40 days of gratitude

The theme of this blog has been evolving ever since I began typing that first blog several years ago. I was searching for meaningful ways to bring more happiness into my daily life. I was in the midst of college and in a dark place in my personal relationships. I was not living authentically or really living at all. I was just grinding it out, day in and day out; existing simply to finish my then goal of graduating college. I was on the back end of personal tragedy and heartbreak, in the middle of a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, and getting ready to step off a cliff into the unknown. There were so many forces at work and I had to focus on the positive. I’m nowhere near where I was, but I’m not yet to where I want to be. I am evolving, and so is this blog.

So I recently asked myself the following:

What is it with 40 days/ 6 weeks? Lent is 40 days; maternity leave is about 6 weeks after the baby is born for those that get it. Why are these numbers or timeframes so engrained in our past and present lives? I don’t have these answers, but I’ve been inspired.

I was reading a book that I was meaning to read for a long time. It was on my Amazon wishlist for a few years, and I finally received it for my birthday, I think. I didn’t read it right away for some reason, but I’m glad that I did. Reading books has gotten harder since having a little one at home. She takes up 99% of my spare waking time that I’m not at work. The other 1% is cleaning. Anyway, the premise of the book Life is a Verb, is that 37 days (which is very close to 40) can transform your life. There are a series of stories and activities to do at the end of each one for 37 days. Each of these activities are designed by the author (whom I seem to feel is a kindred spirit from her stories and experiences) to help you live the life you want. Living the life I want, spending more time with my family, working smarter-not-harder, and being in the employ of myself are my main goals, but living a more grateful and joyful life have been my “small” goals for many years.

Those of you who’ve been following this blog for any length of time know that I’ve been studying and seeking greater happiness for a long time. I’ve had moments of elation that I cannot compare to anything else in this life, but I’ve also experienced some of the most devastating despair and loss that I’ve ever had in my 35 years on this earth. Of course, I’ve felt everything in between and surely will over and over again as I grow older. I hope that the feelings of happiness will be greater than those of unhappiness, of course, as we all do. So by focusing on what I want, instead of what I don’t want, I plan to cultivate just that.

So in the spirit of change, transformation, and happiness, I’m going to focus on gratitude. There have been countless studies and interviews indicating that the more a person is grateful, the happier they are throughout the course of their lives, and also exhibit more satisfaction with their lives in general. I’d like to practice more gratitude, because while I’m extremely grateful for all of the things in my life, I feel like if I can bring intention and magnify the things in which I am grateful, more of these things will grace my daily life.

I have decided that I want to challenge myself to not only be grateful, especially amidst stress and fatigue, but I also want to challenge my personal dedication to writing. I love writing but find that I make excuses not to do it, mostly evolving from not having enough time. Because of this, I want to focus on just a few minutes of writing each day to express my gratitude. Gradually, or at least periodically, I’m sure my entries will be long, but I’m guessing that most of them will be short. Probably very short. But the goal is to do it. Starting tomorrow, I’ve set an alarm to ensure that I simply don’t forget to write. It is my intention to bring attention to this particular goal for just a few minutes every day.

So stay tuned! And wish me luck. I’ll likely need it.

July 6, 2016 0

The rocky road

First let me say, wow, it’s been a long time. I knew it had been a while, but until I just logged in, I had no idea just how long it’s been since I’ve posted here. As we all know, life happens. I’ve been meaning to post, but I just never have carved out the time to do so on this page. I’ve been focusing on other things, like my other page: PostPunkPartum which is dedicated to my adventures in parenthood. I’ve also started working on a new business venture with my bestie. Anyone that has ever worked for themselves can attest, it’s not easy and is extremely time consuming.

Anyway, these things have been happening, in addition to being a wife and mother, which are full time jobs- after my full time job. This is actually kind of the topic of today’s blog. The path to happiness is a rocky road, filled with potholes, detours, construction, the widening or narrowing of lanes, and flat out dead ends. These are all things that I’ve been experiencing over the last several months with my little family, and my whole earth family (more on that in a another blog post).

On this road it’s hard to navigate sometimes because we don’t know what’s up ahead. We know certainly that the road around the bend is uncertain and there’s little we can do to prepare for that stretch of road, until we are coming upon it. We often times will have to drive cautiously and we may have to swerve because there’s a fallen tree that was previously out of our sight. But that’s what we do to survive, right? We react to the road ahead and do the best we can to avoid obstacles and pitfalls. Life is basically this metaphor for the entirety of the journey, in my opinion.

