Tag: goals

40 days of gratitude

The theme of this blog has been evolving ever since I began typing that first blog several years ago. I was searching for meaningful ways to bring more happiness into my daily life. I was in the midst of college and in a dark place in my personal relationships. I was not living authentically or really living at all. I was just grinding it out, day in and day out; existing simply to finish my then goal of graduating college. I was on the back end of personal tragedy and heartbreak, in the middle of a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, and getting ready to step off a cliff into the unknown. There were so many forces at work and I had to focus on the positive. I’m nowhere near where I was, but I’m not yet to where I want to be. I am evolving, and so is this blog.

So I recently asked myself the following:

What is it with 40 days/ 6 weeks? Lent is 40 days; maternity leave is about 6 weeks after the baby is born for those that get it. Why are these numbers or timeframes so engrained in our past and present lives? I don’t have these answers, but I’ve been inspired.

I was reading a book that I was meaning to read for a long time. It was on my Amazon wishlist for a few years, and I finally received it for my birthday, I think. I didn’t read it right away for some reason, but I’m glad that I did. Reading books has gotten harder since having a little one at home. She takes up 99% of my spare waking time that I’m not at work. The other 1% is cleaning. Anyway, the premise of the book Life is a Verb, is that 37 days (which is very close to 40) can transform your life. There are a series of stories and activities to do at the end of each one for 37 days. Each of these activities are designed by the author (whom I seem to feel is a kindred spirit from her stories and experiences) to help you live the life you want. Living the life I want, spending more time with my family, working smarter-not-harder, and being in the employ of myself are my main goals, but living a more grateful and joyful life have been my “small” goals for many years.

Those of you who’ve been following this blog for any length of time know that I’ve been studying and seeking greater happiness for a long time. I’ve had moments of elation that I cannot compare to anything else in this life, but I’ve also experienced some of the most devastating despair and loss that I’ve ever had in my 35 years on this earth. Of course, I’ve felt everything in between and surely will over and over again as I grow older. I hope that the feelings of happiness will be greater than those of unhappiness, of course, as we all do. So by focusing on what I want, instead of what I don’t want, I plan to cultivate just that.

So in the spirit of change, transformation, and happiness, I’m going to focus on gratitude. There have been countless studies and interviews indicating that the more a person is grateful, the happier they are throughout the course of their lives, and also exhibit more satisfaction with their lives in general. I’d like to practice more gratitude, because while I’m extremely grateful for all of the things in my life, I feel like if I can bring intention and magnify the things in which I am grateful, more of these things will grace my daily life.

I have decided that I want to challenge myself to not only be grateful, especially amidst stress and fatigue, but I also want to challenge my personal dedication to writing. I love writing but find that I make excuses not to do it, mostly evolving from not having enough time. Because of this, I want to focus on just a few minutes of writing each day to express my gratitude. Gradually, or at least periodically, I’m sure my entries will be long, but I’m guessing that most of them will be short. Probably very short. But the goal is to do it. Starting tomorrow, I’ve set an alarm to ensure that I simply don’t forget to write. It is my intention to bring attention to this particular goal for just a few minutes every day.

So stay tuned! And wish me luck. I’ll likely need it.

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The rocky road

First let me say, wow, it’s been a long time. I knew it had been a while, but until I just logged in, I had no idea just how long it’s been since I’ve posted here. As we all know, life happens. I’ve been meaning to post, but I just never have carved out the time to do so on this page. I’ve been focusing on other things, like my other page: PostPunkPartum which is dedicated to my adventures in parenthood. I’ve also started working on a new business venture with my bestie. Anyone that has ever worked for themselves can attest, it’s not easy and is extremely time consuming.

Anyway, these things have been happening, in addition to being a wife and mother, which are full time jobs- after my full time job. This is actually kind of  the topic of today’s blog. The path to happiness is a rocky road, filled with potholes, detours, construction, the widening or narrowing of lanes, and flat out dead ends. These are all things that I’ve been experiencing over the last several months with my little family, and my whole earth family (more on that in a another blog post).

On this road it’s hard to navigate sometimes because we don’t know what’s up ahead. We know certainly that the road around the bend is uncertain and there’s little we can do to prepare for that stretch of road, until we are coming upon it. We often times will have to drive cautiously and we may have to swerve because there’s a fallen tree that was previously out of our sight. But that’s what we do to survive, right? We react to the road ahead and do the best we can to avoid obstacles and pitfalls. Life is basically this metaphor for the entirety of the journey, in my opinion.

