Tag: right intention

40 days of gratitude

The theme of this blog has been evolving ever since I began typing that first blog several years ago. I was searching for meaningful ways to bring more happiness into my daily life. I was in the midst of college and in a dark place in my personal relationships. I was not living authentically or really living at all. I was just grinding it out, day in and day out; existing simply to finish my then goal of graduating college. I was on the back end of personal tragedy and heartbreak, in the middle of a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, and getting ready to step off a cliff into the unknown. There were so many forces at work and I had to focus on the positive. I’m nowhere near where I was, but I’m not yet to where I want to be. I am evolving, and so is this blog.

So I recently asked myself the following:

What is it with 40 days/ 6 weeks? Lent is 40 days; maternity leave is about 6 weeks after the baby is born for those that get it. Why are these numbers or timeframes so engrained in our past and present lives? I don’t have these answers, but I’ve been inspired.

I was reading a book that I was meaning to read for a long time. It was on my Amazon wishlist for a few years, and I finally received it for my birthday, I think. I didn’t read it right away for some reason, but I’m glad that I did. Reading books has gotten harder since having a little one at home. She takes up 99% of my spare waking time that I’m not at work. The other 1% is cleaning. Anyway, the premise of the book Life is a Verb, is that 37 days (which is very close to 40) can transform your life. There are a series of stories and activities to do at the end of each one for 37 days. Each of these activities are designed by the author (whom I seem to feel is a kindred spirit from her stories and experiences) to help you live the life you want. Living the life I want, spending more time with my family, working smarter-not-harder, and being in the employ of myself are my main goals, but living a more grateful and joyful life have been my “small” goals for many years.

Those of you who’ve been following this blog for any length of time know that I’ve been studying and seeking greater happiness for a long time. I’ve had moments of elation that I cannot compare to anything else in this life, but I’ve also experienced some of the most devastating despair and loss that I’ve ever had in my 35 years on this earth. Of course, I’ve felt everything in between and surely will over and over again as I grow older. I hope that the feelings of happiness will be greater than those of unhappiness, of course, as we all do. So by focusing on what I want, instead of what I don’t want, I plan to cultivate just that.

So in the spirit of change, transformation, and happiness, I’m going to focus on gratitude. There have been countless studies and interviews indicating that the more a person is grateful, the happier they are throughout the course of their lives, and also exhibit more satisfaction with their lives in general. I’d like to practice more gratitude, because while I’m extremely grateful for all of the things in my life, I feel like if I can bring intention and magnify the things in which I am grateful, more of these things will grace my daily life.

I have decided that I want to challenge myself to not only be grateful, especially amidst stress and fatigue, but I also want to challenge my personal dedication to writing. I love writing but find that I make excuses not to do it, mostly evolving from not having enough time. Because of this, I want to focus on just a few minutes of writing each day to express my gratitude. Gradually, or at least periodically, I’m sure my entries will be long, but I’m guessing that most of them will be short. Probably very short. But the goal is to do it. Starting tomorrow, I’ve set an alarm to ensure that I simply don’t forget to write. It is my intention to bring attention to this particular goal for just a few minutes every day.

So stay tuned! And wish me luck. I’ll likely need it.

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Soul searching and meditative painting

The season is finally starting to wind down in Arizona and the nights are getting brisker. The heat of the days are getting below the 100s. I’ve been meaning to start the massive interior-painting-my-house project for months and I finally feel like the weather is cooperating. I’m able to open the doors and windows to vent the place out, though the paint I spent a small fortune on is ultra low odor, low/no VOC and thankfully doesn’t bother my allergies so much. Thanks to Home Depot for finally having options other than toxic. (Shameless plug for paint that won’t kill you as quickly) So, when I get home in the evenings, I’m able to do a little painting. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I figure if I do an hour or two every couple days, I won’t kill myself and it’ll get done without rushing. That’s a major concern. I want it to look good… If I rush through it, it’ll get done, but it’ll look like crap and it will not last very long. I don’t want to have to paint every surface of my house very often. It will be done slowly and correctly. :)

The bathroom in progress

With all this OCD perfectionism, I’ve had a bit of time to think and search my brain and heart. I’ve also had a bit of time to read the last few days, though, my procrastination of homework has caused a little stress and panic. Fingers crossed for a good grade on this last lab report. It was not easy to focus on, let alone get completed. Note to self: STOP procrastinating when I have stuff due.

