Tag: society

Loneliness is a public health crisis in the making

In an ever-connected, ever-monitored, ever-watchful world, people have never been so lonely.

There’s been some emerging bodies of research around isolation and loneliness, a stark reminder that we are social animals. This article summarizes some of the research being conducted, stating that the physical and mental effects of being chronically lonely can be devastating. I’ve been reading articles from various angles fairly recently, and the science is becoming quite clear, having a consistent support network of people that value you, is really important to not just our emotional health, but mental and physical health as well.

What’s more difficult, is that our physical support systems are shrinking, creating situations where our kids, partners, and few others are becoming our ONLY social circle outside of our jobs. Even a lot of employment situations are allowing more remote work, decreasing the number of other humans throughout the day, that we come into physical proximity of. I bring this up because having situations where your only social outlet is your partner, is not only unhealthy, but unsustainable.

It’s not uncommon to see couples as their only sources of human interaction, which means you spouse is now your best friend, your counselor, your housemate, your coparent, your accountant, and also your romantic partner. I know from experience that this is even more common if you have kids. My partner and I go to work, come home, parent, and then go to bed to start over tomorrow most days. Throw in a sick kiddo, shittons of homework, and after a couple weeks, you’re all fraying around the edges.

Last week I came home one day from work, only to realize that one of the kids was the second human I’d spoken to since I started my workday ten hours earlier. I was stressed out, frazzled, and having a hard time focusing. She caught on, because kids are incredibly intuitive, and asked if I was ok. I took pause and really thought about my day. I had a very demanding day at work, where I was quite focused and accomplishing several tasks, but I hadn’t talked to anyone save for a coworker I ran into in the break room.

Thankfully, given the nature of my work, these are rare days in which I speak to no one, but even after just a single day, I was experiencing the effects. Imagine not talking to anyone for several days in a row? No thank you.

The moral of this story is that we need people. We need support from our tribes, whomever they may be. Don’t think that you have to have a huge network of people, but rather a few quality individuals that are in your circle who CARE ABOUT YOU. Be that person for someone else, too. We all need it. Our physical and mental health will thank us later.

Thanks for reading.

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Wake Up

When I typed in “bed”, to search for a photo to go at the top of this entry, there were quite a few clocks similar to the one I chose above. It’s very strange that searching for a bed, I get a clock. However, it’s rather fitting, given the title.

Waking up, is quite literally the very first thing we do each day. Not “being awake”, as to many of us “awake” is a much different state than “waking up”. For a large portion of us, the thing letting us know that IT IS TIME, is often a loud thing in our ears. Whether it’s an alarm clock, a child, pet, or partner, something jolted us from asleep, to awake.

I, personally, take issue with this jolting part. I’m sure many others do too. However, unlike many people, at least in my life, I do not like snoozing. I typically, if left to my own devices, just get up when I wake up. Recently, my partner has been quite persuasive in encouraging me to remain in our warm, comfy bed a few minutes longer than I would otherwise. I silently think he’s using it to feel better about himself snoozing a bit extra, but don’t tell him I said that. ;)

In reality though, I tend to oversleep and wind up rushing, rather than allowing myself a few extra moments of relaxation before stepping out the front door. When you have a small child, spare minutes are really helpful. Especially since my kiddo is a sleeper. She will sleep 10 hours or more if I let her. Unfortunately, like her father, she’s also a night owl. I’m an early bird, so her bedtime is early, because she has school and I have work. Also, she takes forever to wake up more days than not. It’s annoying trying to coax a preschooler out of bed at 6am, without a major fight.

I know there are some kids like me, and you are all my people. I’ve never been a sleeper, not even during my partiest of party years. I was always on time for work, even after virtually or actually zero sleep the night(s) before. I wasn’t even a sleepy child. But I think the reasons for that are more anxiety related, and maybe they still are.

Which leads me to discuss the real topic of today’s blog. The sleeping habits of my family was merely a segue.

There’s a new culture about that’s gained popularity and a name. Woke. I’m by no means an expert on popular culture in any fashion, but I pay attention to things. Woke culture seems to be heavily intersecting with Call-out culture which has shone a light on a number of really great things, but I also think that they can be really damaging in certain contexts.

Trust me when I say that I’m an absolute advocate for human, animal, and environmental rights. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life as an activist, but part of me wonders, what happened exactly to letting others do their own thing, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else? I had a teacher in high school say that my rights as a person end at the tip of my nose, or that my rights do not extend to a place where yours are being infringed upon. So, who are people that are telling me that I’m wrong for doing X,Y, or Z, if it’s not affecting them in any way? I’m just over here, doing my thing.

If I’m over here being an asshole, I fully deserve to be called out, but if I have purple hair (which I do at 38 yrs old), who cares? If my partner and I have tattoos and have the nerve to swim in a public pool, who gives a shit? Why do people suddenly feel entitled to give me or him or anyone else flack for that?