So, my question to this metaphor and the potential dangers in front of me is how do we maintain happiness through all of this uncertainty? Many people fear nothing but the unknown. For example, a friend of mine HATES what her job has become and spends a lot of time searching classified ads seeking new employment. However, at the very same time, she doesn’t take the steps necessary to put herself in a marketable position or to leap at all. She’s comfortable in her rut and has no desire to change herself, but she will be forced to if her company begins downsizing, as is the rumor. She could be using this time to learn a new skill or program, to better set herself up for the future; she could do a lot of things. But what is really holding her back is the fact that she doesn’t like change and she’s completely fearful of the unknown. She’s been doing her job for the better part of a decade and after that long, I’d likely be afraid too.

So how do we let go of this fear? What ways can we let go of the rut and actually take steps to change, instead of letting the universe take action for us? I’ve said it for many years that if we do not make the changes the universe (or god, the great spirit, etc) wants from us, the universe will force our hand and make the changes whether or not we like them. And from experience, we often do not like them. I’ve personally been on the receiving end of some shitty situations because I couldn’t make choices or changes fast enough and the universe forced me to adapt. Real quick. I think these changes are my least favorite. Since I’ve been on the wrong end of some universal/ karmic changes, I know better for the most part. I try to be as aware as possible of those “stirrings”, and I’ve definitely honed my “spidey sense” when it comes to change.

For instance, I’m pretty keyed in on my downsizing timeline. I know that my days are limited at my current job, which is why I’ve been actively searching for things that suit my needs and wants better. I knew taking this position that I was not long for it. It’s not what I want to do and the money/ working environment are not what I need, not to mention, I’m becoming obsolete. My supervisors are not telling us this, of course, because they still need us for the time being. It’s not a good feeling to know that you’re working yourself out of a job, even though I should be used to it. This has happened to me more than once. The fear part comes in because many of the options I have available to me, until my business gets off the ground, are simply either entirely too much for me to want to do, or not enough for us to survive. It’s pretty much a catch 22. I’m under-qualified to move up or over-qualified for what I’m good at/can be hired to do. However, I also know that by being open to the universe and the changes that are possible, the fear will be lessened overall. If I am open to changes and the rocky road ahead, I will remain alert and less afraid of the challenges in front of me.

I’ve taken thousands of wrong turns and been surprised by the outcomes, both positively and negatively. But the road of happiness is not meant to be a pristine, smooth ride. It’s designed to teach you things about yourself, force you to react to hairpin turns and switchbacks, and test your guts on the pothole proving grounds. Otherwise, how do you know you’re alive?

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The Year in Review!

As compared with last year, I didn’t exactly write down my “goals” for the year. I have actually done that for several years and when I do my year in review, I feel pretty bummed out that so few of the items on my list were accomplished. For instance, I’ve been trying to learn to snowboard for at least 6 years. Not even once has that happened. However, instead of doing that particular thing, I liberated an old console stereo from the 70s (it’s in pretty good shape) from our local Goodwill and will refinish it as time allows. Image

I’ve also done some things that I didn’t think I would do, like get married. We went on a lovely honeymoon to the Caribbean and it’s a trip I will never forget. But I realize that without some idea of goals, it’s tough to get much done, in that area of life. More times than not, it is just an endless string of days that are similar, if not the same, as the one previous and following. I feel like this time last year was barely a blink ago, while at the same time, the days seem like they’re endless. It’s a strange feeling. But I am fortunate to be living this life. As part of a meditation goes in Buddhism: “Hard is it to be born into human life. Now I am living it.” This means quite simply that being born into a human form is not easy, but each of us are fortunate enough to find ourselves here and we must make the best of it while we have this time.

My goal for 2014 is to make the best of it. I have a power year ahead of me with work and school, since I’m determined to complete my degree by this time next year, instead of taking the minimum and having to wait 2 years. Forget that! I want to be done with school and getting on to my future. That happens in 2014. So I will be overloaded as usual with work and homework, but it will be worth it. I’m also going to focus more on my garden to foster our self sufficiency. Plus, as any home owner knows, repairs and upkeep are an endless task. There will be some of that happening.

