Tag: right speech

Murphy and the Law

Everyone knows about Murphy’s Law, right? Such is my life, but in regard to the happiness project, “wrong” isn’t the right word. It’s more like, ridiculous or better yet… late. I say this because I’ve given myself two months to “perfect” the allotted goals, right? Well, the Universe has decided that I need to keep going back to other goals. This normally wouldn’t be an issue, but how am I supposed to watch what I say when so many things are happening all at once?

Which brings me to my point: Last month I aimed to meet new people that had similar interests or values to myself. Didn’t meet a single new person. The last couple weeks, met at least two that are really cool and I’d like to hang out with. They have qualities that are really great. One is intellectually intriguing and the other shares my quirky sense of humor (and sometimes ups the ante). Of course, surely they each have other qualities, but I’m getting to know them and I’m enjoying it.

Also, we are lessening the suffering all over the front yard in the last week or so at the house. There are a pack of stray cats and they’ve taken a liking to our porch and the cat food we’re compelled to give them. They’re safe and fed/watered. We cannot afford to take them all to the vet or anything, so food, water and safety is what we can do. There’s a lesson in there. I have to accept what the limitations are and be ok with that.

Anyway, that brings me to the introspective part of my post. You can opt out now if you wish. :)  Consider yourself warned. I was talking with someone at work today and they were questioning how important common interests are in relationships. I’m going to expand that idea into friend relationships too… but having things in common, at least to me is relatively important. Sharing and enjoying common experiences, that’s something I personally need in my life. Outside of a few specific instances, I’m not finding much in common with those around me. Maybe it’s me? Maybe I’ve got fairly unique tastes in hobbies? I dunno. But either way, Murphy needs to knock it off. I can’t handle the stress. :)

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The Art of Laughter or How Awkward Will Prevail

A little about me: I’m awkward, shy and often say stupid things when I’m nervous or around people I don’t know well. I’m sure there are more people afflicted with this type of, in my opinion, social anxiety. But I think I take it to a whole new level sometimes.

A little more about me: I just started a new job because the place that I was working before shut down due to “budget concerns” or some such nonsense. Anyway, I’m ending my second week at the new place and like it a great deal. Everyone that I’ve met is pleasant and in some cases incredibly nice. Even the owners are super nice and personable.

Several of my coworkers or related (there’s a husband and wife duo and a mother and son, as well as several groups of friends that know one another outside of work). This makes me feel more awkward than usual. Everyone is laughing and joking together most of the day but I feel like I’m missing the joke.

I laugh with my coworkers and we all make jokes that I understand, but as with many people who know each other well, they’ve got a lot of inside jokes and comments that go over my head entirely. So I choose to ignore them. What else can I do?

During a few conversations during lunch and while working we’ve been joking and I have said something that either sounded better in my head, or just didn’t come out right. I instantly know I shouldn’t have said that, and then I dwell. I roll it over and over in my head and create intense anxiety. Saying the right things is not always easy, especially in a new group of people.

I really like my coworkers but find myself feeling more and more awkward. I feel at ease in the work that I do, since I’m already getting compliments on how quick I’ve learned and how much faster I’m going, but I feel ever more uncomfortable socially with the majority of the people I work with. There’s really only one person that I can say I’m not anxious around, and she’s my boss.

So, how does all this play into my “Right Speech” goals this month? Well, first and foremost, I’ve become more introverted amongst my coworkers and unless I have to or unless there’s something funny that I want to say, I find myself not talking at all. I guess there’s a way to make sure nothing bad falls out… just don’t talk. But I’m often very chatty and I really enjoy conversing with others, so this feels inauthentic and still kind of stresses me out. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Ultimately, I’ve relegated myself to the fact that I’m going to say stupid things that don’t go over well and I’ll likely continue to be ever increasingly awkward. This is just something I must live with I suppose. Such is life. :)

(http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/041302/awkward-twins.gif)

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Not swearing is HARD

This month is dedicated to watching what I say and how I say it. I’ve been doing my best to be aware of my words and awareness brings about change, if you ask me. But, let me just say this right now… not swearing is much harder than I thought it would be.

I’m not the kind of person who F-bombs all day or anything, but I will use explicatives for emphasis. And considering some of the people that I associate with, not doing that is rather difficult. It’s along the lines of asking a sailor to stop cussing, as the saying goes.

Anyway, until now, I didn’t particularly pay attention, unless I was in mixed company, to the word choices I used. Now, with my new found awareness… I find that my words have lost their emphasis, I suppose. For instance, when I get really fired up about something or excited… my words are lacking that added measure of disgust/elation.

Truth be told, I need to expand my vocabulary. I think that’s really all this means. So as a side goal, I’m going to have to find words that are suitable replacements for common phrases that are less offensive. At work I say “shizzle” in place of a word or two and instead of holy hell, simply because I find it funny, I say “holy halibut”. But I was watching a weed control commercial and one of the lines when the homeowner saw his grass had all died said “What the front yard?!” and I find this very funny. I’ve not had a place to use it yet, but I will. Rest assured.

Anyway, if you have any good swearing substitutes, or just really great vocabulary words that I can use in everyday speaking, please share them. I’m interested in finding other things to say. Thanks for reading!

(http://www.buyolympia.com/q/Item=tm-explicative-checkbook)

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Ben Franklin was a wise guy, not to be confused with a wiseguy

From Ben Franklin’s Moral Chart- “SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”

From Ben Franklin’s Action-Inducing Lessons- “Energy and persistence conquer all things.”

