Tag: Heart

How do you do anything?

close up photo of water drops
Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com on Pexels.com

I watched some TED talks this weekend, and there were some memorable quotes. One of which really resonated with me. “How you do anything is how you do everything”. Wow. That’s really deep, if you ask me. The depth of this statement goes on further to say, that if you plan to get up at a certain time, you don’t hit snooze. If you do, that’s a true reflection of how you live your life. It’s fundamental quality is that you cannot follow through, therefore you will be stuck in the same mindframe, until you decide otherwise.

Another TED talk mentioned that it takes the exact same amount of energy to get out of bed, as it does to do anything else in your life. You have to consciously decide that you will not hit snooze, will yourself to open your eyes, and put your feet on the floor, taking that first step towards the door. It’s all the same energy and strength. It takes the same determination and character. (Side note- who are these people that have such a struggle getting up in the morning? Seriously.)

What I took from these talks and a number of others is that we have to make conscious decisions on how we will interact with the world around us, and how we interact with ourselves. Living authentically, doing and saying things congruently, are of vital importance to your mind and spirit. It’s what makes us happy, by living our truth, and it sets the stage for what we will allow in our lives, positive or negative. If you want to get fit and not take the steps to do that, it’s all lip service with no action.

This is one I’m guilty of lately. I’ve been talking about getting a gym membership for weeks now, and I’ve yet to do it. I have been finding excuses and while some might be valid (not having the money to start up), others are less valid. For instance, not “having time”, or “it’s inconvenient today” are some of the excuses I’ve run around in my head lately. Yes, I’ve been busy with work and family, but there’s no reason I cannot spare an hour of my life, take the kiddo to the kids care area, and burn off some energy.  It’s just the story I’m telling myself, while I simultaneously lament that I’m “so out of shape”. I really am, however, going to hit the gym this week. It’s important for my health and mental well-being. I’ve procrastinated too long and I’m not screwing around with it anymore.

But that’s just it. How much happier would we be if we just lived our truths? I know the moment I stopped giving a shit about living the life that other people expected from me, I was infinitely happier, and it just keeps getting better. It’s important for us as humans to be authentic and to live and speak our truths. Living against our true nature will literally eat you from the inside, out. So many of us have anxiety, depression, physical ailments that are from stress. That’s not to discount chemical imbalances, by any means. But often, people harbor feelings we aren’t in a place that we can act on, or worse, feelings and creativity that we stuff down inside ourselves to live some other life. It’s crazy. I’m done doing it, are you?

Thanks for reading.

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Racing rats

This week has effectively sidelined all best laid plans. I was working from home, which I cannot express my gratitude for the ability to do, so I was highly distracted and pulled in many directions. I felt like I was a piece of taffy being pulled, almost to the breaking point, in a few instances. My kiddo was demanding and couldn’t understand that I had a meeting with my boss over video. She was frustrating me to no end. Because I was home, she thought it was party time. The pets thought this, as well, it seems. On any given day, they spend several hours in their crates without issue, and yet, if I put them in there during an important virtual meeting with my global team, all hell breaks loose. If I were ever to have a remote job, I’d have to invest in an office outside the house, because juggling all these demanding creatures is for the birds.

So, as anyone that is following along can attest, I didn’t even come close to my writing goal this week. On one hand, I could be angry or frustrated with myself for not keeping up on a thing that I not only promised myself, but promised others. However, I know that life happens and sadly, I’m only a human, as I’ve mentioned in this blog countless times. I have to be able to give myself the grace to not achieve what I intend sometimes. I would not lambast a person close to me because they were busy with family and work obligations, and didn’t make time to write a blog for a few days. Would you?

Again, as I’ve mentioned, I’m going to create space for myself, as if I were a close friend or family member. Doing this, is exceptionally challenging when running the rat race.

For a brief moment, I got to leave the race, and run my own. There are parts of that I miss desperately. There are other parts of that scenario, in which I would never wish on my worst enemy. But overall, the experience was beautiful and stressful. The new race that I’m running is a familiar one in many ways. I’ve traveled this path before, and it’s predictable in it’s construction, despite the location being different. The challenge to this race is multifold. Dealing with people is often the most challenging part. Beyond dealing with the same people day in and day out in a confined space, is the work itself. Most of my daily activities revolve around the same two or three tasks, more or less repeating themselves for at least eight hours a day, five days a week. It’s truly exhausting to “look busy” when in fact, you’re bored to tears.

