Tag: politics

Fight or flight

It has become increasingly difficult to focus on my day job. Not only am I bored by the tasks and lack of opportunity for growth, but I also have so many other things in the works. I am working on becoming my own boss and business owner and trying to maintain some shred of hope, given the political climate in this country.

I’ve never felt such a direct and opposite “pulling” force between my fight and flight sides. Part of me wants to try and keep some semblance of the life I lead, to not lose hope, to fight the good fight and create the life I am meant for. But on the other hand, there is something strongly pulling me away from all that, telling me that my family is more important and getting them the hell out of this dumpster before it blows sky high. I just want to run away somewhere safe and hope there’s a life to come back to in four years.

Between social media and the mainstream media, I’m overwhelmed and saddened. The alternative media is equally disheartening. We are living in a very sad time for human rights and social responsibility. It can be paralyzing, and right now, I feel paralyzed with glimmers of motivation and action. It simply weighs heavy on my heart that the world is not shaping up to be a place where people are free to love and marry whomever they choose, that health is only for the wealthy, and that life is largely not affordable for those that work for a living. It is saddening. And those of us that were working toward those things, hoping beyond hope for those things, are devastated. The feeling is real.

Finding happiness in the destruction of everything we hold dear as a nation borders on impossible. The only thing keeping my head above water is my physical and moral obligation to not fuck up for my kid. She knows nothing of the world, of politics. She is content being a toddler and little else. She loves her parents, her pets, eating snacks, and good music. If only everything were that simple. But her smile makes my day worth the struggle. What else is there? My husband, gardening, pets that we care for… they’re the crux of my life. They are the catalyst to happiness, since happiness comes from within. My family makes me want to be a better person, to keep waking up every day, and to be happy when it’s appropriate.

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You only get one shot- A Year of Happiness Blog year in review

It seems like 2016 was pretty much one of the hardest years for everyone that I’ve talked to. We have all collectively decided that it was a dumpster fire (as seen by the numerous memes of such) that skidded to the end like a slow motion train wreck that we couldn’t stop looking at. I mean, any year that starts off with David Bowie dying is pretty much going to suck.

With that being said, I had the best intentions for 2016. I was hoping that politically, this country would move toward human rights, helping people out of poverty, and electing one of my favorite political figures of at least the last decade (I pretty much bleed Bernie). However, America went the completely opposite way, and those proverbial chickens are going to be coming home to roost in just a few short days. But all that political turmoil and the joke that was our election cycle wasn’t even the worst part of the year. There’s been so much vitriol and hate circulating that it’s been extraordinarily difficult to keep a level head for an empath like me.

2016 has been challenging at best, to put it mildly. Personally, I was hoping to focus more on the things that matter to me, like working fewer hours and spending more time with my young daughter and husband. I changed jobs to facilitate that happening, but I ended up working just as many hours as with my previous job, but thankfully in a better environment. Yes, my job is still stressful and riddled with nonsense and adult children, its closer to home, and a variety of other plusses. My big great plan for 2016 was to start my own business and to begin the process of working for myself. Yet again, 2016 was the year that wouldn’t quit. All of those plans stalled in their infancy and have almost become an albatross instead of uplifting me.  I’ve taken numerous steps toward my dream of being self-employed once again, but it simply hasn’t come to pass.

I’m truly hopeful that 2017 will be different.

I think that’s one of my main switches recently is that even though everything has gone to hell in a handbasket throughout this year, I’m still hopeful that 2017 will be better. That’s not to say we aren’t in for a bumpy ride, because we are, given the state of politics and social concerns as of late. Yet, I still believe that I’ve just got this one life to live right now and bogging myself down to the point of paralysis isn’t doing me any favors. Every day I wake up and do everything I can to make sure that my family is taken care of and that I remain as healthy as possible.

I’ve been letting my mental and physical health slip a little this last year and I’ve already started making changes to get back on track. I’m doing yoga and meditating in the mornings now, so I can start my days off right. If only the holidays were a distant memory, so I could go back to working at 6am, instead of 5. That would be swell. Only one more week of these early hours until I go back to the regularly scheduled programming.

Anyway, I hope that 2017 finds you and yours happy and healthy. More to come this year from me so don’t worry. Writing is definitely on my agenda for this year, lots of it. Thanks for reading and I hope this year works out for all of us.

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Day 20- Gratitude Project (halfway there!)

Gratitude is a funny thing. Either you can embrace it in its pure form, or you can resist it. I’ve been battling gratitude in certain situations recently, but I’ve decided that I need to embrace it more fully. So, I guess in a way, I’m grateful for the lessons that gratitude has shown me. For instance, I’ve been so overcome with gratitude and truly humbled since I started writing my thankfulness yet, I’ve been partially blind to other areas that I could embrace in my gratitude.

This culminates in the fact that I’m grateful for the women who have come before me. Their struggles have paved the way for many of the things that I take for granted. I am able to wear pants, for example. I can go in public without an escort, and I can vote, should I choose to. However, at the same time, I’m an idealist. I want things to be right; I want the world around me to be a just place, and I seem to be more and more disappointed at this lack of righteousness and justice. That doesn’t take away my gratitude, but I am also not choosing to shine a light on the parts of things that aren’t perfect, that I am grateful for. Please note that this will be my only “political” post during my gratitude project.

In the spirit of true gratitude, I am eternally grateful (while also incredibly sad) for Bernie Sanders and his unwavering commitment to public service. He has not faltered in his convictions or changed his ideals for anyone or any amount of money. He has not caved to the immense pressure in decades. It has likely strengthened his resolve. I would literally walk through fire if it ensured his presidency. I truly believe that he is the only politician worth my vote that has come along in my lifetime. I am truly grateful for his lifetime of challenging the status quo and his ability to unite people. I’m truly saddened and have been experiencing a period of mourning that he is not the Democratic Nominee.

However, I am also grateful for the fact that Hilary (although, I’m not a huge fan of her) has achieved something no other woman has in our country. I am grateful for her dedication to not wavering or allowing politics to remain “a man’s game”. She may not be the person I want, she has overcome many obstacles and has worked her way to this perch. That has not gone unnoticed by me, even though I have been upset about the results. She knows how to play the game and has achieved a lot. She cannot be bashed for that, not that I’m bashing anyone.

I’m grateful that we are able to have civil discourse, and that we have relatively free elections. There are things that could be better, and I wish they were, but I’m grateful that I do not live in another country in which I do not have these same freedoms. American is FAR from perfect for an idealist like me, but I am grateful that I live her compared to many other places.

I’m not sure what I will do in November, and I’m likely to take more time to decide. But I’m grateful for Bernie, and for what Hilary has achieved. Perhaps this is a start to more women being in politics and changing the face of American governance. We certainly cannot keep going this same path.

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