The short answer: you don’t. Knock it off. End of discussion. Pretty simple. Stop it. The end.

But meanwhile there’s politicians trying to legislate women’s bodies, the rights of trans people, and profiteering from war and gun violence. There’s something seriously wrong with this. If you want to call anyone out, let’s call out our legislators. Call your congressmen and women. Get woke to real shit and let’s be working toward equality and rights for us all. Instead, there’s a bunch of infighting, bickering, and worse. Knock it off. Your rights end at the end of your nose. You don’t get to be in charge of anyone else’s body, mind, rights, etc. Stop it. End of discussion.

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Manifesting Destiny

background balance beach boulder
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

While listening to a book by Wayne Dyer, he said something to the effect of “There is nothing humans can dream, that they can’t conceive”.

Anyone who has taken 9th grade U.S. history knows that the United States was colonized based on a term coined “Manifest Destiny”. Simply put, god told some guys that they had to do it. They had to colonize from coast to coast, because it was their destiny.

Do I think that the universal creator (whomever that might be) gave the impetus to drive Westward, pillaging and destroying everything in their path, losing countless lives on all sides of the mandate? Not a chance. Do I think a pack of dudes got together and said, “out there is the great unknown and we think that it should be ours, no matter the costs”? Absolutely.

Now, what do these things have in common, since Wayne Dyer is the last person I’d think of when I consider forcible anything? Humans thought of a thing and made it happen. They created their destiny and created what they saw before them. These colonizers had zero idea of what they could expect to find, they had no clue how far away it was, or even IF the other coast really existed. They basically just went for it, sight unseen.

Manifestation is the same thing, at its core. We think of a thing, and work towards it, with nothing more than the picture we see in our heads of what it might be like. Then we create something to that effect, in our own reality.

I know there are infinite people out there preaching the gospel of “The Law of Attraction” and “Manifesting“. There are countless gurus for one to choose from, should you be interested in any of these kinds of things. I’m certainly not claiming to be one. But what I can say, is that I’ve moved mountains in my own life by believing that it’s possible, and busting ass toward whatever it was that I was looking to achieve. The key is to have faith that you can do a thing, that the thing is in your grasp, and that you’re laser focused on making that thing a reality in your life. Simple, right?

Not always. Manifesting requires a singular focus on a thing you want. Everything that you do, say, and think has to be toward that end. I’ve tried a whole bunch of techniques to hone my focus, and depending on the thing I’m working towards, sometimes the technique can change. Sometimes I meditate on the thing or use a gratitude list/journal. Other times, I post affirmations that remind me of the path I’m trying to stay on. Regardless of HOW you focus, the point is THAT you focus on the end goal, that you’re unwavering in the fact that it is already yours (it’s just not in your hands yet), and HOW you get there is not even remotely important. I know from my own experience, the path to attaining a goal is NEVER what I imagined it would be. It’s virtually never a straight line. There are course deviations, detours, and roadblocks along the way. Potholes abound. However, the trick, is never giving up and staying the course until the goals are realized in your life.

I’m still new to positive focus and “manifesting”, for lack of a better term. But I can say that looking back, I’ve had some really wonderful successes that I may not have realized were exactly the same as the techniques I’m learning along the journey. Is that to say I’m independently wealthy? Nope. Working my dream job? Uh uh. Have the 6-pack abs I’ve always dreamed of? Hardly. However, I am stronger, healthier, happier, and wealthier than I was six months ago. I’m also armed with the knowledge that I can be self-employed, that I can create something beautiful out of positively nothing, and I have the universe on my side with everything that I do.

By no means does that mean I’m on cloud 9. I still have real life to deal with. Not everything is roses. I have a lot of struggles, debt up to my eyeballs from a closed business, and all the daily bullshit of life (like traffic and preschool meltdowns). But HOW I SEE THEM, has changed drastically. I see all these things as lessons and methods of guiding me toward the path I’m seeking. I feel less stressed, more patient (though, I lose my patience often. I’m working on it), and generally more optimistic than I was previously. It’s good. And most importantly, I FEEL good. That’s what really matters, right? I feel good. Hopeful. Generous. Grateful. Challenged. And most of all, I feel love, all around me and within me, radiating out. Now, THAT, is what really matters.

Thanks for reading.

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The Art of Success

beach ocean sand sea
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

If anyone is familiar with the culture of daytime soap operas, you can appreciate “Like sand through an hourglass, these are The Days of Our Lives”. As someone who has watched sand be washed away by the sea for countless hours, I can appreciate the metaphor of sifting and shifting sand as a description of life. While an hourglass and the beach are vastly different arenas, the movement of these small pebbles is quite patterned.

Sand, whether wet or dry, moves in a seemingly haphazard way. However, it takes on different properties regardless. Nevertheless, it shifts, settles, and shifts again. Watching how it fills with sea water and rides the current is so simple, but equally entrancing. I can watch the sea forever and never tire of it. What is interesting, and the point of the featured photo for this blog post, is that you can ruin the beach, write your name in the sand, dig deep holes for water to invade and fill, you can build castles with moats, whatever you like. But the power of water in its simplicity but extreme force, will eventually dull the largest of mountains. This is always the way.

