Tag: gardening

Independence

This week, we in the United States, experienced Independence Day. It’s supposed to be a celebration of our separation from the British monarchy. Without getting too political here, I’m not so sure we are actually all that separated from any sort of Authoritarian rule, and we may see a return to something resembling a monarchy someday. Things are getting weird here.

Anyway, that’s not what this is post is about. Instead, the concept of independence at all, is the topic of this entry. There are no independent factors in an ecosystem. The sun allows plants to photosynthesize, the water to carry nutrients, the insects feed on, spread the seeds and/or pollen for plant propagation, other animals feed on those insects, other animals feed on those animals and so on. No one that survives does it completely alone. We, even as humans, are critically DEPENDENT on other beings. The beings who produce the organisms we eat, the insects, the decomposers who deal with the decaying matter, and everything in between. We are dependent on on another too. As babies, we are under developed and fragile. We need safe and appropriate caretakers (the jury is often out on that one) not only to carry us around and feed us, but to teach us things as well. Culture, mores, norms, methods of communication, how and where to find food, what food even IS… these are all things we learn very young from the people in charge of us. That’s wildly dependent for a bunch of years, unheard of in the remainder of the animal kingdom. Other primates don’t care directly for their young for nearly as long, nor do any other mammals on the planet. We are quite unique in that way, just how intensely dependent we are and for as long.

http://images.nationalgeographic.com/wpf/media-live/photos/000/015/cache/swirling-aurora-nicklen_1528_990x742.jpg

As a Buddhist, I understand INTERdependence. So not only are we dependent, but we are all mutually dependent on one another. It’s a two-way street, you see. I am dependent on others, who are also and generally equally, dependent on me. That’s not to say we are responsible for the care and upkeep of every living thing we come across, because that’s not sustainable. It does mean that we are all in this together and nobody is above needing others to help them out. We need the air, water, plants, insects, etc. We also need the fellow inhabitants on this rock to not destroy the resources we all have to share. This last bit some people struggle with, I think. These resources that are available for us all, we have to share them. Instead, we’ve commodified basic life sustaining elements, like clean air and water. It’s really a shame. Sure, it’s not likely that we’d have moved from hunter-gatherers to what we have now, without commodifying basic needs. But now we have shit like credit scores and taxes, paying for water, when we probably could have gone a different way.

Since our planet is careening toward the 6th mass extinction, what can we do? I mean, obviously our species, and many we share the Earth with, are not going to make it without some drastic changes. Our stubborn humans generally don’t want to admit there is a problem, or can’t decide who has to be responsible for it. As individuals, we have choices, however. We vote for the world we want to live in, with every dollar we spend. We can choose to use those bucks wisely, and make better, more sustainable choices. The disposable nature of the society we’ve created, requires us to forget our connectedness.

Finding people who are on a similar path, helps to build community and additional resources for us. We can choose to recognize that we are here for the same reasons, and we are all deserving of respect, even if we don’t agree ideologically. We all want to feel successful in our lives, find meaning in our families or chosen families, and want to pursue happiness in whatever forms make sense. But I encourage us to also internalize the idea that none of us are islands unto ourselves and we need one another to make it. Not just as a species, but as members of the species. We don’t want our lives cut short, typically. This means we have to work together, especially in the ever-changing world. We have to find our people and work together. Create the villages we all know we need. Things don’t seem to be getting easier in many ways, even with all the technology we can and will develop. Nothing can take the place of connection and interconnectedness.

Thank you for reading.

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Happy 201 and more

Hello friends.

To say “it’s been a while” would be at minimum, disingenuous. I feel like I should begin more along the lines of “it’s been more than two years since my last confession”. As I sit here drinking my morning coffee on an average Sunday, please understand that I’ve never forgotten about you, nor have I abandoned writing.

It’s been hard, these last two years, to do much of anything outside of survival mode. However, I’ve been taking a class recently on self empowerment, and while digging deep into my core values, writing was quietly waiting for me to pick it back up. Since I recognized this, I’ve gained momentum from starting a collaborative project with my mom. She was visiting us from the other side of the country and we had a finite amount of time to start and made excellent headway. But it felt good to sort of stretch my legs, writing with her, while remembering how much I love this form of communication. I’ve picked up journaling once again, and now, I’m back here.

Writing has been therapeutic in many ways, but also truly difficult. There are a myriad of thoughts, feelings, and unknowns that have prevented me from coming back here, at least with regularity, for more than 5 years. I’ve existed, but struggled to live fully, due to unprocessed or buried traumas. I’ve barely scratched the surface of sorting through all that, but I’m also done feeling stuck. Life has thrown some wild pitches, and I keep swinging for the fence. I’m just not connecting with the ball and I’m not going to chase after it.