In my race, I have a hard and fast rule. If at the six month point of any position, I am not riveted by the work or exceptionally loyal to the people I work with, I cut the cord. There has to be a reason that I say past six months. Does this look great on a resume? Nope. It’s surely hurt my job search in the past. However, I am not going to be miserable for an indeterminate amount of time, simply to make my resume look good to someone I’ve never met, in the possible future. It’s not how I’m wired. My time and energy are too valuable. And I respect my employers more than just occupying space that is not a good fit. I respect their time and money, and want them to have someone who LOVES working there. If it’s not me, I’ve got to move on.

In our personal lives, how often do we endure things that do not serve us? How do we allow things to continue that are draining, exhausting, and leave us bored? How many times do we let emotional vampires suck our energy completely dry? This is why I cut it, when things no longer serve me. If I don’t have a reason to stay, I’m out.

Once upon a time, I thought this was weakness. I thought that I was a coward for bailing out on things that did not excite me. However, I realized that it takes an incredible amount of courage to not only make a rule, but to stick to it, without question. It’s also an investment in yourself, by appreciating your time, energy, attention, and emotional awareness. You have to understand your feelings to pin point all of these things. The rat race may still have to be ran, but we do have the power to decide how we run it.

Thanks for reading.

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Bliggity Blog

joy painting brush
Photo by Bekka Mongeau on Pexels.com

Life is funny sometimes all the time. It certainly sucks less when you approach it with a sense of humor.

This week has been challenging and I could have definitely changed how I reacted in a few situations. But I’m human and still learning and growing. I’ve made an internal promise that I will no longer talk to myself in a way that I would not talk to a person close to me. I’ve even done my best to curb the internal dialogue in my head, the one that loves to concoct stories about my worth, which are simply not true. I’ve also fallen short of my goal of four times per week, writing this blog. I am fully aware that I have made a few choices to do something else with my time, and am not beating myself about it, as I would have in the past. Again, human being, with humans in my life that also require and deserve my attention.

In positive news, we here have decided to make some healthy, positive changes to our daily routines. The primary one is getting a gym membership at the local YMCA. I’ve been out of competitive sports for a number of years and I have decided that my sedentary lifestyle as of late, is creating problems in my psyche. I have been using time and childcare as a crutch for why I couldn’t work out, and finances are finally lining up the way they’re supposed to. This Y also has a daycare center onsite, which will be really convenient when my temporary work assignment ends. Additionally, when the weather is garbage in the upper midwest, we will have a nearby place to workout and warm up.

I’m really excited to have something to do in the evenings that isn’t dealing with pets and home and nonsense adult things. Instead, we can be active, and do things that are healthy for our minds and spirits. My partner is potentially less excited than me, but he will live. The kiddo doesn’t even know what it means, but she’s going to the gym to hang out with other kids. And learn to swim. That’s also something I’m very excited about. She needs to know how to swim for so many reasons. We live in a state where “lake life” is a real thing. Oddly enough, after living in a sun state for several years, she still doesn’t know how to independently.

In addition to having a rad place to exercise close to home, we are just doing our best to live our best lives and be good humans. I’ve been doing everything I can to be positive and patient with all things and people who cross my path. Being grateful has helped significantly with all these things. I’ve been listening to tons of audiobooks from the library website, which has added enrichment to my days, and provided much insight into humanity. This habit has allowed me to focus on a number of things that I’m working on. And that makes me happier in general.

Thanks for reading.

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Equalizer

alone man person sadness
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As I have said many times over the last many years, pain is the great equalizer. Yes, each of us has a pain threshold that differs from the next person. However, when we experience it, it shows us really what we’re made of. Some people live with chronic pain and others experience acute bouts of it. The point is, that everyone will at some point feel pain in their lives. It could be emotional pain, or physical, but nevertheless, it will happen. That is what I mean by “equalizer”.

The Buddha, while he was still Prince Siddhartha, witnessed pain, suffering, old age, and death when he escaped the palace and went into the village. He realized in those moments that we will all experience these difficulties. After this eye opener, he was determined to find the path out of suffering. Without getting too in depth, the path to ending suffering is ending attachment. That doesn’t mean that one doesn’t care. Quite the contrary. Instead, it removes the need to attach yourself to the outcome. It compels us to all be compassionate, but not attach our feelings and mental state to how things turn out.

