Tag: food

Writing is hard, mmmmmkay?

Ok, the writing itself isn’t hard. Really, it’s carving out the time to do it. Yes, I make time to do other things, such as watching tv with my partner, read stories to my preschooler, stare off into blank space, and of course, the ultimate time suck: scroll through social media. But lately, we’ve been falling into the rhythm of the change in season (and daylight savings, since I’ve not had to do that in many years. Hats off to Arizona for not succumbing to such silliness). The days are getting shorter, the air getting significantly colder, and motivation getting harder to muster.

Instead of writing, I’ve been doing my best to get into a gym schedule that works with my every-pressing work obligations. My ability to keep healthy during the long Midwest winters is something I’ve been striving for the last few months. I do not want to get into a rut of laziness, certainly not before my sunny mid-winter vacation we’ve got planned. I want to look and feel strong and healthy alongside my family while taking in the sea air and ocean views.

Moreover, I’ve been looking into winterizing my car, and looking for ways to keep myself happy when “outside” isn’t on my radar. We are investing in full spectrum light bulbs to ward off the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), of which I definitely struggle, and also fun things to do indoors for a houseful of people who are busybodies. Interactive games and toys that span a wide range of ages are easier said than done. We have a preschooler and teenagers, in addition to adults with short attention spans.

As I have done many times in my recent past, I’ve made a decision about this new season (read: goddamn it’s cold), and that is to embrace it. Despite the fact that everyone in my house has fallen ill in the last few weeks, I’ve maintained my immune system’s fortitude. I do not plan on being anything but healthy throughout this winter (and beyond). I will continue to boost my immunity with elderberry, zinc, vitamin C, and my standard multi-vitamins, but more to the point, I have made the mental and emotional choice to remain mentally healthy too. SAD is a real, and sometimes serious condition, especially in this part of the US.

I’m not saying I won’t have down days, because that’s a distinct possibility as the grey wears on for weeks. The winter here is just starting, and I’ve got a long time before we see much of the sun again. However, the decision I’ve made is this: I am going to embrace this part of my life here. Not just for me, but for my partner and the kiddos in our lives. They all look to me, consciously or not, to be a constant grounding force in our home. I owe it to myself to accept and love the life I’ve chosen, even if this climate is exactly the opposite of my desire. But I also owe it to my family to be happy, present, and connective as much as possible.

The cold sucks, the snow sucks, the winter that drags on for what seems like eons, sucks. But, I have the power to smile through it. To see my daughter see snow for the first time, to build forts, and throw snowballs, and go sledding, and throw herself into snow banks, just as I did so many years ago. I have the opportunity to experience my youth again, and all the excitement I once had, with fresh eyes and wonder, with her and through her. I also get to do it with the family I’ve chosen, to create new memories with them, to share experiences with them. I’m so grateful and I cannot wait.

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Wake Up

When I typed in “bed”, to search for a photo to go at the top of this entry, there were quite a few clocks similar to the one I chose above. It’s very strange that searching for a bed, I get a clock. However, it’s rather fitting, given the title.

Waking up, is quite literally the very first thing we do each day. Not “being awake”, as to many of us “awake” is a much different state than “waking up”. For a large portion of us, the thing letting us know that IT IS TIME, is often a loud thing in our ears. Whether it’s an alarm clock, a child, pet, or partner, something jolted us from asleep, to awake.

I, personally, take issue with this jolting part. I’m sure many others do too. However, unlike many people, at least in my life, I do not like snoozing. I typically, if left to my own devices, just get up when I wake up. Recently, my partner has been quite persuasive in encouraging me to remain in our warm, comfy bed a few minutes longer than I would otherwise. I silently think he’s using it to feel better about himself snoozing a bit extra, but don’t tell him I said that. ;)

In reality though, I tend to oversleep and wind up rushing, rather than allowing myself a few extra moments of relaxation before stepping out the front door. When you have a small child, spare minutes are really helpful. Especially since my kiddo is a sleeper. She will sleep 10 hours or more if I let her. Unfortunately, like her father, she’s also a night owl. I’m an early bird, so her bedtime is early, because she has school and I have work. Also, she takes forever to wake up more days than not. It’s annoying trying to coax a preschooler out of bed at 6am, without a major fight.

I know there are some kids like me, and you are all my people. I’ve never been a sleeper, not even during my partiest of party years. I was always on time for work, even after virtually or actually zero sleep the night(s) before. I wasn’t even a sleepy child. But I think the reasons for that are more anxiety related, and maybe they still are.

Which leads me to discuss the real topic of today’s blog. The sleeping habits of my family was merely a segue.