Since the closure of my business, separation and divorce from my second husband, I’ve moved across the country, moved houses several times, endured a lengthy and languishing pandemic and the after affects thereof, witnessed widespread protesting and violence against police brutality, against our own nation’s capital, against wars and genocide, against each other for our views, faiths, and political leanings. I’ve also had opportunities to learn and grow, become closer with my family, get married and buy a home with my husband, discover unknown depths of my capacity to love, support and cherish moments with my kids (bio and step), explore new communities and meet people who will be lifelong friends, drive long, introspective distances, and survive moments I genuinely believed would have been my last. A whole lot has happened in a little over 5 years.

We’ve all been collectively living through unprecedented times. We’ve all been dragging our asses through history in the making. It’s been real wild, and I think as much as our kids have struggled and lost during all of this, the adults carrying this weight have suffered greatly more than we realize. We are carrying the traumas of our own experiences and that of our kids (even if they’re not biologically yours, most of us have young ones in our lives).

All of this is to recap why I’ve been a ghost. I haven’t felt like I had something meaningful to contribute to the narrative, since there’s been so much fucking noise surrounding us. I’m simply trying to survive myself, with a swirling inside my brain hole. It’s been like a blender in there. Now, it’s a shit smoothie and I’m ready to pour it out. Strap in, kids. I am planning great things and will be back soon, and more regularly. I’m motivated and falling back in love with words, after being estranged for so very long.

Please subscribe if you’re interested in keeping up because I’ll be making some announcements in the coming weeks/months. Thank you for reading and I’ll catch you on the flip side (if you’re young, you probably don’t know that reference- look it up). Finally, this is my 201st post to the page. 🎉

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2021, in retrospect

As yet another year closes, I feel compelled to write. I have had brief passing thoughts, but otherwise no desire to do much writing this year, much like last year. Everyone is going through their own experiences and quite simply, I have too. I haven’t felt as though my shaking voice was necessary in the larger conversation. Like virtually everyone else, I’m just trying to get through this period of time with my family, with the fewest scars possible.

Obviously we are all scarred these days. Nobody that has made it through these last two years has come out unscathed, unless you’re a billionaire with infinite resources. Then, you’ve made out pretty well. However, I don’t believe they haven’t also experienced tragedies in private. We often only see the curated versions of life and not the daily grind. The reality of the human experience is that some days you’re the mortar, and others, the pestle. Regardless, it is a grind.

Today, being the winter solstice, I felt compelled to not only write about the past, but also to look toward the future. Last night was the shortest day of the year and from here until summer, the days will lengthen and the darkness shorten. I feel like that is quite metaphorical. While we still have so far to go in the light/dark balancing act that is the seasonal changes, I’m encouraged that we will soon be letting more light in, after so much darkness.

What has been so crucial for me to remember, as someone who has had lifelong depression, anxiety, and Seasonal Effective Disorder (SAD), there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. My family has been a constant reminder of this, even if they’ve also been a source of stress during these months of a whole lot of “togetherness” due to Covid. I wouldn’t want to be “stuck” with any other humans. Even at the most panicked and stressed times, I’ve turned my internal negativity toward gratitude. It has helped me appreciate the small wins, and allowed me the opportunity to get closer to my family. We’ve spent months having hard conversations so we can all grow and evolve into who we are becoming. It’s been quite apparent in all my household members, but also close friends. Despite the dumpster fires so commonplace in society, we are still growing and BECOMING. It’s a beautiful thing. I’m truly grateful for the chance to see those around me digging deep and working through the things that need to be worked through.

None of this is easy, even in the best of times. But during a pandemic of epic proportions, politically divided nations, shortages, wars, unimaginable losses, and more that we likely will never even know- there is always something to be grateful for. Even if it is just another sunrise, or making it through another trying day. Breathing, a smile, a furry friend, a song, anything. There have been many days where I’ve had to think REALLLLLLLY hard about what has gotten me through the day. But we have to find it. We have to. Some days, it’s the only thing we have to hold onto. And that’s ok. They can’t all be winners. Some days are there to teach us something: balance, humility, boundaries, patience, etc.