This is a tall order when we are pack animals, with deep ties to our friends and families. Even more so when we are so distracted by social and traditional media outlets. We are constantly presented with opportunities to be outraged, shamed, heartbroken, saddened, and so many more emotions. And in many cases, we should be those things and try to alleviate the sufferings of others. But, damn. It’s exhausting. It’s really difficult in the modern world to care, or to care without attachment to the things we care about.

When people around me are hurt or upset, it’s my natural instinct to apologize for their suffering and to offer to help in some way. In many cases, that is all we can do. Even if there’s nothing practical that can be “done”, I still put out the offer.

Today has been the great equalizer in our home. There has been a lot of pain in the last 24 hours, both physical and emotional. It’s hard to say what will make it better. Currently, there’s nothing to bring ease to the sufferings. But as my friend said, we will figure it out. We always do. I don’t know that I’m able to find 100 more words for this entry. Tomorrow is another day, I suppose. Now, to remove myself from the outcome.

Thanks for reading.

 

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Busy?

Are we really busy? Or are we distracted? Overwhelmed with all of the things that are expected from us? Straight up, burnt out? And more to the point, what can we do about it?

Last night, I had best laid plans to come home, get settled, and get writing for my 500 words and take a moment to meditate and reflect. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I had every intention of sitting down while my kiddo was eating dinner and my partner was otherwise occupied. What my rational brain did not take into account were the plans of other people. The kiddo wanted to play bubbles in the yard and call grandma. The dogs needed attention. Dinner needed cooking. Meltdowns happened when it was time to come back inside after bubbles. Downloading with my partner had to happen. By then, it was bedtime and even that was a challenge with yet another, more massive, meltdown.

It seems with our busy lives that there’s just no break. The days run together and it’s hard to catch your breath. But what if it wasn’t this way? Would we just simply fill our time with more crap to feel like we are productive? I know that I’m often at odds with “free time”. I feel like I’m not “doing” anything and therefore wasting my finite time. However, what are we really doing with a lot of this time? Yesterday, when I could have been writing at work, I was online shopping for some dress clothes and a couple things for the kid. I was also compulsively checking my email for no reason at all. I wasn’t waiting for anything important. Just kept checking, about every 30 minutes. Also, I scrolled facebook like you wouldn’t believe, or would you? Social media, while often a necessary evil to this modern world, is responsible for hours of our lives disappearing in a blink of an eye. How many times have you been mindlessly scrolling to realize that it’s been an hour, or possibly more? I can confess that it happens to me regularly. Looking down at my phone for countless minutes, only to suddenly come back to life with half my day wasted. It’s such a time-suck.

Now, this isn’t to bash on the FB, because that’s certainly easy to do. But rather, it’s to highlight that we need some things to be happy, healthy, truly productive humans. The first being, needing time to decompress. We are so stretched in our daily lives with the pressures from work, home, kids, partners, and much more. There must be a few moments each day (gasp!) where we disconnect with outside forces and focus inward. Next, we need to simplify. If it’s committing to fewer obligations in a day, so be it. We need to accept that we are human beings, and while marvelous creatures, we simply cannot keep going at the pace in which we are. It’s burning everyone out at record speed. This makes us grouchy and short tempered. It makes us unable to make the myriad of decisions we need to, with a clear head. And finally, we need to slow it all down and refocus on what is important. Yes, we all make excuses that if this or that doesn’t get done by whatever time, some consequence is looming. However, I posit this question in all sincerity. What happens to US, to our psyche, our souls, if we no longer take the time to appreciate the world around us and the people, places, animals, etc in it? What kind of life is that? Is it even one worth living?

If we do not have the deep genuine connections with those around us, what is the point? If you read a previous entry of mine, THIS IS YOUR LIFE. This is what we’ve got. We have the chance to make it everything we’ve ever dreamed of, or we can work ourselves into the ground, completely missing the beautiful experiences we could have had. And trust me when I say that I’m not coming at you with this shit from my ivory tower. I’m a working stiff just like everyone else here. I clock my hours and get paid what my employer thinks I’m worth. I’ve got bills and a family that need my attention all the time. I’ve got pets that need feeding and care. I’ve got a car that needs repairs all the freaking time. This is not a judgement. It’s a plea. The collective conscious needs to change from this scarcity mode of operation. We need to find the joy in everyday so that we are not just existing to pay bills. I certainly didn’t come into this life thinking that I was going to work to pay bills and then die. Fuck all that noise. I’m not on this planet to slave away, are you? I’m on this Earth to learn and grow, experience and change. I’m learning this more and more as I get older.

Join the revolution. It’s beautiful here.

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