Tag: right intention

Day 29- Gratitude Project

Today I’m grateful for something most people would find strange, a chronic illness. When I was 25 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I’ve lived with this condition for a decade now and I can’t say it has been great. However, as I was thinking about the challenges this week, I realized that part of the challenge has been my fibro symptoms. As anyone with the condition knows, there are a variety of symptoms ranging from depression to widespread pain and fatigue. I’ve been experiencing all of these that I just mentioned. And of course, these things compound on each other. You’re depressed, so you have a bad day, so you’re more depressed, so you have a worse day, so you’re depressed further… It just never ends, until you make the conscious effort to end it.

Last night I had to apologize to my husband because I was just in a crappy mood, and snapped at him for not being a mind reader. I realized that the weather has been affecting my mood, as has my flare-up. It’s been compounding all week and even this morning I recognized that I’ve been just all around feeling terrible.

Since I was thinking about it this morning on my way into the office, I now recognize that I’m grateful for this condition and everything that comes along with it. The reason for this is that having Fibromyalgia forces me to A) be more in tune with my body and mind, B) reminds me that I need to take time for self-care regularly, and C) provides me the opportunity to acknowledge and be aware of how I interact with those around me. These things are constantly forcing me become a better version of myself and for that, I’m grateful.

I’m thankful for opportunities to improve myself, my mindset, and my attitude. To put a spotlight on areas that need improvement can sometimes be frustrating, as I do not always want to admit that I have shortcomings. But at the same time, it allows me the chance to be better. My perfectionism really likes “improving”, even if it is at the chagrin of my ego.  I am grateful and embrace the chance to be better for myself, my family, and the world at large.

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Day 28-Gratitude Project

For some reason, this would not post for me yesterday… so I’m posting it now.

Today I’m grateful for the fact that I work between two sites. They’re a few miles apart from one another, but I’m glad I had to go to the other site this morning. I’m grateful for the few minutes I was able to relax, regroup, and rock out in the car.

This morning was challenging. This week has really been tough in general. But today was enough for me to want to get in my car and drive away from my job and never come back. It’s not the job, and it’s not my boss. It’s one of the other managers that’s creating a hostile work environment. I used to love coming to my job. It’s challenging and fulfilling. I really enjoy my work and almost everyone who works here.

But this week has my wanderlust in a frenzy. When I get stressed out and upset, I want to go away from the problem. So, upon thinking about it and writing it out right now, I should be grateful to this manager for creating an environment in which I do not want to stay in. She’s motivating me to do something else. Now the question is what? No matter what it is, I want to do it for myself. I’m not interested in having a ‘boss’ any longer. Regardless, I’m grateful for the time away from my desk and the motivating to GTFO.

 
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Day 27- Gratitude Project 

I’m grateful for my mom today. Like many moms, she has stuck by me, even if she didn’t agree with me. But beyond that, she and my grandma taught me everything I know about hard work, dedication, selflessness, and most of all, family. Both of them are/ were the hardest working people I’ve ever known. My grandma passed away when I was a teenager, but she taught my mom everything, so my mother is a direct reflection of her in my eyes. 

Yes, my mom has plenty of shortcomings that make me crazy, but even though the world has been on a personal mission to beat her down, she’s never lost her ability to dream big. Sometimes, too big, but I digress. 

Mom is a hopeless romantic, even if men have treated her terribly. She’s made it her life mission to escape her childhood and become a Ph.D. By the end of this year, she will achieve that goal. She has taught me that even if the chips are down, never give up, and keep working hard. 

Because we were poor growing up, she taught me how to budget, live on little, appreciate what I have, and to be resourceful. She also taught me everything about being a fiercely independent woman in a world where fierce women are not appreciated as they should be. I can do anything, simply because my mom never let me forget it, and never ever gave up on me. 

Throughout my life, she’s been my biggest advocate. She sat in 18 degree weather, outside mind you, to watch me play roller derby. She missed one bout (the word for game), in the 9 years I was playing.  When I was in high school and I was being tortured, she was there, standing up to the administration because they stood by the perpetrators. She lied to my guidance counselor so I could graduate from that godawful place early, because dropping out was not an option. I’m grateful she pushed me toward getting an education, even though it hasn’t exactly panned out the way I want. 

She’s pushed me to be the very best person I can be, someone whom my grandma would be proud of. She never lets me forget how much she loved me, and reminds me all the time that she would be so happy with the woman I’ve become. I’m grateful that she never lets me forget her. 

I’m grateful for all the challenges in my young life, as they prepared me for adulthood quite well. I’m grateful that my mom was there, showing me how to be a productive member of society, but never losing the ability to dream big. My grounded, responsible nature sometimes thinks she’s batshit crazy, but I guess we all need that in our lives too. I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for my mom and her guidance. Plus, now that I’m an adult, we can hang out and have drinks together and talk about everything and nothing. As we get older, the more like her I think I become, and the more like longtime friends we can be. I’m thankful for that too. 

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Day 26- Gratitude Project 

I’m grateful for short days at work, a marvelous team that truly works together for the good of everyone, and for rain- but not too much- just a little. 

Yesterday I had an appointment so I only worked a half day. I’m truly thankful that I didn’t have to be there longer. There were way too many crazy things going on, too much chaos, for me to be able to manage a full day. The highlight in my short day was that it was going off the rails for my whole team, but we worked together for the afternoon and finished strong. 

Not only that, but we also got a few things organized for the coming days. I love it when we have stuff sorted out early, instead of being reactionary. 

I’m also grateful for the rain that came in the afternoon. My inlaws are not grateful for their entire house flooding. I’m sorry they’re going through such a tough time. We went over to their house as soon as we found out. 

There wasn’t much we could do until the water receded, but we were there to help salvage anything that might have been seriously damaged, and of course for moral support. But here in the desert, we need an occasional rain. Please note: I said occasional. I’m a desert dweller for a reason and if I wanted rain, I’d live in Seattle. However, my plants in the garden can always use some extra water as I’m sure could our water table. 

I’m thankful that my husband got to enjoy the rain with our baby as well. She’s never really been in the rain, so they got to play together in the backyard. I watched from the covered patio. I’m grateful for that too. 

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Day 25- Gratitude Project 

I’m grateful for the small moments with my husband. We get very little time, just the two of us, since becoming parents. I love being a mom, more than I thought possible, but I also sometimes just miss being a person. Being able to sit on the couch with my husband for a few minutes on nights the baby goes to bed without a big production and I’m not exhausted myself, is a rare event. 

We got to share about 20 minutes last night, just chatting and eating a cookie, while watching tv. I had time to load the dishwasher and tidy up the kitchen too. Of course, the baby fussed and realized she was in the bedroom alone and woke up. She almost made it back to sleep, but not quite before she hit her second wind. She did have a 2 hour nap, after all. 

So daddy took her until she started getting sleepy again while I laid down to get a little rest before she came back to bed. I’m grateful that he hung out with her until she was tired again. 

I’m also thankful for her naps on the weekends. It gives us a chance to do things that are difficult to do when she’s awake, like yard work and other chores. We’ve learned to use her naps to get things done, reconnect, and relax. I’m grateful for these lessons in time management and adulting. 

As our baby gets older, we will have more time to ourselves I’m sure, but until then, I’m pleased that we get them occasionally. Nothing can bring back our childless days feelings, or even our single days feelings, but it’s nice to get a few moments every once in a while of quiet and rest. I’m grateful. 

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