Tag: research

Manifesting Destiny

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While listening to a book by Wayne Dyer, he said something to the effect of “There is nothing humans can dream, that they can’t conceive”.

Anyone who has taken 9th grade U.S. history knows that the United States was colonized based on a term coined “Manifest Destiny”. Simply put, god told some guys that they had to do it. They had to colonize from coast to coast, because it was their destiny.

Do I think that the universal creator (whomever that might be) gave the impetus to drive Westward, pillaging and destroying everything in their path, losing countless lives on all sides of the mandate? Not a chance. Do I think a pack of dudes got together and said, “out there is the great unknown and we think that it should be ours, no matter the costs”? Absolutely.

Now, what do these things have in common, since Wayne Dyer is the last person I’d think of when I consider forcible anything? Humans thought of a thing and made it happen. They created their destiny and created what they saw before them. These colonizers had zero idea of what they could expect to find, they had no clue how far away it was, or even IF the other coast really existed. They basically just went for it, sight unseen.

Manifestation is the same thing, at its core. We think of a thing, and work towards it, with nothing more than the picture we see in our heads of what it might be like. Then we create something to that effect, in our own reality.

I know there are infinite people out there preaching the gospel of “The Law of Attraction” and “Manifesting“. There are countless gurus for one to choose from, should you be interested in any of these kinds of things. I’m certainly not claiming to be one. But what I can say, is that I’ve moved mountains in my own life by believing that it’s possible, and busting ass toward whatever it was that I was looking to achieve. The key is to have faith that you can do a thing, that the thing is in your grasp, and that you’re laser focused on making that thing a reality in your life. Simple, right?

Not always. Manifesting requires a singular focus on a thing you want. Everything that you do, say, and think has to be toward that end. I’ve tried a whole bunch of techniques to hone my focus, and depending on the thing I’m working towards, sometimes the technique can change. Sometimes I meditate on the thing or use a gratitude list/journal. Other times, I post affirmations that remind me of the path I’m trying to stay on. Regardless of HOW you focus, the point is THAT you focus on the end goal, that you’re unwavering in the fact that it is already yours (it’s just not in your hands yet), and HOW you get there is not even remotely important. I know from my own experience, the path to attaining a goal is NEVER what I imagined it would be. It’s virtually never a straight line. There are course deviations, detours, and roadblocks along the way. Potholes abound. However, the trick, is never giving up and staying the course until the goals are realized in your life.

I’m still new to positive focus and “manifesting”, for lack of a better term. But I can say that looking back, I’ve had some really wonderful successes that I may not have realized were exactly the same as the techniques I’m learning along the journey. Is that to say I’m independently wealthy? Nope. Working my dream job? Uh uh. Have the 6-pack abs I’ve always dreamed of? Hardly. However, I am stronger, healthier, happier, and wealthier than I was six months ago. I’m also armed with the knowledge that I can be self-employed, that I can create something beautiful out of positively nothing, and I have the universe on my side with everything that I do.

By no means does that mean I’m on cloud 9. I still have real life to deal with. Not everything is roses. I have a lot of struggles, debt up to my eyeballs from a closed business, and all the daily bullshit of life (like traffic and preschool meltdowns). But HOW I SEE THEM, has changed drastically. I see all these things as lessons and methods of guiding me toward the path I’m seeking. I feel less stressed, more patient (though, I lose my patience often. I’m working on it), and generally more optimistic than I was previously. It’s good. And most importantly, I FEEL good. That’s what really matters, right? I feel good. Hopeful. Generous. Grateful. Challenged. And most of all, I feel love, all around me and within me, radiating out. Now, THAT, is what really matters.

Thanks for reading.

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Racing rats

This week has effectively sidelined all best laid plans. I was working from home, which I cannot express my gratitude for the ability to do, so I was highly distracted and pulled in many directions. I felt like I was a piece of taffy being pulled, almost to the breaking point, in a few instances. My kiddo was demanding and couldn’t understand that I had a meeting with my boss over video. She was frustrating me to no end. Because I was home, she thought it was party time. The pets thought this, as well, it seems. On any given day, they spend several hours in their crates without issue, and yet, if I put them in there during an important virtual meeting with my global team, all hell breaks loose. If I were ever to have a remote job, I’d have to invest in an office outside the house, because juggling all these demanding creatures is for the birds.

So, as anyone that is following along can attest, I didn’t even come close to my writing goal this week. On one hand, I could be angry or frustrated with myself for not keeping up on a thing that I not only promised myself, but promised others. However, I know that life happens and sadly, I’m only a human, as I’ve mentioned in this blog countless times. I have to be able to give myself the grace to not achieve what I intend sometimes. I would not lambast a person close to me because they were busy with family and work obligations, and didn’t make time to write a blog for a few days. Would you?

Again, as I’ve mentioned, I’m going to create space for myself, as if I were a close friend or family member. Doing this, is exceptionally challenging when running the rat race.