There’s a new culture about that’s gained popularity and a name. Woke. I’m by no means an expert on popular culture in any fashion, but I pay attention to things. Woke culture seems to be heavily intersecting with Call-out culture which has shone a light on a number of really great things, but I also think that they can be really damaging in certain contexts.

Trust me when I say that I’m an absolute advocate for human, animal, and environmental rights. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life as an activist, but part of me wonders, what happened exactly to letting others do their own thing, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else? I had a teacher in high school say that my rights as a person end at the tip of my nose, or that my rights do not extend to a place where yours are being infringed upon. So, who are people that are telling me that I’m wrong for doing X,Y, or Z, if it’s not affecting them in any way? I’m just over here, doing my thing.

If I’m over here being an asshole, I fully deserve to be called out, but if I have purple hair (which I do at 38 yrs old), who cares? If my partner and I have tattoos and have the nerve to swim in a public pool, who gives a shit? Why do people suddenly feel entitled to give me or him or anyone else flack for that?

The short answer: you don’t. Knock it off. End of discussion. Pretty simple. Stop it. The end.

But meanwhile there’s politicians trying to legislate women’s bodies, the rights of trans people, and profiteering from war and gun violence. There’s something seriously wrong with this. If you want to call anyone out, let’s call out our legislators. Call your congressmen and women. Get woke to real shit and let’s be working toward equality and rights for us all. Instead, there’s a bunch of infighting, bickering, and worse. Knock it off. Your rights end at the end of your nose. You don’t get to be in charge of anyone else’s body, mind, rights, etc. Stop it. End of discussion.

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The Art of Success

beach ocean sand sea
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

If anyone is familiar with the culture of daytime soap operas, you can appreciate “Like sand through an hourglass, these are The Days of Our Lives”. As someone who has watched sand be washed away by the sea for countless hours, I can appreciate the metaphor of sifting and shifting sand as a description of life. While an hourglass and the beach are vastly different arenas, the movement of these small pebbles is quite patterned.

Sand, whether wet or dry, moves in a seemingly haphazard way. However, it takes on different properties regardless. Nevertheless, it shifts, settles, and shifts again. Watching how it fills with sea water and rides the current is so simple, but equally entrancing. I can watch the sea forever and never tire of it. What is interesting, and the point of the featured photo for this blog post, is that you can ruin the beach, write your name in the sand, dig deep holes for water to invade and fill, you can build castles with moats, whatever you like. But the power of water in its simplicity but extreme force, will eventually dull the largest of mountains. This is always the way.

So how do we measure success in this ever shifting landscape around us? Is it money? Name recognition? Power? Longevity?

For me, it’s hard to determine what I view as “success”, simply because I don’t feel like I’ve truly achieved it. In infinite ways, I’ve reached success, but I never feel successful. I feel as though much of what I’ve accomplished is expected. I should not get a trophy for adulting. Kudos are reserves for those who’ve done something remarkable. I’ve merely played the game most of my life, and have done some things.

When I owned a marginally reputable business, it was reputable not because we were flush with cash. We were the only one of our kind in the area of the country where we were located. That’s basically it. I believe we achieved some really cool things, and looking back, I can say we did everything that I set out to do from the very beginning. But we exploded, and quick. With a force I never could have expected. And at the same time my personal life was imploding. Talk about timing.

Since then, I’ve sold virtually everything I own, packed up what was left of my dignity and moved across the country with my roommate and kiddo (plus all the companion animals anyone could ever want). We scraped and carved out a new life in the last few months that doesn’t even vaguely remember the previous one. But was I successful? What the hell was I trying to accomplish? Did I even come close?

I haven’t a clue.

What I can say is that I feel more at peace with myself. I feel more connected to the folks around me in meaningful ways (with the exception of some of my close friends at the old business). I am making more money now, than I ever did in our old city, doing basically the same things I was before I started a business. The financial consequences of a closed business still are looming, but I’m slowly chipping away at them, as time progresses. Does this make me successful? Does it make me a “coulda been”? Or even worse, does it make me a “has been”? These are the questions that roll around in my head while I’m battling insomnia, which thankfully, is not as much of as issue as it was in my previous life.

I think regardless of being successful or not, I am happy with this current incarnation of myself and my life. My kiddo is thriving in ways I never considered. Our roommate is advancing rapidly in her career, where her previous location was stifling her at every turn. I even have a partner who is doing better than he’s ever done in his career. We are all doing amazingly well, in short order. I truly believe that we all had to go through our darkest times, to appreciate the beautiful lives we’ve created recently. I am genuinely grateful that the universe forced me into making drastic, sweeping changes. Life, albeit incredibly difficult, is wonderful.

