So I was looking at my blog and realized this quasi-fledgling endeavor of mine has become part of what I refer to ‘Internet overwhelm’. Everyone knows that the internet is FILLED TO THE BRIM with more information, opinion, and the unknown than any one human could ever consume in an entire lifetime. Even people who are readers or people who stumble upon this particular blog, seem to be suffering from information fatigue.

This concept ties directly in with the recent posts over here about Facebook in particular, but social media generally. In a way, I’d consider blogs as social media. What I find most intersting though is that blogging seems to be less two-way interaction than other forms of social media. Of course there’s a comment section, which I encourage readers to make use of, it’s less immediate and public as posts to social media.

There’s this feeling as if between our personal lives and the atmosphere in the world, many forms of sharing just become part of the larger backdrop, and very little stands out anymore.  It all just becomes the hum around us.

After my break from social media, these nuances are becoming more clear and I’m categorically less interested in participating. Strangely and surprisingly, my husband who is an intense social media user, all but deleted his fb account today. He wants to keep in touch with a couple people and maintain his presence in a couple of niche groups, so he didn’t delete it completely. But he removed all of his friends, with three exceptions, myself being one of them.

He sent the friends he wants to maintain messages containing his email and phone number, but then promptly deleted them and moved on. I’m proud of him. I doubt I’ll go to that extent, but I have already found myself frustrated and annoyed with the state of these things.

What about you, the readers? Care to weigh in on your opinions?

Thanks for reading!

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Facebook free update

So the week without facebook has come to an end. I had forgotten about it completely until I saw my husband scrolling through his feed Sunday morning. I turned to him and said, “Well, I guess it’s back to facebook?” He shrugged and sort of smugly stated that it’s been a week and it was Sunday.

Much to my chagrin, I decided to check in and see what had been happening since we took the break. Honestly, I didn’t miss much. I missed some tags in funny stories or photos. I missed a bunch of bullshit politics that have no purpose but to make me want to flee the country in terror. And I also missed a few photos that friends posted of their kids and fur babies. Otherwise, facebook is dead to me.

I find it funny how little is actually shared on social media. Most of it is really just rehashing the same memes and the same disgusting news stories. There’s nothing new, unless you haven’t yet hidden your friends and family with opposing viewpoints. And even those things aren’t new, just showing the same facts from the opposite perspective. Theoretically, that would be a good thing. However, 99% of those news stories are only created and shared to be divisive, not to actually broaden the sphere of information in the world.

I’m thinking that while I won’t be attached to scrolling fb anymore, I won’t be completely abstaining either. Just taking a moment to check in and see what I’ve missed will be ok, but anything more than that will make me want to kill people. As my friend’s mom recently said, “It ain’t worth my peace”.

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What do I do with my hands?

I never really realized how much time I waste on facebook in a given day. It’s like a smoker who takes a fiver here and there throughout the day… it’s just something always at my fingertips, something to fidget with, scrolling through and killing a couple minutes at a time. With all this “spare” time on my hands, I’m kind of at a loss as to what to do with them.

I’ve been blogging and working on some business things, in addition to my day job. But I still find myself thinking occasionally, “Oh, I should post that.” It doesn’t help that I get email notifications when someone tags me on facebook. Thankfully I’m not the person that has text notifications set up, because that would drive me crazy all day long. Instead, I’ve taken to compulsively checking my email and once in a while I come across a notice that someone tagged me. I have thus far fought the urge to open it or to see what people are saying to me, but the desire is all too real.

Several studies that I’ve read included information about the addictive properties of electronic devices. They mention that the pleasure centers of the brain light up like a Christmas tree in similar ways to drug use and romantic love. The problem with this is that these feelings are highly addictive and fleeting, leaving the person seeking more and more, not unlike that same drug user. Feeling good is absolutely addictive. This explains quite simply any variety of addiction, from drugs and gambling to sex. Experiencing these pleasures occasionally heightens our lives, but when pleasure seeking BECOMES your life, what is left?

This is kind of what I’ve been exploring in my head, since we logged off facebook. My husband has sort of shifted his attention to other forms of electronic stimulation: Instagram and his old Gameboy. However, even with those distractions, he’s still been a lot more motivated at home. He’s been organizing and reconfiguring the furniture, since we have yet to find an array of these items that A) is comfortable for all of us and B) suits each of our specific needs. Thankfully, we have a modular couch and can assemble and disassemble it in countless configurations. (Shout out to Lovesac) He’s even reconfigured and reorganized his man cave to where it’s more functional.

We decided before the facebook break to remove the carpet in our living room. Fortunately for us, they installed it poorly and it was extremely easy to remove. Now we’ve just got some bare concrete, but it’s a pretty cool orange color, so I’m not complaining. Our baby finds it very fun to run on, instead of the scratchy carpet. It’s definitely a work in progress still.

In addition to the facebook hiatus, we’re rationing our tv consumption. Even though we only watched just over an hour of television together, I still feel like my night whipped by faster than ever. I looked at the clock and it was already 7:30pm. I looked at my husband and was so surprised that our night was almost over. It was crazy how fast the night ended and how quickly I was ready to go to bed. I’m digging that we are doing other things with our time together, but shocked at how fast it went.

Here’s to another day living without social media! Cheers!

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