Tag: Recreation

Bliggity Blog

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Life is funny sometimes all the time. It certainly sucks less when you approach it with a sense of humor.

This week has been challenging and I could have definitely changed how I reacted in a few situations. But I’m human and still learning and growing. I’ve made an internal promise that I will no longer talk to myself in a way that I would not talk to a person close to me. I’ve even done my best to curb the internal dialogue in my head, the one that loves to concoct stories about my worth, which are simply not true. I’ve also fallen short of my goal of four times per week, writing this blog. I am fully aware that I have made a few choices to do something else with my time, and am not beating myself about it, as I would have in the past. Again, human being, with humans in my life that also require and deserve my attention.

In positive news, we here have decided to make some healthy, positive changes to our daily routines. The primary one is getting a gym membership at the local YMCA. I’ve been out of competitive sports for a number of years and I have decided that my sedentary lifestyle as of late, is creating problems in my psyche. I have been using time and childcare as a crutch for why I couldn’t work out, and finances are finally lining up the way they’re supposed to. This Y also has a daycare center onsite, which will be really convenient when my temporary work assignment ends. Additionally, when the weather is garbage in the upper midwest, we will have a nearby place to workout and warm up.

I’m really excited to have something to do in the evenings that isn’t dealing with pets and home and nonsense adult things. Instead, we can be active, and do things that are healthy for our minds and spirits. My partner is potentially less excited than me, but he will live. The kiddo doesn’t even know what it means, but she’s going to the gym to hang out with other kids. And learn to swim. That’s also something I’m very excited about. She needs to know how to swim for so many reasons. We live in a state where “lake life” is a real thing. Oddly enough, after living in a sun state for several years, she still doesn’t know how to independently.

In addition to having a rad place to exercise close to home, we are just doing our best to live our best lives and be good humans. I’ve been doing everything I can to be positive and patient with all things and people who cross my path. Being grateful has helped significantly with all these things. I’ve been listening to tons of audiobooks from the library website, which has added enrichment to my days, and provided much insight into humanity. This habit has allowed me to focus on a number of things that I’m working on. And that makes me happier in general.

Thanks for reading.

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Patterns, and Choices, and More. Oh my!

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Whomever thought to give humans free will was the architect of the cruelest and sickest joke of all time. In reality, we have little more than patterns we’ve learned and a few sucky choices. When presented with a tough choice, how many times have they been choices you’re excited or happy about? I can’t think of many examples. Freedom of choice is also often paralyzing for humans. Our paleo brains are just not wired to choose between 17 types of cereal.

More to my point though, is that we typically fall prey to our patterns. It could be subconscious, environmental, or learned patterns from our upbringing or elsewhere. Despite our best efforts, humans fall into these patterns and it’s incredibly challenging, even under the best circumstances and motivations, to break them.

For instance, one of my patterns, and there are many I’ve identified, is that when things get overwhelming, too stressful, or intense, I shut down. That’s right. Brain off, decision making ability, higher cognitive processes, all shut off. I sometimes get a glazed look over my eyes and have a hard time speaking coherently. Obviously, this is an extreme example of what happens under real duress for me. Yet, I’ve tried to work through it, because typically these situations are predicated by an extreme argument with someone in my close circle. Though, I’ve made little more than a dent. It’s possible I learned this as a child, or young adult, or it could also be the result of PTSD due to an abusive relationship in my late 20’s. Regardless of WHERE, the WHAT still remains.

I have read countless books on joy, happiness, shame, guilt, and more human behaviors than I can shake a stick at. Still, I fall prey to conditioning and thought patterns. Even this blog is an example. When life gets complicated, I take some time away, rather than leaning in to my writing.

When I’m tired and hungry, I get short tempered, and lash out when people frustrate me. When my dogs are being jerks, I have my “go-to” reaction of putting them in their kennels until they settle down, rather than sussing out the problem. Humans are too stretched and too overwhelmed to deal with some of our problems of modernity, so to cut corners, we fall into patterns.

Stereotypes are a prime example for patterns, because in groups of people, our brains seek out the similarities, as exactly a shortcut. These shortcuts become wired into our neurons because it’s easier than forming new ones all the time. As we keep using those neuro-pathways, we strengthen them, creating even more difficulty breaking the thought cycles. Quite literally, it’s how we are wired over and over again.

Contrary to all this, it’s been my personal mission to “go the other way”. Yes, I fall into conditioned responses and trust me when I say, I’m a creature of habit. However, I do my absolute best to be on the other side of these things. I have spent enough time in therapy to recognize that while I WANT to run away when things get messy, I call it out, as I’m doing here right now, and go the other way. I want to LEAN IN, instead of running away. It’s important that we do things that we are uncomfortable doing as often as possible (safety concerns notwithstanding). Breaking those habits, creating new neuro-pathways, and MAKING DIFFERENT CHOICES is how we grow and change. It’s how we become better people by and large. That’s one of my personal missions, becoming better than I was yesterday. We do that by making the hard choices to go the other way whenever possible and forming new pathways to travel in our heads.

