Tag: love

Social media unrest

I’ve been sort of back on fb just over a week now. It’s exactly the same as I left it. The same bullshit politics and tragedies. The same people lamenting or embracing where they are in life. The same pictures of food, memes of animals, and photos of stupid people being themselves. 

Several people I know have recently taken breaks from not just social media, but all media and even become reclusive. Because of the terrible things, the bullshit politics, and the really awful things being spread, they simply had to take a break. These individuals are some of the strongest people I’ve ever known. That’s how you know the environment is toxic. When the people who can withstand the most get out, you know it’s beyond time. 

Social media has been an exceptional tool in our modern world. It’s successfully brought closer the furthest corners of the world. But at what cost? Are we truly to believe that spreading vitriol, trolling, cyber bullying, and hate crimes online are what these tools were meant to be used for? I certainly can’t imagine the creators could have even considered to what lengths human beings will go to hurt others, even in virtual spaces. It’s almost easier in these arenas because there’s an element of anonymity. 

While I’m absolutely not the first person to posit these questions or make the ties between hate and being anonymous, I am discovering the true nature of things for myself. I can’t say I’m a fan of what I see. It’s actually really sad. Moreover, it’s frightening that so many people are misinformed (probably myself too) and spreading hate and lies. It seriously makes me wonder if it’s worth it. 

My husband has gone about a week after removing all his friends from his friends list. He only still has his account because a couple of the groups he’s part of are really important to him. A couple car groups, an insect group, and a plant group- all of which he uses to ask questions about things that matter. The insect group is for our garden, and the plant group was for him to figure out what ‘weeds’ we had in our backyard. Both have proven quite helpful. 

But isn’t this what social media was designed for? Sharing information with people sometimes a half a world away? It seems like we’ve come a long way from that aspect. I’m hopeful that we can get back there before it’s really too late. 

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What do I do with my hands?

I never really realized how much time I waste on facebook in a given day. It’s like a smoker who takes a fiver here and there throughout the day… it’s just something always at my fingertips, something to fidget with, scrolling through and killing a couple minutes at a time. With all this “spare” time on my hands, I’m kind of at a loss as to what to do with them.

I’ve been blogging and working on some business things, in addition to my day job. But I still find myself thinking occasionally, “Oh, I should post that.” It doesn’t help that I get email notifications when someone tags me on facebook. Thankfully I’m not the person that has text notifications set up, because that would drive me crazy all day long. Instead, I’ve taken to compulsively checking my email and once in a while I come across a notice that someone tagged me. I have thus far fought the urge to open it or to see what people are saying to me, but the desire is all too real.

Several studies that I’ve read included information about the addictive properties of electronic devices. They mention that the pleasure centers of the brain light up like a Christmas tree in similar ways to drug use and romantic love. The problem with this is that these feelings are highly addictive and fleeting, leaving the person seeking more and more, not unlike that same drug user. Feeling good is absolutely addictive. This explains quite simply any variety of addiction, from drugs and gambling to sex. Experiencing these pleasures occasionally heightens our lives, but when pleasure seeking BECOMES your life, what is left?

This is kind of what I’ve been exploring in my head, since we logged off facebook. My husband has sort of shifted his attention to other forms of electronic stimulation: Instagram and his old Gameboy. However, even with those distractions, he’s still been a lot more motivated at home. He’s been organizing and reconfiguring the furniture, since we have yet to find an array of these items that A) is comfortable for all of us and B) suits each of our specific needs. Thankfully, we have a modular couch and can assemble and disassemble it in countless configurations. (Shout out to Lovesac) He’s even reconfigured and reorganized his man cave to where it’s more functional.

We decided before the facebook break to remove the carpet in our living room. Fortunately for us, they installed it poorly and it was extremely easy to remove. Now we’ve just got some bare concrete, but it’s a pretty cool orange color, so I’m not complaining. Our baby finds it very fun to run on, instead of the scratchy carpet. It’s definitely a work in progress still.

