Happiness by the kilowatt

Live the way I want to live, walk the walk, harmoniously
Temper, temper: whenever I get angry, meditate instead
Let it go, it’s not personal, and even if it is, it’s temporary: karma isn’t always yours
Live in the now, but think of the future: find sources of joy and memories

This has been a really strange week. There was a holiday right in the middle of it and it’s hard to know what day it is, though, I know it’s Saturday. I spent half the work week thinking that it was Monday. Anyway, happiness has seemed pretty elusive for those around me. It appears to be a time of great change for several people (including myself). Some of these people are going through physical changes, others it’s geographical, still others it’s purely financial. Nevertheless, each of my friends are experiencing levels of hardship, sacrifice, or upheaval. Many of them are facing significant challenges to their lifestyle or quality of life because of the changes that are happening.

The question I’ve been thinking about in the past few days is, how can someone remain “happy” during extremely difficult situations? I know that I’m experiencing moments of pure joy during incredible struggle. From moment to moment, I can’t say for sure that I’m happy, but I am feeling the most positive about my life, my future and myself as I have in several years. This is a totally foreign feeling, simply because I’m often too focused on other things to enjoy this feeling of happiness in the moment.

At the very same time, as I’ve been told, I appear to be maintaining my composure and nobody would ever know that I was stressed, struggling or experiencing real difficulties. That, to me, is a small success. I am often quite reserved and don’t allow the whole world to see my inner workings. Once you’re within my sphere of close companions, my “tells” are much easier to read, since my guard isn’t nearly as strong. I know that a few of my friends have a similar ability, but I’m pretty good at reading them. Shout out to Peaches. ;)

Shake it Out- Florence and the Machine

I am pleased to say that while I’ve got personal struggles happening, I’ve also got personal successes happening too. I think that’s why maintaining is relatively “easy”, there seems to be a greater sense of balance between good and bad. As for the goals of Right Intention, I’ve really made it a point to cultivate the right mindset and a clear path to internal happiness.

In a conversation yesterday, a friend and I were talking about our parents not listening to our opinions, even when backed by true facts. We decided it was based on our “status” in relation to our parents. They don’t want to learn something from their kids. I know I’ve been going on about nutrition and health with my mother for years and then out of the blue she shares some information that she heard from elsewhere, that I’ve said a million times, like it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. But this conversation ended with the notion that sharing information must be effective to be worthwhile. If the audience isn’t ready, they will not absorb it. This applies to me and the happiness project in that rather than beating everyone over the head with information, I just live it. Walking the walk, and allowing that to be my method of persuasion seem to be most effective in most cases. I am open to sharing information, but wasting my time preaching helps no one.

Pictures of Success- Rilo Kiley

The other aspect of my goals that I’ve been working on primarily is finding sources of joy in my life and trying to get as much out of those experiences as I can. This has been a little bit of a struggle because I’m used to MAKING things happen, rather than enjoying them as they are. I’ve truly had to change my way of thinking, almost over night, because I was going nowhere good thinking I could control every detail of everything. So, while certain situations might not be “perfect” they’re pretty damn good as they are and I should embrace them as the wonderful experiences they are instead of being upset that they aren’t “my” way.

Collect Call- Metric

And finally, to bring this blog full circle with it’s title, music. Music has been a huge source of support, strength, courage and joy for me and several of my friends lately. We’ve been listening to a lot of music and sharing it with one another. It’s been really great getting back to music. My whole life has had an internal soundtrack and reigniting my passion for music has made every minute of my days more bright. I cannot express how amazing that feeling is, the feeling that someone has taken your struggles, heartbreaks, joys, gratitude and put them to music and shared them with you. It makes people feel less alone to know that others share their experiences and put them out in the world. I know I feel that way.

Thanks for reading this very long blog. I appreciate those of you that read it and those that also read and comment. :)

July 7, 2012 2

Right Speech Wrap-up

As the regular readers of this blog know (all 3 of you), June is coming to a close, which means it’s almost time for a new set of goals… but before that can happen, some reflection.