These things are not easy lessons and sometimes, they’re the hardest lessons of our lives. But in closing, I implore you, find the good in each day. Even if on the surface, it was the absolute worst. There is always something to appreciate and in those hard days, often a lesson. But also recognize that sometimes, the lesson isn’t ours, but we are the catalyst for change in someone else’s life. The other thing I ask of anyone reading this is to hold your loved ones close. Tomorrow is never promised. That has been a glaring lesson worldwide over the last two years. Hold your loves close. And Happy New Year

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2020, in the rear view

As all of the readers of this blog know, I typically don’t allow *quite* this long go between posts. There’s often “inconsistency”, as anyone who’s read it, knows. But this long, is long. I’m sorry for my silence through the vast majority of this year. As we all recognize, 2020 has been nothing short of a train wreck. However, I’m un/fortunate to have only had a short time of unemployment. So, I’ve remained, largely, the same busy and distracted working parent you (all 3-4 of you) know and like.

Edit: 4/13/22- For reasons I can’t understand, the rest of this blog was lost? Removed? I don’t know. But it’s gone and surely something was said about keeping our heads up in uncertain times, or it’s only temporary. However, from the future in which I’ve come to, I can’t say things are so rosy. It’s a sad truth how I felt back then in 2020, and where I am now mentally in 2022, are simply miles apart. Sorry this wasn’t a better edit or update. Just keeping things transparent.

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Wake Up

When I typed in “bed”, to search for a photo to go at the top of this entry, there were quite a few clocks similar to the one I chose above. It’s very strange that searching for a bed, I get a clock. However, it’s rather fitting, given the title.

Waking up, is quite literally the very first thing we do each day. Not “being awake”, as to many of us “awake” is a much different state than “waking up”. For a large portion of us, the thing letting us know that IT IS TIME, is often a loud thing in our ears. Whether it’s an alarm clock, a child, pet, or partner, something jolted us from asleep, to awake.

I, personally, take issue with this jolting part. I’m sure many others do too. However, unlike many people, at least in my life, I do not like snoozing. I typically, if left to my own devices, just get up when I wake up. Recently, my partner has been quite persuasive in encouraging me to remain in our warm, comfy bed a few minutes longer than I would otherwise. I silently think he’s using it to feel better about himself snoozing a bit extra, but don’t tell him I said that. ;)

In reality though, I tend to oversleep and wind up rushing, rather than allowing myself a few extra moments of relaxation before stepping out the front door. When you have a small child, spare minutes are really helpful. Especially since my kiddo is a sleeper. She will sleep 10 hours or more if I let her. Unfortunately, like her father, she’s also a night owl. I’m an early bird, so her bedtime is early, because she has school and I have work. Also, she takes forever to wake up more days than not. It’s annoying trying to coax a preschooler out of bed at 6am, without a major fight.

I know there are some kids like me, and you are all my people. I’ve never been a sleeper, not even during my partiest of party years. I was always on time for work, even after virtually or actually zero sleep the night(s) before. I wasn’t even a sleepy child. But I think the reasons for that are more anxiety related, and maybe they still are.

Which leads me to discuss the real topic of today’s blog. The sleeping habits of my family was merely a segue.

There’s a new culture about that’s gained popularity and a name. Woke. I’m by no means an expert on popular culture in any fashion, but I pay attention to things. Woke culture seems to be heavily intersecting with Call-out culture which has shone a light on a number of really great things, but I also think that they can be really damaging in certain contexts.

Trust me when I say that I’m an absolute advocate for human, animal, and environmental rights. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life as an activist, but part of me wonders, what happened exactly to letting others do their own thing, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else? I had a teacher in high school say that my rights as a person end at the tip of my nose, or that my rights do not extend to a place where yours are being infringed upon. So, who are people that are telling me that I’m wrong for doing X,Y, or Z, if it’s not affecting them in any way? I’m just over here, doing my thing.

If I’m over here being an asshole, I fully deserve to be called out, but if I have purple hair (which I do at 38 yrs old), who cares? If my partner and I have tattoos and have the nerve to swim in a public pool, who gives a shit? Why do people suddenly feel entitled to give me or him or anyone else flack for that?

The short answer: you don’t. Knock it off. End of discussion. Pretty simple. Stop it. The end.

But meanwhile there’s politicians trying to legislate women’s bodies, the rights of trans people, and profiteering from war and gun violence. There’s something seriously wrong with this. If you want to call anyone out, let’s call out our legislators. Call your congressmen and women. Get woke to real shit and let’s be working toward equality and rights for us all. Instead, there’s a bunch of infighting, bickering, and worse. Knock it off. Your rights end at the end of your nose. You don’t get to be in charge of anyone else’s body, mind, rights, etc. Stop it. End of discussion.

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