So how do we measure success in this ever shifting landscape around us? Is it money? Name recognition? Power? Longevity?

For me, it’s hard to determine what I view as “success”, simply because I don’t feel like I’ve truly achieved it. In infinite ways, I’ve reached success, but I never feel successful. I feel as though much of what I’ve accomplished is expected. I should not get a trophy for adulting. Kudos are reserves for those who’ve done something remarkable. I’ve merely played the game most of my life, and have done some things.

When I owned a marginally reputable business, it was reputable not because we were flush with cash. We were the only one of our kind in the area of the country where we were located. That’s basically it. I believe we achieved some really cool things, and looking back, I can say we did everything that I set out to do from the very beginning. But we exploded, and quick. With a force I never could have expected. And at the same time my personal life was imploding. Talk about timing.

Since then, I’ve sold virtually everything I own, packed up what was left of my dignity and moved across the country with my roommate and kiddo (plus all the companion animals anyone could ever want). We scraped and carved out a new life in the last few months that doesn’t even vaguely remember the previous one. But was I successful? What the hell was I trying to accomplish? Did I even come close?

I haven’t a clue.

What I can say is that I feel more at peace with myself. I feel more connected to the folks around me in meaningful ways (with the exception of some of my close friends at the old business). I am making more money now, than I ever did in our old city, doing basically the same things I was before I started a business. The financial consequences of a closed business still are looming, but I’m slowly chipping away at them, as time progresses. Does this make me successful? Does it make me a “coulda been”? Or even worse, does it make me a “has been”? These are the questions that roll around in my head while I’m battling insomnia, which thankfully, is not as much of as issue as it was in my previous life.

I think regardless of being successful or not, I am happy with this current incarnation of myself and my life. My kiddo is thriving in ways I never considered. Our roommate is advancing rapidly in her career, where her previous location was stifling her at every turn. I even have a partner who is doing better than he’s ever done in his career. We are all doing amazingly well, in short order. I truly believe that we all had to go through our darkest times, to appreciate the beautiful lives we’ve created recently. I am genuinely grateful that the universe forced me into making drastic, sweeping changes. Life, albeit incredibly difficult, is wonderful.

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How do you do anything?

close up photo of water drops
Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com on Pexels.com

I watched some TED talks this weekend, and there were some memorable quotes. One of which really resonated with me. “How you do anything is how you do everything”. Wow. That’s really deep, if you ask me. The depth of this statement goes on further to say, that if you plan to get up at a certain time, you don’t hit snooze. If you do, that’s a true reflection of how you live your life. It’s fundamental quality is that you cannot follow through, therefore you will be stuck in the same mindframe, until you decide otherwise.

Another TED talk mentioned that it takes the exact same amount of energy to get out of bed, as it does to do anything else in your life. You have to consciously decide that you will not hit snooze, will yourself to open your eyes, and put your feet on the floor, taking that first step towards the door. It’s all the same energy and strength. It takes the same determination and character. (Side note- who are these people that have such a struggle getting up in the morning? Seriously.)

What I took from these talks and a number of others is that we have to make conscious decisions on how we will interact with the world around us, and how we interact with ourselves. Living authentically, doing and saying things congruently, are of vital importance to your mind and spirit. It’s what makes us happy, by living our truth, and it sets the stage for what we will allow in our lives, positive or negative. If you want to get fit and not take the steps to do that, it’s all lip service with no action.

This is one I’m guilty of lately. I’ve been talking about getting a gym membership for weeks now, and I’ve yet to do it. I have been finding excuses and while some might be valid (not having the money to start up), others are less valid. For instance, not “having time”, or “it’s inconvenient today” are some of the excuses I’ve run around in my head lately. Yes, I’ve been busy with work and family, but there’s no reason I cannot spare an hour of my life, take the kiddo to the kids care area, and burn off some energy.  It’s just the story I’m telling myself, while I simultaneously lament that I’m “so out of shape”. I really am, however, going to hit the gym this week. It’s important for my health and mental well-being. I’ve procrastinated too long and I’m not screwing around with it anymore.

But that’s just it. How much happier would we be if we just lived our truths? I know the moment I stopped giving a shit about living the life that other people expected from me, I was infinitely happier, and it just keeps getting better. It’s important for us as humans to be authentic and to live and speak our truths. Living against our true nature will literally eat you from the inside, out. So many of us have anxiety, depression, physical ailments that are from stress. That’s not to discount chemical imbalances, by any means. But often, people harbor feelings we aren’t in a place that we can act on, or worse, feelings and creativity that we stuff down inside ourselves to live some other life. It’s crazy. I’m done doing it, are you?

Thanks for reading.

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