Tag: social media

Writing is hard, mmmmmkay?

Ok, the writing itself isn’t hard. Really, it’s carving out the time to do it. Yes, I make time to do other things, such as watching tv with my partner, read stories to my preschooler, stare off into blank space, and of course, the ultimate time suck: scroll through social media. But lately, we’ve been falling into the rhythm of the change in season (and daylight savings, since I’ve not had to do that in many years. Hats off to Arizona for not succumbing to such silliness). The days are getting shorter, the air getting significantly colder, and motivation getting harder to muster.

Instead of writing, I’ve been doing my best to get into a gym schedule that works with my every-pressing work obligations. My ability to keep healthy during the long Midwest winters is something I’ve been striving for the last few months. I do not want to get into a rut of laziness, certainly not before my sunny mid-winter vacation we’ve got planned. I want to look and feel strong and healthy alongside my family while taking in the sea air and ocean views.

Moreover, I’ve been looking into winterizing my car, and looking for ways to keep myself happy when “outside” isn’t on my radar. We are investing in full spectrum light bulbs to ward off the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), of which I definitely struggle, and also fun things to do indoors for a houseful of people who are busybodies. Interactive games and toys that span a wide range of ages are easier said than done. We have a preschooler and teenagers, in addition to adults with short attention spans.

As I have done many times in my recent past, I’ve made a decision about this new season (read: goddamn it’s cold), and that is to embrace it. Despite the fact that everyone in my house has fallen ill in the last few weeks, I’ve maintained my immune system’s fortitude. I do not plan on being anything but healthy throughout this winter (and beyond). I will continue to boost my immunity with elderberry, zinc, vitamin C, and my standard multi-vitamins, but more to the point, I have made the mental and emotional choice to remain mentally healthy too. SAD is a real, and sometimes serious condition, especially in this part of the US.

I’m not saying I won’t have down days, because that’s a distinct possibility as the grey wears on for weeks. The winter here is just starting, and I’ve got a long time before we see much of the sun again. However, the decision I’ve made is this: I am going to embrace this part of my life here. Not just for me, but for my partner and the kiddos in our lives. They all look to me, consciously or not, to be a constant grounding force in our home. I owe it to myself to accept and love the life I’ve chosen, even if this climate is exactly the opposite of my desire. But I also owe it to my family to be happy, present, and connective as much as possible.

The cold sucks, the snow sucks, the winter that drags on for what seems like eons, sucks. But, I have the power to smile through it. To see my daughter see snow for the first time, to build forts, and throw snowballs, and go sledding, and throw herself into snow banks, just as I did so many years ago. I have the opportunity to experience my youth again, and all the excitement I once had, with fresh eyes and wonder, with her and through her. I also get to do it with the family I’ve chosen, to create new memories with them, to share experiences with them. I’m so grateful and I cannot wait.

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Wake Up

When I typed in “bed”, to search for a photo to go at the top of this entry, there were quite a few clocks similar to the one I chose above. It’s very strange that searching for a bed, I get a clock. However, it’s rather fitting, given the title.

Waking up, is quite literally the very first thing we do each day. Not “being awake”, as to many of us “awake” is a much different state than “waking up”. For a large portion of us, the thing letting us know that IT IS TIME, is often a loud thing in our ears. Whether it’s an alarm clock, a child, pet, or partner, something jolted us from asleep, to awake.

I, personally, take issue with this jolting part. I’m sure many others do too. However, unlike many people, at least in my life, I do not like snoozing. I typically, if left to my own devices, just get up when I wake up. Recently, my partner has been quite persuasive in encouraging me to remain in our warm, comfy bed a few minutes longer than I would otherwise. I silently think he’s using it to feel better about himself snoozing a bit extra, but don’t tell him I said that. ;)

In reality though, I tend to oversleep and wind up rushing, rather than allowing myself a few extra moments of relaxation before stepping out the front door. When you have a small child, spare minutes are really helpful. Especially since my kiddo is a sleeper. She will sleep 10 hours or more if I let her. Unfortunately, like her father, she’s also a night owl. I’m an early bird, so her bedtime is early, because she has school and I have work. Also, she takes forever to wake up more days than not. It’s annoying trying to coax a preschooler out of bed at 6am, without a major fight.