So, my question to this metaphor and the potential dangers in front of me is how do we maintain happiness through all of this uncertainty? Many people fear nothing but the unknown. For example, a friend of mine HATES what her job has become and spends a lot of time searching classified ads seeking new employment. However, at the very same time, she doesn’t take the steps necessary to put herself in a marketable position or to leap at all. She’s comfortable in her rut and has no desire to change herself, but she will be forced to if her company begins downsizing, as is the rumor. She could be using this time to learn a new skill or program, to better set herself up for the future; she could do a lot of things. But what is really holding her back is the fact that she doesn’t like change and she’s completely fearful of the unknown. She’s been doing her job for the better part of a decade and after that long, I’d likely be afraid too.

So how do we let go of this fear? What ways can we let go of the rut and actually take steps to change, instead of letting the universe take action for us? I’ve said it for many years that if we do not make the changes the universe (or god, the great spirit, etc) wants from us, the universe will force our hand and make the changes whether or not we like them. And from experience, we often do not like them. I’ve personally been on the receiving end of some shitty situations because I couldn’t make choices or changes fast enough and the universe forced me to adapt. Real quick. I think these changes are my least favorite. Since I’ve been on the wrong end of some universal/ karmic changes, I know better for the most part. I try to be as aware as possible of those “stirrings”, and I’ve definitely honed my “spidey sense” when it comes to change.

For instance, I’m pretty keyed in on my downsizing timeline. I know that my days are limited at my current job, which is why I’ve been actively searching for things that suit my needs and wants better. I knew taking this position that I was not long for it. It’s not what I want to do and the money/ working environment are not what I need, not to mention, I’m becoming obsolete. My supervisors are not telling us this, of course, because they still need us for the time being. It’s not a good feeling to know that you’re working yourself out of a job, even though I should be used to it. This has happened to me more than once. The fear part comes in because many of the options I have available to me, until my business gets off the ground, are simply either entirely too much for me to want to do, or not enough for us to survive. It’s pretty much a catch 22. I’m under-qualified to move up or over-qualified for what I’m good at/can be hired to do. However, I also know that by being open to the universe and the changes that are possible, the fear will be lessened overall. If I am open to changes and the rocky road ahead, I will remain alert and less afraid of the challenges in front of me.

I’ve taken thousands of wrong turns and been surprised by the outcomes, both positively and negatively. But the road of happiness is not meant to be a pristine, smooth ride. It’s designed to teach you things about yourself, force you to react to hairpin turns and switchbacks, and test your guts on the pothole proving grounds. Otherwise, how do you know you’re alive?

April 4, 2016 0

In the thick of it

Happy Tuesday fair readers.

I’m going to cut right to the chase, life is stupid hard. It seems like everywhere you turn, someone, if not ourselves are in the thick of a heap of crap. I know that lately, I’ve been personally struggling with what seems like EVERYTHING going wrong. It’s as if the universe is playing a sick joke on me, trying to find my breaking point. I can say that I’ve come pretty damn close to the edge of the cliff in my life, this awful spell is inching closer and closer to that same point. I know I could go on and on about how bad things suck, and in my head, sometimes I do. But I’m not going to waste any more time with that nonsense, nor am I going to waste your time complaining about “woe is me”. This post is not about that. Quite the opposite, actually.

The point I’m getting at is that everyone has times of feast and times of famine, so to speak. It’s all in how we survive, is what makes us who we are (Thanks Rise Against for that perfect song lyric). I know that it sounds cheesy, but it’s actually true. Studies have shown that our adaptability in times of stress actually make the effects of stress less detrimental to our health and well being. That’s science right there.

Anyway, there’s tons of literature that suggests that even while in the thick of a crisis or just a universe meltdown in our lives, if we are compassionate to ourselves and others, focus on solutions rather than freaking out and generally have a positive outlook on life… we feel the effects, both short term and long term, less and have better coping skills later when crap happens. There is also mounting evidence that stress will literally kill you.

So finding solutions and ways to alleviate the stress, even for just a few moments at a time, will increase your life and the quality of it. I’m certainly no expert on the science of stress, in the credentialed sense, but I have attended the school of hard knocks and lived so far to tell about it. I also know how stress effects our eating habits (I went to college) and I’m also an expert on my own “in the thick of it” stupid life and how I react to crap happening, constantly.

I’ll tell you what I’ve learned:

First, it’s ok to cry about how bad stuff sucks. Without that moment of hopelessness and acceptance of the situation’s effect on you, it’s often hard to get out of the whirlwind of feelings, thoughts and panic. That moment of purging is actually good for you.