Anyway, I hope that you all find your bliss, review this past year and set goals that cultivate creativity, joy and peace in your lives. I’ll catch you all on the flip side!

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Intentions

Live the way I want to live, walk the walk, harmoniously
Temper, temper: whenever I get angry, meditate instead
Let it go, it’s not personal, and even if it is, it’s temporary: karma isn’t always yours
Live in the now, but think of the future: find sources of joy and memories

So here we are, July is almost coming to a close, and man, it’s been a toasty one throughout most of the country. We’ve had some very strange weather here… so much rain. That’s the cycle of things though, some years it’s dry, drought ridden and combustible. Other years, it’s unseasonably abundant with growth, change and during these storms, there’s often considerable destruction, but when the clouds clear, the flowers bloom.

c/o Daddy Skittles Photography

Life is that way, I think. Last year was tremendously hard for me. There were very few things that I had to be happy about, but this year, while also tremendously hard, there are finally flowers along the way. I am doing exactly what I set out to do for the first time in ages. I am growing as a person, learning new things, sharing experiences with really amazing people… what more can I ask for?

I have not only set out goals for myself that I’m keeping, but my intentions are right and there are visible and invisible payoffs. I feel amazing. I’ve had only a few, relatively speaking, encounters with my temper. This isn’t to say that I’ve not been furious over the past few weeks, because I’ve been quite mad in certain situations. However, I allow myself to be mad for a minute and collect myself so I can move on to more constructive things. Not only is this allowing me to overcome being really upset, but it’s also allowing me to let go of things more readily. I have other things to worry about and more still to enjoy. Being pissed isn’t conducive to my goals.

The last goal on the list, for some reason is often difficult for my planning, type A, over-thinking self to accomplish. I’m used to delaying fun in the hopes that there will be a larger payoff in the end. But that thinking is just silly to me now. I don’t want to wait until “the end” of whatever, to enjoy my life. I want to experience every single minute of it in ways that bring me and other people joy. Just this weekend I spent time with my closest friends, swam with my rapidly growing nephew and family for hours, and read several books about happiness and philosophy, amongst other things. Hell, I even took a nap for the first time in easily a year.

c/o Daddy Skittles Photography

None of my goals or ways of achieving them are terribly “hard”, nor are they riddled with extravagance. They are simple and small goals because that is how I see attaining true and lasting happiness, through a series of small goals, victories and experiences. Hopefully they will all lead to a larger end, but in the meantime, I am having a blast, and a cup of very strong coffee… joyful living, doing what I want and enjoying myself has taken away some of my sleep, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m never going back to where I was before. Not in this lifetime.

Happy Monday!

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Murphy and the Law

Everyone knows about Murphy’s Law, right? Such is my life, but in regard to the happiness project, “wrong” isn’t the right word. It’s more like, ridiculous or better yet… late. I say this because I’ve given myself two months to “perfect” the allotted goals, right? Well, the Universe has decided that I need to keep going back to other goals. This normally wouldn’t be an issue, but how am I supposed to watch what I say when so many things are happening all at once?

Which brings me to my point: Last month I aimed to meet new people that had similar interests or values to myself. Didn’t meet a single new person. The last couple weeks, met at least two that are really cool and I’d like to hang out with. They have qualities that are really great. One is intellectually intriguing and the other shares my quirky sense of humor (and sometimes ups the ante). Of course, surely they each have other qualities, but I’m getting to know them and I’m enjoying it.

Also, we are lessening the suffering all over the front yard in the last week or so at the house. There are a pack of stray cats and they’ve taken a liking to our porch and the cat food we’re compelled to give them. They’re safe and fed/watered. We cannot afford to take them all to the vet or anything, so food, water and safety is what we can do. There’s a lesson in there. I have to accept what the limitations are and be ok with that.

Anyway, that brings me to the introspective part of my post. You can opt out now if you wish. :)  Consider yourself warned. I was talking with someone at work today and they were questioning how important common interests are in relationships. I’m going to expand that idea into friend relationships too… but having things in common, at least to me is relatively important. Sharing and enjoying common experiences, that’s something I personally need in my life. Outside of a few specific instances, I’m not finding much in common with those around me. Maybe it’s me? Maybe I’ve got fairly unique tastes in hobbies? I dunno. But either way, Murphy needs to knock it off. I can’t handle the stress. :)

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