Anyway, there are a few things that I want to touch on in this post, first: painting is rather meditative. You are able to think and be introspective yet, incredibly focused and not realizing either. It’s all the more important to maintain focus when you have an antique hardwood floor to protect, but the attention to detail and immense concentration required… wow. Second: through this action of extreme mindfulness, it’s come to the surface that having control over my environment is incredibly important to me… I can imagine that it’s the same for others, but I’m only going to speak for myself here. Third: Money, while it doesn’t necessarily “buy happiness”, it sure buys the option.

Ok, so the meditative thing… as some of you might recall, I am not good at the meditation. It was one of my goals to find sources of meditation that were not sitting on a cushion listening to ambient music. I just cannot sit still long enough for all that. Instead I tried gardening (which hasn’t produced much but huge plants. Food? Not a scrap.). I’ve got a hobby or two that can be meditative, but it’s not been lately for other reasons that I won’t get into here. When I embarked on the painting idea, I thought only of the end result… sort of. I knew that it would take me a long time, because I’m essentially doing it myself and I also knew it wasn’t going to be easy, mostly due to the amount of time it would require. No, painting is not easy… it’s labor intensive and physically demanding. It’s not for the faint of heart. But I’ve done a whole house before, walls and ceiling. Those times though, I had consistent help and it wasn’t exactly THAT important that the job be great. A lease of only a year is sort of good like that. If it looks terrible, you don’t have to live with it long. However, home ownership has a different feel. I’m stuck with it if it sucks. Incentive to make it beautiful accepted. Just selecting the colors was a really long process. I couldn’t find a medium and dark grey that were both in the same color family that I liked. It took a long time, but I finally did it. Hell, these two colors are on the same paint card, let alone in the same color family. Anyway, so I’ve been listening to music and just taking a little bit of time as often as I can to get just bits and pieces done at a time. I’ve had a little help from someone who can reach my ceiling without a chair. For that help, I’m incredibly grateful. Plus I enjoy the company. Bonus. During this series of relatively short meditations, I’ve made a lot of internal progress. I’ve come to realize a few things not only about myself, but about what I want in my future. This has been incredibly valuable, since I’ve had the opportunity to also evaluate how I interact and gel with other people.

Chihuahuas are people too…

This leads me to my second thing, control. I have felt really out of control for many years and I guess I’ve learned to adapt to that feeling of chaos, so much in that I almost feel more comfortable in chaotic situations than otherwise. It’s partly due to the fact that I just cannot sit still, but this doesn’t help the fact that I’m to a stage in my life where I not only want, but feel like I need control over SOMETHING other than my personal body. Slowly but surely, I have been doing what I can to extract control out of my life, which in essence is uncontrollable. However, the painting project has helped me feel like I have control over my space, where I most certainly don’t, yet I feel like I have a bit of a say in what happens here. It’s quite a nice feeling. I cannot wait to see how beautiful my home is when it’s done… since I got to be the only voice in paint colors for the first time ever.

My new bedding!

And this of course, leads me to my final point. I’ve always thought to myself that money wasn’t the key to happiness. In my experience, having money meant that I had no time. I prefer having time than money. However, I’m slightly reevaluating that thought too. At this point, I’m pretty much broke, but I’ve got enough money to get the general bills paid with a tiny amount left over. For a very long time, I didn’t have two nickles to rub together and on the flip side, I had more than enough money but no time to spend it. I prefer where I am. I get to do one or two small things to get out and have adventures, but I don’t have anything extravagant. That makes me happy in and of itself. Having a few simple things, like going to one concert a month (not big arena shows or anything, but small venues, indie bands or shows that are meaningful), going out to a nice dinner once in a while… these are simple things that produce a great deal of joy in my humble life. That’s what I mean by money giving you the option of happiness… and it’s not “happiness” in general that money buys. It’s more the experience that often requires a little cash. I’m blessed to also have a few good friends that like doing stuff that I can tag along to. This gets me out a little more than I plan for and helps me achieve the “adventures with those close to me” part of my goals right now.