Second, once the tears have dried, I always feel exhausted but also I have a clear head and can begin to work on a plan for getting things straight again. That’s the order from chaos that I keep hearing about, at least for me. I’m able to focus once I’ve got a handle on the spinning in my head.

Third, don’t be afraid to throw caution to the wind. In times of stress, uncertainty, pain and sorrow all we want to do is insulate. We want to preserve ourselves from the harsh storm. It’s in our DNA to protect the self. However, that silly ego has to go away and we need to branch out. This could be trying something that you’ve never done before, applying for a job that you’re not entirely qualified for, ASKING FOR HELP from those close to you…. there are a multitude of ways and each of them will be unique to each of us, but doing something different will lead to different circumstances. Doing the same things again and again just allows you to stagnate.

Finally, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Yes, I’m saying pull yourself up by your boot straps. I know for a fact that it’s easier to give up and even relying on other people to help dig you out of the hole, but when you go to bed at night, wherever that might be…. you’ve got yourself and your thoughts. You might be fortunate enough to have a partner in your resting place, but they don’t know what your internal monologue is saying to you and if yours is anything like mine, it’s nothing nice. But if you can, against all odds, pull yourself out of the funk, even with your jerky self sabotaging you from the inside… there’s nothing you won’t be able to accomplish.

I will be the first person to tell you that I don’t take my own advice often, but I’ll also mention that I have said nothing in this post that I’ve not heard from my close friends and family. I hate that they’re right and that I’m in the thick of it, but it happens and you have one of two choices: embrace it and move on, or not. Not moving on though, will wreak havoc on your body, mind and ultimately kill you. At least figuring out a plan out of the trench will give you the possibility of hope and success.

Special thanks to Chris McCombs (http://chrismccombs.net/) for writing blogs about this and many other topics. He’s got a much more direct way of saying some of the same things (you’ve been warned), but a great read.

Thanks for reading!

June 25, 2013 2

Happiness Project Year in Review!

Hey there readers of my fledgling little blog, what few of you are left since I fell off the Earth.

I first want to thank you all for sticking with me and the crazy project I’ve had going on here. You stuck with my hairbrained plan, followed me through the ups and downs and I’m glad we made it. Without many of you, I’m not sure that I would have.

As many of you have read through these last 12 months, I have set out very specific goals for myself and a track to get to where I want in life. Not surprisingly, it hasn’t exactly gone the way I’d hoped and it certainly hasn’t gone smoothly. I’ve undergone countless changes within my personal, professional and scholarly lives, only to make it through no worse for ware, on the other side.

Some of the things I’ve learned I never would have imagined, such as my inner strength and my level of patience. However, I also reinforced many traits that I knew I had, such as self determination and hardworking nature. Without those things, I easily would have crumbled. Instead, I was able to stand my ground, complete my goals and while often frayed around the edges, I succeeded. The best part is that I have my loved ones in my camp to support me through it all. I could not have done it without them.

My plan going forward is to continue to write my goals down, perhaps not as structured and specifically this time around, but to also to track my progress. I truly believe that this is what motivates me and keeps me on track. That, and my overwhelming sense of obligation.

Anyway, in closing, thank you for reading and keeping me going this year. See you on the flip side with more craziness and hilarity.

http://beginningdharma.wordpress.com/2011/01/29/eightfold-path-right-action/

December 29, 2012 1

Soul searching and meditative painting

The season is finally starting to wind down in Arizona and the nights are getting brisker. The heat of the days are getting below the 100s. I’ve been meaning to start the massive interior-painting-my-house project for months and I finally feel like the weather is cooperating. I’m able to open the doors and windows to vent the place out, though the paint I spent a small fortune on is ultra low odor, low/no VOC and thankfully doesn’t bother my allergies so much. Thanks to Home Depot for finally having options other than toxic. (Shameless plug for paint that won’t kill you as quickly) So, when I get home in the evenings, I’m able to do a little painting. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I figure if I do an hour or two every couple days, I won’t kill myself and it’ll get done without rushing. That’s a major concern. I want it to look good… If I rush through it, it’ll get done, but it’ll look like crap and it will not last very long. I don’t want to have to paint every surface of my house very often. It will be done slowly and correctly. :)

With all this OCD perfectionism, I’ve had a bit of time to think and search my brain and heart. I’ve also had a bit of time to read the last few days, though, my procrastination of homework has caused a little stress and panic. Fingers crossed for a good grade on this last lab report. It was not easy to focus on, let alone get completed. Note to self: STOP procrastinating when I have stuff due.