I know there are some kids like me, and you are all my people. I’ve never been a sleeper, not even during my partiest of party years. I was always on time for work, even after virtually or actually zero sleep the night(s) before. I wasn’t even a sleepy child. But I think the reasons for that are more anxiety related, and maybe they still are.

Which leads me to discuss the real topic of today’s blog. The sleeping habits of my family was merely a segue.

There’s a new culture about that’s gained popularity and a name. Woke. I’m by no means an expert on popular culture in any fashion, but I pay attention to things. Woke culture seems to be heavily intersecting with Call-out culture which has shone a light on a number of really great things, but I also think that they can be really damaging in certain contexts.

Trust me when I say that I’m an absolute advocate for human, animal, and environmental rights. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life as an activist, but part of me wonders, what happened exactly to letting others do their own thing, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else? I had a teacher in high school say that my rights as a person end at the tip of my nose, or that my rights do not extend to a place where yours are being infringed upon. So, who are people that are telling me that I’m wrong for doing X,Y, or Z, if it’s not affecting them in any way? I’m just over here, doing my thing.

If I’m over here being an asshole, I fully deserve to be called out, but if I have purple hair (which I do at 38 yrs old), who cares? If my partner and I have tattoos and have the nerve to swim in a public pool, who gives a shit? Why do people suddenly feel entitled to give me or him or anyone else flack for that?

The short answer: you don’t. Knock it off. End of discussion. Pretty simple. Stop it. The end.

But meanwhile there’s politicians trying to legislate women’s bodies, the rights of trans people, and profiteering from war and gun violence. There’s something seriously wrong with this. If you want to call anyone out, let’s call out our legislators. Call your congressmen and women. Get woke to real shit and let’s be working toward equality and rights for us all. Instead, there’s a bunch of infighting, bickering, and worse. Knock it off. Your rights end at the end of your nose. You don’t get to be in charge of anyone else’s body, mind, rights, etc. Stop it. End of discussion.

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Busy?

Are we really busy? Or are we distracted? Overwhelmed with all of the things that are expected from us? Straight up, burnt out? And more to the point, what can we do about it?

Last night, I had best laid plans to come home, get settled, and get writing for my 500 words and take a moment to meditate and reflect. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I had every intention of sitting down while my kiddo was eating dinner and my partner was otherwise occupied. What my rational brain did not take into account were the plans of other people. The kiddo wanted to play bubbles in the yard and call grandma. The dogs needed attention. Dinner needed cooking. Meltdowns happened when it was time to come back inside after bubbles. Downloading with my partner had to happen. By then, it was bedtime and even that was a challenge with yet another, more massive, meltdown.

It seems with our busy lives that there’s just no break. The days run together and it’s hard to catch your breath. But what if it wasn’t this way? Would we just simply fill our time with more crap to feel like we are productive? I know that I’m often at odds with “free time”. I feel like I’m not “doing” anything and therefore wasting my finite time. However, what are we really doing with a lot of this time? Yesterday, when I could have been writing at work, I was online shopping for some dress clothes and a couple things for the kid. I was also compulsively checking my email for no reason at all. I wasn’t waiting for anything important. Just kept checking, about every 30 minutes. Also, I scrolled facebook like you wouldn’t believe, or would you? Social media, while often a necessary evil to this modern world, is responsible for hours of our lives disappearing in a blink of an eye. How many times have you been mindlessly scrolling to realize that it’s been an hour, or possibly more? I can confess that it happens to me regularly. Looking down at my phone for countless minutes, only to suddenly come back to life with half my day wasted. It’s such a time-suck.