In general, right speech is difficult, but not in the ways that I originally thought it would be. Gossip, strangely, is fairly easy to avoid. I can’t say that I’ve completely abstained… but I have also spent a lot of time avoiding it. My most difficult task has surely been the swearing part. Yes, I’ve got a case of the cussing, and it usually rears it’s ugly head when I’m frustrated or upset. Thankfully in texts, I’ve developed fun little acronyms to avoid actually swearing. However, the meanings are the same. I’ve heard that swearing occurs when you can’t think of something more intelligent to say and as flippant a statement that is, I’ve noticed that it’s partly true for me. When I’m incredibly upset or frustrated, my brain freezes and the only think that can come out is profanity. It’s very difficult to slow that process down, but I’m working on it.

I am truly blessed to be put into situations on a regular basis where I can be positive and encouraging, and in those situations, I’m very good at positivity and encouragement. Outside of those situations, especially in my private life, I find it much harder. Perhaps because my expectations are too high for those in my personal life, but nevertheless, that’s a work in progress as well.

Which brings me to the thing that I think I need to most work on, simply because it has caused the most damage. This month primarily, due to the exceptional amount of stress, hurt and frustration I’ve experienced, I have stooped to being passive-aggressive. The worst part is that I have hurt others, but a very close second is that I broke one of my top rules: Facebook is not my dumping ground. I have made several snide or passive-aggressive statements online that have either rendered someone’s feelings being hurt (including my own) or have made me regret it in other ways. This behavior does not happen very often, but they seem to be some of the worst choices I’ve made in recent history.

As with any set of goals, you win some and you grow from the rest. I’m definitely trying to win them all, but alas, I’m but a mere human. We are prone to failures, inadequacies and tribulations of varying sorts. When I fall on my face, I have the choice, as everyone does, to either lie there in the street or to pick myself up, dust off and pray nobody caught that on film.

The next blog post will likely be at the start of July with the usual outline. See you on the flip side!

(http://rwufeinsteincenter.webs.com/aguidetoreflection.htm)

(http://creativefan.com/20-provoking-reflection-photographs/)

June 26, 2012 0

You are not a unique and beautiful snowflake

As hopefully many of you, delightful readers will know, this is a line from the movie/book “Fight Club“.

This film and several of the contents/topics of it has come up a few times in the past week or so and I find it interesting that in completely separate instances it’s been mentioned. In one conversation, we were talking about a book that Ive begun reading about a man that was sick of over-consumption. The sheer amounts of stuff this man and his family collected was inhibiting his actual life. I’ve not gotten to this part yet, but apparently he offloaded most of his worldly possessions to regain some perspective. Of course the Fight Club reference is the scene where Ed Norton’s monologue is about his insomnia and goes on about infomercials and catalog browsing to buy the perfect life.

I find this particularly interesting because while I think things are fancy, nice and generally useful, there are very few things that I NEED in this world. In the spirit of honesty, I would like to confess however, that I am lusting after a set of black out curtains for this massive window in my bedroom because, let’s face it, I don’t want to wake up at dawn because my room is like a freaking spotlight. This “need”, is purely utilitarian, but the ones that I want will “have” to be stylish and match the other curtain in the room. Anyway, the notion of “need” in this society is entirely warped. I’m sorry, but absolutely nobody needs a $90 set of basic silverware from a high end retailer in a fancy, expensive mall. You eat with it. Pretty basic. 12 pieces of flatware are nowhere near that important. But the point to this is that somehow WHERE you get something is equally important to WHAT you get and WHO you’re showing off for.

That’s what all this is about, isn’t it? Being able to say how much you spent at what disgustingly overpriced store? The only reason I stepped foot into that place was because I was given a gift card as a housewarming gift from my realtor. The amount, while exceptionally generous in my opinion, could literally only buy a few little trinkets. Anything useful, it wouldn’t even dent it. I mean, for a piece of actual furniture, is at minimum in the $1000 range.