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How do you do anything?

close up photo of water drops
Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com on Pexels.com

I watched some TED talks this weekend, and there were some memorable quotes. One of which really resonated with me. “How you do anything is how you do everything”. Wow. That’s really deep, if you ask me. The depth of this statement goes on further to say, that if you plan to get up at a certain time, you don’t hit snooze. If you do, that’s a true reflection of how you live your life. It’s fundamental quality is that you cannot follow through, therefore you will be stuck in the same mindframe, until you decide otherwise.

Another TED talk mentioned that it takes the exact same amount of energy to get out of bed, as it does to do anything else in your life. You have to consciously decide that you will not hit snooze, will yourself to open your eyes, and put your feet on the floor, taking that first step towards the door. It’s all the same energy and strength. It takes the same determination and character. (Side note- who are these people that have such a struggle getting up in the morning? Seriously.)

What I took from these talks and a number of others is that we have to make conscious decisions on how we will interact with the world around us, and how we interact with ourselves. Living authentically, doing and saying things congruently, are of vital importance to your mind and spirit. It’s what makes us happy, by living our truth, and it sets the stage for what we will allow in our lives, positive or negative. If you want to get fit and not take the steps to do that, it’s all lip service with no action.

This is one I’m guilty of lately. I’ve been talking about getting a gym membership for weeks now, and I’ve yet to do it. I have been finding excuses and while some might be valid (not having the money to start up), others are less valid. For instance, not “having time”, or “it’s inconvenient today” are some of the excuses I’ve run around in my head lately. Yes, I’ve been busy with work and family, but there’s no reason I cannot spare an hour of my life, take the kiddo to the kids care area, and burn off some energy.  It’s just the story I’m telling myself, while I simultaneously lament that I’m “so out of shape”. I really am, however, going to hit the gym this week. It’s important for my health and mental well-being. I’ve procrastinated too long and I’m not screwing around with it anymore.

But that’s just it. How much happier would we be if we just lived our truths? I know the moment I stopped giving a shit about living the life that other people expected from me, I was infinitely happier, and it just keeps getting better. It’s important for us as humans to be authentic and to live and speak our truths. Living against our true nature will literally eat you from the inside, out. So many of us have anxiety, depression, physical ailments that are from stress. That’s not to discount chemical imbalances, by any means. But often, people harbor feelings we aren’t in a place that we can act on, or worse, feelings and creativity that we stuff down inside ourselves to live some other life. It’s crazy. I’m done doing it, are you?

Thanks for reading.

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Bliggity Blog

joy painting brush
Photo by Bekka Mongeau on Pexels.com

Life is funny sometimes all the time. It certainly sucks less when you approach it with a sense of humor.

This week has been challenging and I could have definitely changed how I reacted in a few situations. But I’m human and still learning and growing. I’ve made an internal promise that I will no longer talk to myself in a way that I would not talk to a person close to me. I’ve even done my best to curb the internal dialogue in my head, the one that loves to concoct stories about my worth, which are simply not true. I’ve also fallen short of my goal of four times per week, writing this blog. I am fully aware that I have made a few choices to do something else with my time, and am not beating myself about it, as I would have in the past. Again, human being, with humans in my life that also require and deserve my attention.

In positive news, we here have decided to make some healthy, positive changes to our daily routines. The primary one is getting a gym membership at the local YMCA. I’ve been out of competitive sports for a number of years and I have decided that my sedentary lifestyle as of late, is creating problems in my psyche. I have been using time and childcare as a crutch for why I couldn’t work out, and finances are finally lining up the way they’re supposed to. This Y also has a daycare center onsite, which will be really convenient when my temporary work assignment ends. Additionally, when the weather is garbage in the upper midwest, we will have a nearby place to workout and warm up.

I’m really excited to have something to do in the evenings that isn’t dealing with pets and home and nonsense adult things. Instead, we can be active, and do things that are healthy for our minds and spirits. My partner is potentially less excited than me, but he will live. The kiddo doesn’t even know what it means, but she’s going to the gym to hang out with other kids. And learn to swim. That’s also something I’m very excited about. She needs to know how to swim for so many reasons. We live in a state where “lake life” is a real thing. Oddly enough, after living in a sun state for several years, she still doesn’t know how to independently.

In addition to having a rad place to exercise close to home, we are just doing our best to live our best lives and be good humans. I’ve been doing everything I can to be positive and patient with all things and people who cross my path. Being grateful has helped significantly with all these things. I’ve been listening to tons of audiobooks from the library website, which has added enrichment to my days, and provided much insight into humanity. This habit has allowed me to focus on a number of things that I’m working on. And that makes me happier in general.

Thanks for reading.

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