Anyway, there are a few things that I want to touch on in this post, first: painting is rather meditative. You are able to think and be introspective yet, incredibly focused and not realizing either. It’s all the more important to maintain focus when you have an antique hardwood floor to protect, but the attention to detail and immense concentration required… wow. Second: through this action of extreme mindfulness, it’s come to the surface that having control over my environment is incredibly important to me… I can imagine that it’s the same for others, but I’m only going to speak for myself here. Third: Money, while it doesn’t necessarily “buy happiness”, it sure buys the option.

Ok, so the meditative thing… as some of you might recall, I am not good at the meditation. It was one of my goals to find sources of meditation that were not sitting on a cushion listening to ambient music. I just cannot sit still long enough for all that. Instead I tried gardening (which hasn’t produced much but huge plants. Food? Not a scrap.). I’ve got a hobby or two that can be meditative, but it’s not been lately for other reasons that I won’t get into here. When I embarked on the painting idea, I thought only of the end result… sort of. I knew that it would take me a long time, because I’m essentially doing it myself and I also knew it wasn’t going to be easy, mostly due to the amount of time it would require. No, painting is not easy… it’s labor intensive and physically demanding. It’s not for the faint of heart. But I’ve done a whole house before, walls and ceiling. Those times though, I had consistent help and it wasn’t exactly THAT important that the job be great. A lease of only a year is sort of good like that. If it looks terrible, you don’t have to live with it long. However, home ownership has a different feel. I’m stuck with it if it sucks. Incentive to make it beautiful accepted. Just selecting the colors was a really long process. I couldn’t find a medium and dark grey that were both in the same color family that I liked. It took a long time, but I finally did it. Hell, these two colors are on the same paint card, let alone in the same color family. Anyway, so I’ve been listening to music and just taking a little bit of time as often as I can to get just bits and pieces done at a time. I’ve had a little help from someone who can reach my ceiling without a chair. For that help, I’m incredibly grateful. Plus I enjoy the company. Bonus. During this series of relatively short meditations, I’ve made a lot of internal progress. I’ve come to realize a few things not only about myself, but about what I want in my future. This has been incredibly valuable, since I’ve had the opportunity to also evaluate how I interact and gel with other people.

This leads me to my second thing, control. I have felt really out of control for many years and I guess I’ve learned to adapt to that feeling of chaos, so much in that I almost feel more comfortable in chaotic situations than otherwise. It’s partly due to the fact that I just cannot sit still, but this doesn’t help the fact that I’m to a stage in my life where I not only want, but feel like I need control over SOMETHING other than my personal body. Slowly but surely, I have been doing what I can to extract control out of my life, which in essence is uncontrollable. However, the painting project has helped me feel like I have control over my space, where I most certainly don’t, yet I feel like I have a bit of a say in what happens here. It’s quite a nice feeling. I cannot wait to see how beautiful my home is when it’s done… since I got to be the only voice in paint colors for the first time ever.

And this of course, leads me to my final point. I’ve always thought to myself that money wasn’t the key to happiness. In my experience, having money meant that I had no time. I prefer having time than money. However, I’m slightly reevaluating that thought too. At this point, I’m pretty much broke, but I’ve got enough money to get the general bills paid with a tiny amount left over. For a very long time, I didn’t have two nickles to rub together and on the flip side, I had more than enough money but no time to spend it. I prefer where I am. I get to do one or two small things to get out and have adventures, but I don’t have anything extravagant. That makes me happy in and of itself. Having a few simple things, like going to one concert a month (not big arena shows or anything, but small venues, indie bands or shows that are meaningful), going out to a nice dinner once in a while… these are simple things that produce a great deal of joy in my humble life. That’s what I mean by money giving you the option of happiness… and it’s not “happiness” in general that money buys. It’s more the experience that often requires a little cash. I’m blessed to also have a few good friends that like doing stuff that I can tag along to. This gets me out a little more than I plan for and helps me achieve the “adventures with those close to me” part of my goals right now.

I think, as my happiness project is creeping to it’s official end, I’ve realized more than anything that I am so fortunate. Not because I have a fancy house, a high paying job, a brand new car, tons of stuff…. because I truly have none of those things. I live in a modest house that I’m blessed to be paying for for the next 30 years, I have a high mileage used car that happens to be exactly the perfect car for me, which I’m also fortunate to be paying on for a while, a modest salary at a small business and virtually no personal possessions… I could not be more fortunate. I have a beautiful life that occasionally sucks ass, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

October 14, 2012 0

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