For a brief moment, I got to leave the race, and run my own. There are parts of that I miss desperately. There are other parts of that scenario, in which I would never wish on my worst enemy. But overall, the experience was beautiful and stressful. The new race that I’m running is a familiar one in many ways. I’ve traveled this path before, and it’s predictable in it’s construction, despite the location being different. The challenge to this race is multifold. Dealing with people is often the most challenging part. Beyond dealing with the same people day in and day out in a confined space, is the work itself. Most of my daily activities revolve around the same two or three tasks, more or less repeating themselves for at least eight hours a day, five days a week. It’s truly exhausting to “look busy” when in fact, you’re bored to tears.

In my race, I have a hard and fast rule. If at the six month point of any position, I am not riveted by the work or exceptionally loyal to the people I work with, I cut the cord. There has to be a reason that I say past six months. Does this look great on a resume? Nope. It’s surely hurt my job search in the past. However, I am not going to be miserable for an indeterminate amount of time, simply to make my resume look good to someone I’ve never met, in the possible future. It’s not how I’m wired. My time and energy are too valuable. And I respect my employers more than just occupying space that is not a good fit. I respect their time and money, and want them to have someone who LOVES working there. If it’s not me, I’ve got to move on.

In our personal lives, how often do we endure things that do not serve us? How do we allow things to continue that are draining, exhausting, and leave us bored? How many times do we let emotional vampires suck our energy completely dry? This is why I cut it, when things no longer serve me. If I don’t have a reason to stay, I’m out.

Once upon a time, I thought this was weakness. I thought that I was a coward for bailing out on things that did not excite me. However, I realized that it takes an incredible amount of courage to not only make a rule, but to stick to it, without question. It’s also an investment in yourself, by appreciating your time, energy, attention, and emotional awareness. You have to understand your feelings to pin point all of these things. The rat race may still have to be ran, but we do have the power to decide how we run it.

Thanks for reading.

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Bliggity Blog

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Life is funny sometimes all the time. It certainly sucks less when you approach it with a sense of humor.

This week has been challenging and I could have definitely changed how I reacted in a few situations. But I’m human and still learning and growing. I’ve made an internal promise that I will no longer talk to myself in a way that I would not talk to a person close to me. I’ve even done my best to curb the internal dialogue in my head, the one that loves to concoct stories about my worth, which are simply not true. I’ve also fallen short of my goal of four times per week, writing this blog. I am fully aware that I have made a few choices to do something else with my time, and am not beating myself about it, as I would have in the past. Again, human being, with humans in my life that also require and deserve my attention.

In positive news, we here have decided to make some healthy, positive changes to our daily routines. The primary one is getting a gym membership at the local YMCA. I’ve been out of competitive sports for a number of years and I have decided that my sedentary lifestyle as of late, is creating problems in my psyche. I have been using time and childcare as a crutch for why I couldn’t work out, and finances are finally lining up the way they’re supposed to. This Y also has a daycare center onsite, which will be really convenient when my temporary work assignment ends. Additionally, when the weather is garbage in the upper midwest, we will have a nearby place to workout and warm up.

I’m really excited to have something to do in the evenings that isn’t dealing with pets and home and nonsense adult things. Instead, we can be active, and do things that are healthy for our minds and spirits. My partner is potentially less excited than me, but he will live. The kiddo doesn’t even know what it means, but she’s going to the gym to hang out with other kids. And learn to swim. That’s also something I’m very excited about. She needs to know how to swim for so many reasons. We live in a state where “lake life” is a real thing. Oddly enough, after living in a sun state for several years, she still doesn’t know how to independently.

In addition to having a rad place to exercise close to home, we are just doing our best to live our best lives and be good humans. I’ve been doing everything I can to be positive and patient with all things and people who cross my path. Being grateful has helped significantly with all these things. I’ve been listening to tons of audiobooks from the library website, which has added enrichment to my days, and provided much insight into humanity. This habit has allowed me to focus on a number of things that I’m working on. And that makes me happier in general.

Thanks for reading.

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Dear Advice Columnist…

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How many of us have read an advice column? How many have even considered (or actually done it!) written into one, asking a complete stranger for help on a problem we are facing? I can raise my hand on that one. Both hands, actually. How many of us reach out to trusted friends or family for guidance when our brains and/or hearts are not working for us? Yeah, me too. What’s interesting about advice, is that many times we are simply looking for validation of an answer or decision that we’ve already come to on our own. So rarely we trust our intuition on these things, and it’s for infinite reasons. This is by no means a judgement, because I’ve done my fair share of all these things and will likely do them in the future.

For a number of years, I had a very close friend that I called my Spiritual Advisor. He’s older and much wiser than I. He and I are not as close as we once were, but relationships can be that way sometimes. I still adore him and value his presence not only as my friend, but as a human on this earth. He is an invaluable resource for knowledge and insight. Why I bring this up is that I could go to him with anything. It could be something stupid that a 25 year old girl would ask, or it could be some sort of deep and metaphysical inquiry. Either way, he was a seasoned individual that I still, implicitly, trust with my life. Not everyone has a person like this in their lives, and I’m aware just how very blessed I have been to have several people that I love, honor me with their guidance.