Today, I choose happy instead of comfortable. I choose love over anger and frustration.

Thanks for reading.

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Busy?

Are we really busy? Or are we distracted? Overwhelmed with all of the things that are expected from us? Straight up, burnt out? And more to the point, what can we do about it?

Last night, I had best laid plans to come home, get settled, and get writing for my 500 words and take a moment to meditate and reflect. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I had every intention of sitting down while my kiddo was eating dinner and my partner was otherwise occupied. What my rational brain did not take into account were the plans of other people. The kiddo wanted to play bubbles in the yard and call grandma. The dogs needed attention. Dinner needed cooking. Meltdowns happened when it was time to come back inside after bubbles. Downloading with my partner had to happen. By then, it was bedtime and even that was a challenge with yet another, more massive, meltdown.

It seems with our busy lives that there’s just no break. The days run together and it’s hard to catch your breath. But what if it wasn’t this way? Would we just simply fill our time with more crap to feel like we are productive? I know that I’m often at odds with “free time”. I feel like I’m not “doing” anything and therefore wasting my finite time. However, what are we really doing with a lot of this time? Yesterday, when I could have been writing at work, I was online shopping for some dress clothes and a couple things for the kid. I was also compulsively checking my email for no reason at all. I wasn’t waiting for anything important. Just kept checking, about every 30 minutes. Also, I scrolled facebook like you wouldn’t believe, or would you? Social media, while often a necessary evil to this modern world, is responsible for hours of our lives disappearing in a blink of an eye. How many times have you been mindlessly scrolling to realize that it’s been an hour, or possibly more? I can confess that it happens to me regularly. Looking down at my phone for countless minutes, only to suddenly come back to life with half my day wasted. It’s such a time-suck.

Now, this isn’t to bash on the FB, because that’s certainly easy to do. But rather, it’s to highlight that we need some things to be happy, healthy, truly productive humans. The first being, needing time to decompress. We are so stretched in our daily lives with the pressures from work, home, kids, partners, and much more. There must be a few moments each day (gasp!) where we disconnect with outside forces and focus inward. Next, we need to simplify. If it’s committing to fewer obligations in a day, so be it. We need to accept that we are human beings, and while marvelous creatures, we simply cannot keep going at the pace in which we are. It’s burning everyone out at record speed. This makes us grouchy and short tempered. It makes us unable to make the myriad of decisions we need to, with a clear head. And finally, we need to slow it all down and refocus on what is important. Yes, we all make excuses that if this or that doesn’t get done by whatever time, some consequence is looming. However, I posit this question in all sincerity. What happens to US, to our psyche, our souls, if we no longer take the time to appreciate the world around us and the people, places, animals, etc in it? What kind of life is that? Is it even one worth living?

If we do not have the deep genuine connections with those around us, what is the point? If you read a previous entry of mine, THIS IS YOUR LIFE. This is what we’ve got. We have the chance to make it everything we’ve ever dreamed of, or we can work ourselves into the ground, completely missing the beautiful experiences we could have had. And trust me when I say that I’m not coming at you with this shit from my ivory tower. I’m a working stiff just like everyone else here. I clock my hours and get paid what my employer thinks I’m worth. I’ve got bills and a family that need my attention all the time. I’ve got pets that need feeding and care. I’ve got a car that needs repairs all the freaking time. This is not a judgement. It’s a plea. The collective conscious needs to change from this scarcity mode of operation. We need to find the joy in everyday so that we are not just existing to pay bills. I certainly didn’t come into this life thinking that I was going to work to pay bills and then die. Fuck all that noise. I’m not on this planet to slave away, are you? I’m on this Earth to learn and grow, experience and change. I’m learning this more and more as I get older.

Join the revolution. It’s beautiful here.

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Mulligan

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Without making excuses, I didn’t do all the parts to my challenge yesterday. I didn’t write and I didn’t meditate for 5 mins. More like, 30 seconds before I fell asleep. So, I’m back to day one of this adventure. I’m glad that I didn’t make it to day 37 and have to start again, but I suspect that this is going to be a theme for a little while. However, even then, what difference does it really make? I’ll likely have to start over more than just this time, in all reality. Since, busy life and forgetful.

That brings up an interesting issue, that’s kind of been a theme today. Starting over, while totally annoying, isn’t always a bad thing. You get to perfect whatever it is and get it right. You get to try new ways of doing things, in hopes of learning and growing. You get to experience a deeper relationship with yourself and possibly those around you. Notice how I say “get to” instead of “have to”.

