As the regular readers of this blog know (all 3 of you), June is coming to a close, which means it’s almost time for a new set of goals… but before that can happen, some reflection.
In general, right speech is difficult, but not in the ways that I originally thought it would be. Gossip, strangely, is fairly easy to avoid. I can’t say that I’ve completely abstained… but I have also spent a lot of time avoiding it. My most difficult task has surely been the swearing part. Yes, I’ve got a case of the cussing, and it usually rears it’s ugly head when I’m frustrated or upset. Thankfully in texts, I’ve developed fun little acronyms to avoid actually swearing. However, the meanings are the same. I’ve heard that swearing occurs when you can’t think of something more intelligent to say and as flippant a statement that is, I’ve noticed that it’s partly true for me. When I’m incredibly upset or frustrated, my brain freezes and the only think that can come out is profanity. It’s very difficult to slow that process down, but I’m working on it.
I am truly blessed to be put into situations on a regular basis where I can be positive and encouraging, and in those situations, I’m very good at positivity and encouragement. Outside of those situations, especially in my private life, I find it much harder. Perhaps because my expectations are too high for those in my personal life, but nevertheless, that’s a work in progress as well.
Which brings me to the thing that I think I need to most work on, simply because it has caused the most damage. This month primarily, due to the exceptional amount of stress, hurt and frustration I’ve experienced, I have stooped to being passive-aggressive. The worst part is that I have hurt others, but a very close second is that I broke one of my top rules: Facebook is not my dumping ground. I have made several snide or passive-aggressive statements online that have either rendered someone’s feelings being hurt (including my own) or have made me regret it in other ways. This behavior does not happen very often, but they seem to be some of the worst choices I’ve made in recent history.
As with any set of goals, you win some and you grow from the rest. I’m definitely trying to win them all, but alas, I’m but a mere human. We are prone to failures, inadequacies and tribulations of varying sorts. When I fall on my face, I have the choice, as everyone does, to either lie there in the street or to pick myself up, dust off and pray nobody caught that on film.
The next blog post will likely be at the start of July with the usual outline. See you on the flip side!
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