It’s become increasingly clear that I am this person to several of my close friends too. Maybe not to quite to that degree, but I’ve been increasingly humbled by the fact that those in my circle trust me enough that my opinion matters to them. I think as I’ve grown older and wiser myself, many of the lessons from my Spiritual Advisor have really begun to sink into my skull and become truths in my life. I find myself remembering seeds of wisdom he imparted on me over a decade ago, and I get to share them with people I love. This is something that has been weighing on my mind as of late as well. I get to share what I know about life and all the things with people I love.

I have lived a number of lifetimes in this body, as I’ve mentioned previously on this blog. Some of these lives I barely remember, simply because I’ve stacked life on top of those old days that no longer serve me. However, I’m inclined to get back in touch with those old lives and memories. I feel as if, while they might be painful to recall, I have to believe that I have the skills to overcome whatever might rise up from the recollection and it will give me the opportunity to grow from the experiences once again. It’s not often that people can learn from their lessons multiple times, or would choose to. But I’m ready to put that to the test, at some point.

In the meantime, I’ve been consuming as much as I’m able to about all kinds of topics. I currently have five audiobooks checked out from the library, and at least 25 more in my wish list. That’s not even to account for the dozen or so I’ve got on hold, for when they come available. It’s crazy to think how many books I’ve blown through recently. However, I’ve found a few topics that I’m just CONSUMED by lately, and there’s a lot of books on each of them widely available. I’m so grateful for good authors and narrators. An outstanding narrator is really an unsung hero, in my eyes.

If you are fortunate enough to have someone in your life that is a resource for advice and support, I’m so happy for you and hope that it only grows. If not, my heart goes out to you, and genuinely hope that you find the guidance that you seek in a person or some other format, be it book, audiobook, column, etc. I also send everyone reading love and light.

Thanks for reading.

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Patterns, and Choices, and More. Oh my!

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Whomever thought to give humans free will was the architect of the cruelest and sickest joke of all time. In reality, we have little more than patterns we’ve learned and a few sucky choices. When presented with a tough choice, how many times have they been choices you’re excited or happy about? I can’t think of many examples. Freedom of choice is also often paralyzing for humans. Our paleo brains are just not wired to choose between 17 types of cereal.

More to my point though, is that we typically fall prey to our patterns. It could be subconscious, environmental, or learned patterns from our upbringing or elsewhere. Despite our best efforts, humans fall into these patterns and it’s incredibly challenging, even under the best circumstances and motivations, to break them.

For instance, one of my patterns, and there are many I’ve identified, is that when things get overwhelming, too stressful, or intense, I shut down. That’s right. Brain off, decision making ability, higher cognitive processes, all shut off. I sometimes get a glazed look over my eyes and have a hard time speaking coherently. Obviously, this is an extreme example of what happens under real duress for me. Yet, I’ve tried to work through it, because typically these situations are predicated by an extreme argument with someone in my close circle. Though, I’ve made little more than a dent. It’s possible I learned this as a child, or young adult, or it could also be the result of PTSD due to an abusive relationship in my late 20’s. Regardless of WHERE, the WHAT still remains.

I have read countless books on joy, happiness, shame, guilt, and more human behaviors than I can shake a stick at. Still, I fall prey to conditioning and thought patterns. Even this blog is an example. When life gets complicated, I take some time away, rather than leaning in to my writing.

When I’m tired and hungry, I get short tempered, and lash out when people frustrate me. When my dogs are being jerks, I have my “go-to” reaction of putting them in their kennels until they settle down, rather than sussing out the problem. Humans are too stretched and too overwhelmed to deal with some of our problems of modernity, so to cut corners, we fall into patterns.

Stereotypes are a prime example for patterns, because in groups of people, our brains seek out the similarities, as exactly a shortcut. These shortcuts become wired into our neurons because it’s easier than forming new ones all the time. As we keep using those neuro-pathways, we strengthen them, creating even more difficulty breaking the thought cycles. Quite literally, it’s how we are wired over and over again.

Contrary to all this, it’s been my personal mission to “go the other way”. Yes, I fall into conditioned responses and trust me when I say, I’m a creature of habit. However, I do my absolute best to be on the other side of these things. I have spent enough time in therapy to recognize that while I WANT to run away when things get messy, I call it out, as I’m doing here right now, and go the other way. I want to LEAN IN, instead of running away. It’s important that we do things that we are uncomfortable doing as often as possible (safety concerns notwithstanding). Breaking those habits, creating new neuro-pathways, and MAKING DIFFERENT CHOICES is how we grow and change. It’s how we become better people by and large. That’s one of my personal missions, becoming better than I was yesterday. We do that by making the hard choices to go the other way whenever possible and forming new pathways to travel in our heads.

Today, I choose happy instead of comfortable. I choose love over anger and frustration.

Thanks for reading.

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