I blame Tony

Ok, so I don’t blame him exactly. But rather, I blame him for being such an inspiring guy and leading me to believe that if he can do it, I can too. I know I can change things about myself. I’ve successfully done that many times in my quest for becoming the best human I can be (striving for perfection really).

However, my quest for perfection and this challenge do not like one another very much. I’ve gone three days now without really breaking my rules. However, THINKING has been my downfall. I may not say the F-word out loud, but you better believe I’m cussing up a storm in my head. I’m working on it. Progress. But it’s not perfect and it’s making me crazy. Lol

Going to keep at it tomorrow. Heading into day 4! Woooo!

Conscious effort

Day two has been a successful effort in changing my mindset. This morning when I left for work (even though I was running late), I made the conscious effort to smile and not allow the bastards to get me down.

It felt good. Smiling for absolutely no reason in the car, singing silly songs, and making jokes all day at work makes me feel good. Taking down my negative intensity a notch feels good. I’m optimistic and feeling great today. Happy day two of changing my mindset!

The universe isn’t going easy on me

I am proud of my ability to not drop an F-bomb today, but damn I wanted to. People are trying to make me crazy at work, so bad.

I pride myself on my ability to babysit grown adults and conduct myself professionally. I was definitely skating that line of professionalism at a couple moments today. However, my desk Slinky and a few muttering-under-my-breath choice words.

Anyway, tomorrow is finally day two! Yes! Progress!

F*cks be damned. 

So did I mention I literally can’t go an entire day without saying the F-word? Today is no different. However, I think I need to revise my rules again. Not just so I can complete this task in front of me, although getting past day one would be nice; but instead to be more precise in my expectations and what I’ll be held accountable to. 

Since I use that particular word like a comma (no, really), I have decided I’m only not allowed to use it negatively. I mean, that’s what this is about: rewiring my everyday habits to raise my vibration to the more intensely positive, isn’t it? 

I’m going to still try and refrain from using the word generally, in hopes of expanding my vocabulary, but if something is super great sometimes a “Fuck yes!!!” will be the only appropriate response. I’m not trying to limit myself, and not using F in a positive situation would be limiting. 

Nevertheless, specifics aside, I’m still on day one. In every other aspect, I’m feeling successful. The words I typically use in negative situations are easily replaced by lower intensity words. This has helped gently bring down the negatives, allowing me to feel more positive about situations that would normally have a greater  negative impact on my mood, or worse, escillate the situation further negatively. 

Further, telling people I’m having a wonderful day, rather than a good day just feels good. I like feeling wonderful. I like being ecstatic about things. I enjoy having an exciting time, rather than just a fun one. These are all fantastic things to feel and I’m grateful that I get to feel them whenever I want. This part of my assignment I’m feeling good about. I like. Now, if I could just stop cussing when I’m upset. 

More to come. Thanks for reading!

Is there a cussing anonymous?

Seriously? I can go all day and then one argument with my husband immediately makes me drop the F-Bomb. 

Today marks the second day in a row this has happened, so, I’m still on day one. Again. And again. And again. It’s the absolute worst version of the movie Groundhog Day. I’m in my own personal pergatory. 

Since I already said it today and I’m slated to start all over again tomorrow- fuck, this fucking sucks. There. I feel better. Goddammit. 

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