In addition to the facebook hiatus, we’re rationing our tv consumption. Even though we only watched just over an hour of television together, I still feel like my night whipped by faster than ever. I looked at the clock and it was already 7:30pm. I looked at my husband and was so surprised that our night was almost over. It was crazy how fast the night ended and how quickly I was ready to go to bed. I’m digging that we are doing other things with our time together, but shocked at how fast it went.

Here’s to another day living without social media! Cheers!

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Facebook free week

Hello our there my faithful readers. Sorry for the delay in posting, but life. You know?

On top of life rearing its ugly head, I’ve been feeling pretty down lately. So sad and discouraged by the happenings of the world, I’ve generally had a sense of malaise that I’ve not been able to shake. 

Interesting enough, I was driving home from a class I’m taking last night, and my husband text me about a proposed challenge. He suggested we stay off Facebook for an entire week. Of course, he was coming from the angle that we’ve both been spending an awful lot of time on the internet and struggling to connect with one another. After understanding the ground rules, which are really simple- no Facebook for 7 days, I was in. 

There’s been numerous studies suggesting that people who are heavy social media consumers, above something like 2 hours per day, report feeling more depressed and less connected in general. That sort of research further suggests that while we are cultivating some sort of online presence, our real life interpersal relationships suffer the consequences. 

I know in my own life, the more time I spend on social media, the less attention I pay to my husband. My daughter, since she’s so young, pretty much is the only one that gets my undivided attention. And even then, if I’m reading something or responding, sometimes I put her off for a few minutes. This is a serious problem for me. These people are my top priority, and yet I find myself frequently distracted by other, less meangingful, things. 

In addition to the zero Facebook for this week, my husband has also decided that he and the baby will only watch an hour or so of tv, if it’s a movie, they’ll watch a bit more than an hour. When I get home from work in the afternoons, we won’t watch more than two hours together. He’s vowed to not play video games until after me and the little one have gone to bed for the night too. These are pretty clear steps to reconnecting with our little family and while in going to be bored to shit at work all day (I spend an inordinate amount of time surfing at work because I’m too efficient), but the benefits are going to be substantial. 

That said, I’ll have a whole lot more time to write and work on business. This prospect makes me also excited to see what happens. Wish me luck!

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Fight or flight

It has become increasingly difficult to focus on my day job. Not only am I bored by the tasks and lack of opportunity for growth, but I also have so many other things in the works. I am working on becoming my own boss and business owner and trying to maintain some shred of hope, given the political climate in this country.

I’ve never felt such a direct and opposite “pulling” force between my fight and flight sides. Part of me wants to try and keep some semblance of the life I lead, to not lose hope, to fight the good fight and create the life I am meant for. But on the other hand, there is something strongly pulling me away from all that, telling me that my family is more important and getting them the hell out of this dumpster before it blows sky high. I just want to run away somewhere safe and hope there’s a life to come back to in four years.

Between social media and the mainstream media, I’m overwhelmed and saddened. The alternative media is equally disheartening. We are living in a very sad time for human rights and social responsibility. It can be paralyzing, and right now, I feel paralyzed with glimmers of motivation and action. It simply weighs heavy on my heart that the world is not shaping up to be a place where people are free to love and marry whomever they choose, that health is only for the wealthy, and that life is largely not affordable for those that work for a living. It is saddening. And those of us that were working toward those things, hoping beyond hope for those things, are devastated. The feeling is real.

Finding happiness in the destruction of everything we hold dear as a nation borders on impossible. The only thing keeping my head above water is my physical and moral obligation to not fuck up for my kid. She knows nothing of the world, of politics. She is content being a toddler and little else. She loves her parents, her pets, eating snacks, and good music. If only everything were that simple. But her smile makes my day worth the struggle. What else is there? My husband, gardening, pets that we care for… they’re the crux of my life. They are the catalyst to happiness, since happiness comes from within. My family makes me want to be a better person, to keep waking up every day, and to be happy when it’s appropriate.

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