Rise Against!

I think, as my happiness project is creeping to it’s official end, I’ve realized more than anything that I am so fortunate. Not because I have a fancy house, a high paying job, a brand new car, tons of stuff…. because I truly have none of those things. I live in a modest house that I’m blessed to be paying for for the next 30 years, I have a high mileage used car that happens to be exactly the perfect car for me, which I’m also fortunate to be paying on for a while, a modest salary at a small business and virtually no personal possessions… I could not be more fortunate. I have a beautiful life that occasionally sucks ass, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

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Manifesting Destiny

For those of you that have read the first couple of posts in this blog, you know that it was partly sparked by the book The Happiness Project. This book prompted me to write out goals in clear ways and hold myself accountable/ document my progress. This blog has helped tremendously and I’m actually a little surprised that I’m still sticking with it. I’ve got a couple other blogs that I’m not nearly as dedicated to. I think that may be part of the nature of the beast though, in that I’m constantly doing something to improve my life, whereas I’m not constantly doing things that apply to those particular blogs. Sounds like I’ve got some work to do…

http://egyptsaidso.com/weekly-motivation/if-destiny-is-by-choice-not-chance-then-what-are-you-choosing/

Anyway, as part of the book, the author wrote a manifesto. Yes, a real life manifesto. I think most successful people have done this very thing, I should maybe get on that too… but I digress. Here’s her manifesto:

A Happiness Manifesto
-To be happy, you need to consider feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
-One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
-The days are long, but the years are short.
-You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
-Your body matters.
-Happiness is other people.
-Think about yourself so you can forget yourself.
-“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.”—G. K. Chesterton
-What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.
-Best is good, better is best.
-Outer order contributes to inner calm.
-Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have.
-You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.
-“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” —Robert Louis Stevenson
-You manage what you measure.

Many of these points in the manifesto (I just love that word) apply quite specifically to the goals I’ve set out to achieve this year. She just uses different words for many of the items I’ve checked off the list or am currently working on. I guess checked off the list isn’t the right term, since, I’m constantly working on every goal I’ve laid out.

http://www.epicparent.tv/teach-your-kids-to-choose-joy/

A couple of these things I’d like to bring attention to though, primarily “you manage what you measure”, “happiness is about other people” and “you’re not happy unless you think you’re happy”.

You manage what you measure- this one fits perfectly into my concept of holding myself accountable for the work that needs to be done in this adventure. If it can’t be measured, or at the very least compared to previous ways of acting or thinking, there’s never going to be progress. I had to keep this in mind a lot this year. Even if it’s biting my tongue where I normally wouldn’t, or leaving a conversation that is not getting anywhere. Comparing it to previous ways of thinking and behaving is a measurable way of showing progress. Progress is essential. Otherwise you’re just spinning your wheels.

Happiness is about other people- as described in the book as well as this blog and in my head, doesn’t mean external happiness through other people, but that if you strive to be happy in the presence of others and strive to aid them in whatever ways possible, THAT is a major source of great happiness. I love helping others and making their days brighter. It makes me feel good too. Plus, if you’re radiating happiness, other people will be attracted to that.

http://keturahweathers.theworldrace.org/?filename=og-love

You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy- has been a big stress factor for me. Other people in my life SAY they’re happy but come off as truly miserable much of the time. But on the flip side, I often feel down or stressed out, but I make it a point to do it with a smile. As mentioned previously in posts, people cannot figure out how stupid and bad things can happen to me, but I’m smiling, although I said I was furious at the time. I feel less like crap when I’m smiling, and even if I’m furious, I have to laugh… otherwise I may scream or cry. There have been times where I’ve had to excuse myself from situations to do either of those things… scream or cry. But those times are getting to be fewer as time goes on and I’m able to smile more through the pain.