My personal mantra about “stuff” is simple. If I don’t need it for some reason, whether it’s a serious need or a perceived one, I don’t buy it. While shopping I try to make lists so that I don’t get distracted and frequently, I’ll walk around the store for a while holding the possible purchase, only to decide that I don’t need it and put it back. I’m not a fan of stuff that doesn’t serve a real purpose, which is likely the reason the house is quite minimal. You’d never guess that it’s “minimal” if you saw my desk, but almost all that stuff is papers of some kind. (Mostly school stuff)

The other conversation I had was about the title of this blog, being a unique and beautiful snowflake. This, in my opinion, is a direct correlation to why the younger generation might be one of the most technically savvy in human history, they are also the most socially awkward and ill prepared for reality, that has ever existed. Because we have spent so many years showing kids that they are comfortable and focusing so much on their feelings and emotional development… we have lost the sense of responsibility to create mature, functioning adults.

What I mean by this is that kids feel “entitled” in this day and age. If they don’t get what they want on a silver platter without so much as being forced to get off the couch/ computer/ tv to get it, they throw a fit or have a complete emotional meltdown. I’m sorry but this doesn’t exactly scream “I’m ready for reality” in our youth. I come from a generation where we played outside, climbed trees, built forts, stepped on rusty nails, played baseball without the right equipment and survived. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve come close to death just being a kid… but I’ve noticed that this phrase isn’t even applicable anymore. “Being a kid” these days is really living indoors on some sort of technology, not using your imagination or being creative outside the parameters of your plastic toys.

This, coupled with the entitlement issues, makes for an inadequate population. Kids grow up without social skills needed to do things, like get a good job, make sacrifices necessary to get “ahead” in career/ life roles. Nobody, in general, understands that life is riddled with extreme sacrifices, requires massive amounts of dedication and hard work, and is rife with disappointment. You can let these obstacles break you or you can let them shape you into a better person. It’s your choice. And yes, it is absolutely a choice. Life is suffering, you can choose to roll over and die or you can embrace it and grow.

All of my sopaboxing above does have a point. It even pertains to happiness and Right Speech. If you cannot roll with the punches, and believe me, the hits just keep coming for most of us… you will be miserable. Happiness is not an outward state of consumption or coddling. It’s a state of being within your self. Your ability to be at peace with the world is directly linked to that internal happiness (you know, the happiness that “stuff” can’t buy) and your feelings of self worth. Having a healthy understanding of true happiness and reality will lead you to real satisfaction. And these things are all wound up in Right Speech because I find it incredibly difficult to hold my tongue, be encouraging and positive when I see people who cannot be useful humans. They need tough love, if for no other reason, because the world IS A TOUGH PLACE. It’s not getting easier. Stand up and be strong or wither away… the choice to be happy and productive is yours and yours alone.

(http://www.futurity.org/society-culture/a-little-adversity-goes-a-long-way/)

(http://www.arealchange.com/blog/adversity-affects-life-business)

(http://moviesandsongs365.blogspot.com/2011/06/movie-of-week-fight-club-1999.html)

June 24, 2012 2

Right Speech-Update

I’ve got about 3 weeks to feel like I’m making progress in my goals this time around.

I have to admit that I’ve been crabby and swearing has been difficult to abstain from, however I’m doing really well at not participating in gossip. I could probably be more complementary, but I’ve definitely been more aware of sharing my positive feelings with those that need them. I’ve also refrained from nagging and chosen my words more carefully, as needed.

One thing that I can’t say that I’m perfecting is my ability to not make myself look stupid. I’m sure that it’s mostly my neurotic self over analyzing every single word I say, since, let’s face it… I care more than I let on about what people think of me. I say something that I think is stupid or sounds much better in my head than how it sounds coming out of my mouth. It’s an unfortunate affliction. Sometimes in conversation, I almost want to bail out as soon as possible because I will ramble or say something dumb and embarrass myself. I’m trying to stop worrying so much about looking dumb, but I’m a perfectionist and that’s a work in progress.

Here’s to making another attempt tomorrow! Cheers!

(http://www.smileyme.com/lprod.asp?lookup=1196)