Take a look to your left right now, and then to your right. Look up, down, all around. THIS is your life. It’s the life you’ve currently got, and only you can change your circumstances to change your life, if you aren’t happy. There’s nothing else, this is what you’ve got. Sometimes that’s a really harsh reality. I’ve been there, recently. Trust me when I say accepting your station in life blows… hard. The good news that it’s never, ever too late to start over. Yes, starting over bites the big one too, sometimes. Nobody said it would be easy. Yet, in many cases it’s so fucking worth it. If it turns out that this new life you’ve created blows too, guess what? You can have another do-over!

Looking back, I’ve lived at least four distinct lives since my late teens. Each era seems like an entire lifetime in a jar, and in many cases that is exactly true. However, about every 7-10 years we totally ARE different people. All of our cells have been reborn at least once, and we are simply older and wiser, theoretically. We are shedding our old selves in slow motion almost. It’s really a cool thing about the human body. But more to the point, even our brains are reborn about every decade, leaving us to think and be new with each passing era in our lives. Hopefully we are able to learn the lessons available to us throughout this crazy journey of continually reinventing ourselves. Unless you’re like me, of course, and have to learn these lessons repeatedly and always the hard way.

Intellectually, I know better, but in real life, learning my lessons the first time, or without great challenge has been easier said than done. Though, looking back, I have to say that I welcome the struggle. In the midst of the bullshit, I can say I’d rather not, but it’s really important to me that I have struggled. Not so I can play the victim for the rest of my days, but rather so that I can know my own strength and my abilities during times of hardship. It’s important to me that I earn my stripes. I know that isn’t for everyone, and I accept that some people are just not the same as me.

Regardless of where you find yourself on the hardship spectrum, good luck to each of you on your paths. I wish you learning your lessons in a way that’s meaningful to you.

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The Universe

When I searched Universe on dictionary.com, this is what came back.
*NOUN
(the universe)
  1. all existing matter and space considered as a whole; the cosmos. The universe is believed to be at least 10 billion light years in diameter and contains a vast number of galaxies; it has been expanding since its creation in the Big Bang about 13 billion years ago.

When you break the word into it’s corresponding parts you get the following:

*Uni- one; having or consisting of one.

*Verse- denoting an area of activity or interest or a section of society distinguished by a particular characteristic. <there are many definitions of verse relating to poetry and writing, but they simply don’t apply to what I’m trying to discuss in this post.>

What does Uni- Verse really mean though? One place. One activity. Singular. The only one. There are some theories about multi-verses, but honestly I just don’t know enough about that sort of stuff to posit an educated response to them. So for the purpose of this entry, I am going to focus on One-Ness.

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As a spiritual being, I call our Source, or what other people refer to as God, The Universe. It is the place from which we all came. The startdust, the energy, the “matter” from which we are all part of and connected to, was found in the cosmos before we were created. If you believe in Intelligent Design, or the Big Bang… we were all born out of “nothingness” and created into “somethingness”. What we do with this precious life we’ve been granted, is entirely up to us to create.

What do you spend your time creating? I choose to create a life filled with love, harmony, gratitude, respect, dignity, protection, service, honesty, tenacity, diligence, and so many more things. All of them are positive and focused on being the best person I can be, and doing everything in my human power to teach and guide and love those around me. I am constantly left in awe of the human spirit and tenacious ability to overcome adversity. We are such marvelous creatures and we can do anything. We simply have to believe it, and stop at nothing to do it.

The singularity, the one-ness that we all share is often called the collective conscious or humanity. But I believe that it is so much deeper than that. I genuinely believe that we are all interconnected. By the stardust and the energy that flows through us, we are connected with everyone and everything that has ever been created. We are part of the earth, the trees, the fish, the streams, the air, the cosmos. We are quite literally interconnected with all things, seen and unseen in the universe. It’s until we recognize this, that we feel separate, alone, and isolated. Until we realize that we could not be more wrong about being “individuals”, we will never truly reach our potential.

The potential for us to reach enlightenment, heaven, salvation… it’s the infinite, ultimate achievement. Or is it? Obviously, these questions are unanswerable by just a regular person like me. But it’s something to consider, without dogma attached. We need to consider how we behave on this plane of existence, and not concern ourselves with only the after-life, though. Because what we do here is what determines after-life in many faith traditions. You’re not guaranteed salvation if you’re a dick to people on earth, sorry to say. You will never reach the pinnacle of consciousness if you suck as a person. You cannot buy your way into heaven, not by tithing, not by playing lip service to the whatever. You have to be a good person to gain access to the good things we are promised by religion. If you don’t subscribe to a religion, that’s cool too. You’re still not allowed to be a dirtbag, a jerk, or any other sort of jackass. What you do on this planet affects us all. We are all interconnected. We are in this together, forever and ever. Remember this, and take it to heart. Everyone will be better for it, yourself included.

Thank you for reading.

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