My destiny is to be happy and to help others. I know very clearly where I’m headed, the path is exactly paved for me. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t speed bumps, potholes and detours. I can accept that and I embrace it. That is why life is called a journey. If it were easy, it’d be called a stroll. I find myself hiking up and down cliffs a lot, but through all the struggles and heartbreaks, there’s nothing in this world that I’d trade it for. Even through my fury and deepest sadness, I love my life. I love that I can fall, get tossed and crushed, simply to pick myself up off the ground and slowly trudge on. When I see people coping with incredible adversity and struggling, yet do it with a smile and grace, I remember that this is the key to a truly happy life. The strength to get up every day, to go on, to pick yourself up from the gutter, and to embrace the beauty and lessons that life has given you… that is true happiness. Happiness within yourself. The strength to continue experiencing it. With a smile.

http://freckles-lifewithfreckles.blogspot.com/
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Truth be told OR… Brutal honesty, either way.

I first want to say that under no circumstances am I the pinnacle of morality, nor am I the “high and mighty” type. In the spirit, of well, honesty, I can’t say that I’ve always been truthful either. When I was a kid I’d fib pretty regularly to “not get in trouble”, but somehow I managed to get into more trouble by lying. As a young adult, I was not the pinnacle of honesty by any stretch. I did and said many things that I’m not proud of, but they have made me who I am today.

Saying that, I have a very good friend that often gives me advice about issues I’ve had over the past several years. Many of these topics revolved around “shady” morality, generally on one hand was the truth and it’s consequences and on the other, any varieties of non-truths or omissions of the truth with their respective consequences. But somewhere in the middle of these two hands was what I wanted to happen, clouding everything, as well as the variables of humanity and human reactions/ actions.

Now, I have learned that if I can evade, I will… I’m sure that other people do it too. Because of this, I adopted a “only direct questions yield direct answers policy”, which means that if the person doing the questioning does not ask the appropriate question to get a direct answer, they don’t get one. Only in certain situations does this A) work out the way you want it to, B) have a positive outcome at all and C) happen often in my life anymore simply because it’s too unpredictable.

http://www.careerattraction.com/the-truth-about-the-hidden-job-market/

However, there is one sure fire way to get, at the very least, out of the stress of lying. Lying is freaking HARD work. As we all know, lies compound and we all too often get buried in them if they get out of hand. So, yeah, the truth. It’s a good idea. I’m not in any way saying that the truth is always a good idea, because if your significant other says “do I look fat?”, you may want to take evasive measures. That or invest in sound protective gear. You may get beat up.

But I think that telling the truth in regular life situations leads to telling the truth in the big situations too. For instance, if you accidentally send an incriminating text to the WRONG person, it’s best to tell your friend that yes, you were talking about them behind their back, you’re a total asshat and you meant to send it to someone else rather than letting the chips fall. Not only should you tell the truth, but you should also maybe be proactive with the apologies.

Doing things unprovoked, like telling the truth, will free up so much of your mind space, heart space and let you not worry that somehow the truth will “come out” in a way you hadn’t intended. By doing things like telling the guy you like that you’d like to see him this week, or complementing someone on their shirt choice today will bring positivity into your life. It’ll attract people who like you, people that can share honesty, and appreciate your openness. YES, it’s incredibly difficult to be proactive and put yourself out there, and yes you will screw it up and end up occasionally bludgeoned. But, it’s all a learning experience, this life, isn’t it? Learn to dust yourself off and get back on the path. You’ll be surprised what comes to you.

http://knowledgemaven.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/convenient-lies-and-misplaced-truths/

As my closing statement about this whole honesty thing, don’t be a jerk. If your version of honesty is harsh, brutal to anyone but your ego, hurtful, malicious and all that negative stuff, it’s truly best to just keep a lid on it. Nobody needs you to add to their stress and they certainly don’t need to you drag them through the mud. The universe is good enough at that without your help. Cultivate kindness with those whom you are blessed to be around. Even the negative ones are a blessing. They teach you things the kind ones cannot.