Now, this isn’t to bash on the FB, because that’s certainly easy to do. But rather, it’s to highlight that we need some things to be happy, healthy, truly productive humans. The first being, needing time to decompress. We are so stretched in our daily lives with the pressures from work, home, kids, partners, and much more. There must be a few moments each day (gasp!) where we disconnect with outside forces and focus inward. Next, we need to simplify. If it’s committing to fewer obligations in a day, so be it. We need to accept that we are human beings, and while marvelous creatures, we simply cannot keep going at the pace in which we are. It’s burning everyone out at record speed. This makes us grouchy and short tempered. It makes us unable to make the myriad of decisions we need to, with a clear head. And finally, we need to slow it all down and refocus on what is important. Yes, we all make excuses that if this or that doesn’t get done by whatever time, some consequence is looming. However, I posit this question in all sincerity. What happens to US, to our psyche, our souls, if we no longer take the time to appreciate the world around us and the people, places, animals, etc in it? What kind of life is that? Is it even one worth living?

If we do not have the deep genuine connections with those around us, what is the point? If you read a previous entry of mine, THIS IS YOUR LIFE. This is what we’ve got. We have the chance to make it everything we’ve ever dreamed of, or we can work ourselves into the ground, completely missing the beautiful experiences we could have had. And trust me when I say that I’m not coming at you with this shit from my ivory tower. I’m a working stiff just like everyone else here. I clock my hours and get paid what my employer thinks I’m worth. I’ve got bills and a family that need my attention all the time. I’ve got pets that need feeding and care. I’ve got a car that needs repairs all the freaking time. This is not a judgement. It’s a plea. The collective conscious needs to change from this scarcity mode of operation. We need to find the joy in everyday so that we are not just existing to pay bills. I certainly didn’t come into this life thinking that I was going to work to pay bills and then die. Fuck all that noise. I’m not on this planet to slave away, are you? I’m on this Earth to learn and grow, experience and change. I’m learning this more and more as I get older.

Join the revolution. It’s beautiful here.

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What the world needs

To put it mildly, there’s an awful lot of terrible shit going on in the world. It’s truly mind-boggling how the 24 hour news cycle, media sensationalism, political figures, war, famine, abuse, bigotry, and all of the misery throughout every corner of the planet is beamed into our every waking moment. Thanks to social media and cable news, it’s easier than ever to see destruction and get overwhelmed by these horrors. As a matter of fact, the abundance of these terrible tragedies is so ubiquitous, that it’s created a new condition called compassion fatigue. I call it apathy.

This new, collective apathetic nature of humanity is making it even harder as a society to stop these terrible events. To me, that’s the real tragedy. We feel hopeless and powerless, when in fact, we are nothing but powerful. We have just forgotten that we create the world around us. We have forgotten that WE ARE POWERFUL.

What the world needs now, is love. Love is the light it the darkness. Love and gratitude are the only things to save us all. We can all be free if love and gratitude are the baseline. I know it sounds trite and totally cliche, but I truly believe this to be true. I can tell you, that in my own daily life, when I lead with love and gratefulness, I am better and so are those that I come in contact with.

It’s easy to be angry and hateful. It really is. It’s easy to be pissed off about your life and all the shit surrounding it. But love, especially when things don’t go our way, is really fucking hard sometimes. I’m human just like the rest of you, and I get real mad about things. However, the minute I empathize and come from a place of love, I feel better. When I feel better, I behave better and think better. If I can feel better and do better, I can radiate love and feel lighter.

It’s that lightness I want to bring into the world around me. I want to be a beacon of light. A lighthouse for those lost in a dark sea. I want to guide those ships home. Home is where the light and love are. Without the light, there’s only darkness, and that’s where the collective seem to be. Honestly, that’s the real tragedy. We’ve lost our way, and we need to spot the light. We need to follow the bright spots and let them bring us home.

Home is where the heart is. Love can grow there, thus creating more love and light. We are capable of illuminating even the darkest of places with love. What the world needs now, more than ever, is each of us to become lighthouses in all the dark places.