So, what can we say about the amazing Ben Franklin? Aside from his affinity of making lists and inventing some amazing stuff, he was also very wise. While it’s rumored that he didn’t exactly follow his own advice, particularly when it came to women and booze, he worked towards ambitious and wholesome goals. Now you ask, how could this possibly have anything to do with my goals pertaining to “Right Speech“? Well, it’s funny you should ask… :)

Basically I went to my good friend’s graduation ceremony today (way to go Danielle!) it occurred to me that people are rude. Get a bunch of people in a very large room together and you’ll notice this more often than not. But the above quotes pertain directly to what I witnessed in that large room. People were chatting idly while the graduates, whom they didn’t know, were gracing the stage. When they did know a particular person, they were screaming and clapping wildly. I even saw people walking out after their grad walked the stage. Not only that, cell phones and inappropriate attire were EVERYWHERE. Now, I’m certainly no saint when it comes to dressing up at occasions or using my phone at the wrong time… I guess when it’s in public, I’m typically on my best behavior. While this pertains exactly to the portion of my list of goals that “people are not perfect”, people seem to just not give a crap unless it affects them directly. That, to me, is rude as hell. I want to believe that other people are not jerks. Constantly, I’m being proved incredibly wrong.

What I learned from today’s adventure in mixed company is that 1) Rude people are everywhere and it’s best to just ignore them before I blow a gasket, 2) You often don’t get a choice in life as to the kinds of people you are forced to be near, like at graduations, and families are included in this. Occasions such as weddings, birthdays and graduations are not necessarily for THAT person, it’s mainly for the friends and families of THAT person to celebrate the occasion. Which is often why people who suck are invited to those things and you and every other guest are forced to be in the same room with those people. 3) I am often one of the more sensibly dressed at special occasions. (Point in case: my grandfather’s funeral. My brother and I were among the best dressed and he was wearing tennis shoes. You can imagine the rest of the clan.) Today was an onslaught of flip-flops, white tank tops, shorts and dresses that were WAY TOO revealing, short, tight or all 3. I was embarrassed for them. And finally the 4th thing I realized from this experience: my graduation in December will be no different and my family is likely to be a participant in something others find objectionable. More than likely, it’ll be my brother F-bombing or insulting someone. :)

Then it dawned on me… As annoying as those people were as I was in the audience, people are people and we just have to not be so critical and keep our judging to ourselves. I regret commenting to my friend’s family about how some other audience members were dressed or behaving. It’s not my place to say anything about them. So for that test, I fail. But now I know… and in the words of GI Joe, “knowing is half the battle”.

(Above picture from: http://voiceseducation.org/category/tag/benjamin-franklin)

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May and June Goals! Look out!

Here they are:
Interpersonal skills (overall goal)
~ Right Speech (more focused goal)
Bite your tongue and never say things that you cannot truly take back
Fight right: in words, thoughts and deeds
Pure and beautiful words: eliminate harsh language
Nobody’s perfect, express positivity in words often: show leniency and positivity
Abstain from idle chatter and gossip: I mean it.

Well, here we are again, the start of a new set of goals in the happiness quest. The above goals, upon reading them again to put them in this post, seem a little like I’m a jerk. I want to slightly clarify, in my own defense. Since, those that truly know me know, yes I can be blunt and direct, but I’ll also be your biggest fan and supporter, no matter what.

However, I also have a very short temper in certain situations… like in arguments. It’s not that I’m malicious or anything on purpose, I just want the fight to be over NOW, by any means necessary. And once I cross over the “too much drama/stress” line, all bets are off. I know that this is incredibly unhealthy for not just myself, but those I’m close to. It ends up dragging out the argument much longer and makes it significantly worse for both parties. So, instead of this, I’m going to start fighting right all the way from my thoughts to what comes out of my mouth, to even my body language. I am too old and too tired of playing baby games. I need to start acting and fighting like a rational, mature person.

The goal of “pure and beautiful words” is a Buddhist principle that, after working in a warehouse, has essentially made impossible for me to adhere to. In short, it means no cussing. I’m not typically someone who swears a lot, but when I’m with friends I let the F-bombs fly. I’ve decided that it not only makes me look stupid, it makes me feel childish and unintelligent. I have a pretty extensive vocabulary, I’m sure that I can find OTHER words to express myself.

I hold myself to an often insane and unattainable standard and I’m prone to holding others to those standards as well. I need to knock it off. It’s not fair to other people that I hold them to these standards nor is it my place to be upset with them for being human. Because of these standards I impose on people, I tend to be critical of them and because I’m also a “fixer” (by which I feel compelled to fix everything or make suggestions as to how one can fix it), I come off harsh and often bossy. I don’t want people to think I’m being critical, judging them or bossing them around. I’m just a perfectionist. However, I need to keep that crap to myself. I think others find it annoying.

Finally, I’m going to stop gossiping. I’ve been thinking about this particular goal quite a bit in the last few weeks because I knew it was coming up. I was just making a mental note of times where I gossip or just say things about people that I probably shouldn’t share. So, I’m fairly sure this goal may be one of the hardest to retrain myself in, but I’m recognizing that I need to be less of a chatterbox.

Anyway, there you have it folks! My goals for the next two months. What goals have you set out for yourselves? Are they anything like mine? Feel free to share them in the comments section. :)

(http://blogs.villagevoice.com/dailymusto/2011/07/gossip_gossip_g.php) -credit for above picture

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