Thanks for reading!

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Happiness by the kilowatt

Live the way I want to live, walk the walk, harmoniously
Temper, temper: whenever I get angry, meditate instead
Let it go, it’s not personal, and even if it is, it’s temporary: karma isn’t always yours
Live in the now, but think of the future: find sources of joy and memories

This has been a really strange week. There was a holiday right in the middle of it and it’s hard to know what day it is, though, I know it’s Saturday. I spent half the work week thinking that it was Monday. Anyway, happiness has seemed pretty elusive for those around me. It appears to be a time of great change for several people (including myself). Some of these people are going through physical changes, others it’s geographical, still others it’s purely financial. Nevertheless, each of my friends are experiencing levels of hardship, sacrifice, or upheaval. Many of them are facing significant challenges to their lifestyle or quality of life because of the changes that are happening.

The question I’ve been thinking about in the past few days is, how can someone remain “happy” during extremely difficult situations? I know that I’m experiencing moments of pure joy during incredible struggle. From moment to moment, I can’t say for sure that I’m happy, but I am feeling the most positive about my life, my future and myself as I have in several years. This is a totally foreign feeling, simply because I’m often too focused on other things to enjoy this feeling of happiness in the moment.

At the very same time, as I’ve been told, I appear to be maintaining my composure and nobody would ever know that I was stressed, struggling or experiencing real difficulties. That, to me, is a small success. I am often quite reserved and don’t allow the whole world to see my inner workings. Once you’re within my sphere of close companions, my “tells” are much easier to read, since my guard isn’t nearly as strong. I know that a few of my friends have a similar ability, but I’m pretty good at reading them. Shout out to Peaches. ;)

Shake it Out- Florence and the Machine

I am pleased to say that while I’ve got personal struggles happening, I’ve also got personal successes happening too. I think that’s why maintaining is relatively “easy”, there seems to be a greater sense of balance between good and bad. As for the goals of Right Intention, I’ve really made it a point to cultivate the right mindset and a clear path to internal happiness.

In a conversation yesterday, a friend and I were talking about our parents not listening to our opinions, even when backed by true facts. We decided it was based on our “status” in relation to our parents. They don’t want to learn something from their kids. I know I’ve been going on about nutrition and health with my mother for years and then out of the blue she shares some information that she heard from elsewhere, that I’ve said a million times, like it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. But this conversation ended with the notion that sharing information must be effective to be worthwhile. If the audience isn’t ready, they will not absorb it. This applies to me and the happiness project in that rather than beating everyone over the head with information, I just live it. Walking the walk, and allowing that to be my method of persuasion seem to be most effective in most cases. I am open to sharing information, but wasting my time preaching helps no one.

Pictures of Success- Rilo Kiley

The other aspect of my goals that I’ve been working on primarily is finding sources of joy in my life and trying to get as much out of those experiences as I can. This has been a little bit of a struggle because I’m used to MAKING things happen, rather than enjoying them as they are. I’ve truly had to change my way of thinking, almost over night, because I was going nowhere good thinking I could control every detail of everything. So, while certain situations might not be “perfect” they’re pretty damn good as they are and I should embrace them as the wonderful experiences they are instead of being upset that they aren’t “my” way.

Collect Call- Metric

And finally, to bring this blog full circle with it’s title, music. Music has been a huge source of support, strength, courage and joy for me and several of my friends lately. We’ve been listening to a lot of music and sharing it with one another. It’s been really great getting back to music. My whole life has had an internal soundtrack and reigniting my passion for music has made every minute of my days more bright. I cannot express how amazing that feeling is, the feeling that someone has taken your struggles, heartbreaks, joys, gratitude and put them to music and shared them with you. It makes people feel less alone to know that others share their experiences and put them out in the world. I know I feel that way.

Thanks for reading this very long blog. I appreciate those of you that read it and those that also read and comment. :)

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