No, that isn’t just some hippie nonsense. Each and every one of us has the power to create light around us. Instead of yelling at the asshole who cut you off in traffic, you can say that you hope he gets to work on time, or that he needed to get somewhere in a hurry, so it’s ok that one car got in front of you. Instead of lamenting your micromanaging boss, you can understand how they may feel inadequate and powerless in their position, and those feelings spill over sometimes. Instead of flirting with your cute coworker that has a partner, you can understand how yes, the attention is nice, but how would you feel if that were your partner flirting at work or school? Rather than being mad at your lazy kids for not cleaning up after themselves, you can recognize that children are under immense pressure at home and school, as well as their brains are still being formed and cognitive ability just isn’t there yet. We can all be the light. We can all be love and gratitude, we’ve just got to do it. That’s where I am. I vow to be a light creator, and a beacon of love and gratitude. Join me. Let’s create the world we want to see.

Thanks for reading.

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Meditation and email are hard

Meditation is hard, I think.

Or is it? I am someone who struggles with sitting still. Relaxing is a monumental task. Quieting my mind is Sisyphus worthy. However, this is exactly why I am forcing myself to do it. Really, “forcing” isn’t exactly accurate. I’m excited to be embarking this adventure, truthfully. I’m all about bettering myself and creating the best version of myself every day. Since I’m not in competition with anyone, I simply seek to be better than I was yesterday. However, meditation is still hard, in a way. 

Recently, I’ve listened to several audiobooks (thank you, library) about meditation and manifestation, as in many ways there are overlaps with the methodology between the two concepts. I’ve listened to books about chanting meditations, spiritual meditations, secular meditation practices, and how to manifest one’s own destiny. Not only have I taken the pieces from each of these works that resonates with me, but I’ve discarded the parts that are at odds with my beliefs or ethics. 

For instance, I was listening to a book yesterday and the author prescribes a “diet” during what he describes as a spiritual cleanse. You are supposed to follow this diet while doing this particular regimen. The foods in this diet are limited in scope, for a purpose, according to the writer, however, I am a long-time vegetarian and vegan. He recommends eschewing vegan beliefs for the sake of the cleanse, to which I promptly said, “Not fucking happening”. I’m unapologetically vegan and no doctor is going to suggest that I’m more important than the life of the animals they are trying to get me to eat. Sorry, bro.

Because I subscribe to no dogmatic religious order, I can read and take lessons from all the sage philosophers throughout the ages. I get to glean lessons taught by Jesus, Gandhi, Buddha, Confucius, Copernicus, Plato, Einstein, and Galileo. Plus, anyone else that I see fit. I don’t have to follow a religion to find lessons in their teachings. Being a non-theist is awesome that way. I believe that there are lessons in all things, including my meditation practice. 

In many ways, I believe intense focus on a thing, whether it’s chanting, breathing, non-thinking, or whatever I’m choosing to use during that meditation session is a means to enlightenment and self-mastery. I also think that writing can be a form of meditation, as can walking, or skating, or dancing, and countless other avenues. The ways to enlightenment are vast. There simply cannot be just one method that is “right” for everyone. And even if there was, I’m positive that I could never do it that way. I just cannot find it in myself to do the things that everyone else are doing. It’s not who I am at my core. I’m not wired that way. And I think that’s something that many people struggle with during meditation. People are taught a way of doing it and are convinced that it’s the ONLY way. When it doesn’t work for them, or they struggle, they get down on themselves for not doing it “right”. I know that this was me not very long ago. But here’s the secret… the “right” way, is the way that works. If you find that doing something a certain way doesn’t feel right, do the thing differently. Find a way to do anything and everything that works for you. If it works for you, how can it be “wrong”? Right? 

In my old Buddhist temple, one of the discussion leaders was frequently saying to the group discussion participants, and I’m assuming it’s from a Buddhist text that I’ve not read (there are many), that there are 108,000 ways to become enlightened. Who’s to say there are not many more? Find the path that is designed for you, and if there isn’t one, forge your own. No matter what, don’t stop trying to find the things that work for you specifically. Do not bend to the will of others if it is unsustainable. It will leave you angry, weak, misshapen, and often-times, broken. Find your path and it will not be quite as hard to walk it. Meditation is something that I look forward to now, because I get to experiment with what will help me quiet my busy brain, and also deepen my soul’s connection with all things.

P.s. I wrote this yesterday, but forgot to email it to myself from my work computer. 😑

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