Today I’m grateful for flexibility. Remaining fluid in life allows a person the ability to sway in the wind, rather than to snap. This has been a challenging week once again, but not letting things get to me and just rolling with the punches has allowed me the ability to not murder people and to also be nicer to my family. I know last week I was kind of terrible to my husband and I’m trying to be better. He’s also been helping more so that I don’t feel under so much pressure. I’m thankful for this too. He loves me and is willing to help me keep my sanity. I like that about him, amongst other things. Being flexible has helped not just at work, but also at home. I could be freaking out because our baby was up 100 times again last night, but I know these times are fleeting and she will be grown before I know it. Instead, I roll with it and get back to sleep as soon as possible after she settles down again. I’m grateful that she usually settles down fairly quickly.
Day 29- Gratitude Project
Today I’m grateful for something most people would find strange, a chronic illness. When I was 25 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I’ve lived with this condition for a decade now and I can’t say it has been great. However, as I was thinking about the challenges this week, I realized that part of the challenge has been my fibro symptoms. As anyone with the condition knows, there are a variety of symptoms ranging from depression to widespread pain and fatigue. I’ve been experiencing all of these that I just mentioned. And of course, these things compound on each other. You’re depressed, so you have a bad day, so you’re more depressed, so you have a worse day, so you’re depressed further… It just never ends, until you make the conscious effort to end it.
Last night I had to apologize to my husband because I was just in a crappy mood, and snapped at him for not being a mind reader. I realized that the weather has been affecting my mood, as has my flare-up. It’s been compounding all week and even this morning I recognized that I’ve been just all around feeling terrible.
Since I was thinking about it this morning on my way into the office, I now recognize that I’m grateful for this condition and everything that comes along with it. The reason for this is that having Fibromyalgia forces me to A) be more in tune with my body and mind, B) reminds me that I need to take time for self-care regularly, and C) provides me the opportunity to acknowledge and be aware of how I interact with those around me. These things are constantly forcing me become a better version of myself and for that, I’m grateful.
I’m thankful for opportunities to improve myself, my mindset, and my attitude. To put a spotlight on areas that need improvement can sometimes be frustrating, as I do not always want to admit that I have shortcomings. But at the same time, it allows me the chance to be better. My perfectionism really likes “improving”, even if it is at the chagrin of my ego. I am grateful and embrace the chance to be better for myself, my family, and the world at large.
Day 28-Gratitude Project
For some reason, this would not post for me yesterday… so I’m posting it now.
Today I’m grateful for the fact that I work between two sites. They’re a few miles apart from one another, but I’m glad I had to go to the other site this morning. I’m grateful for the few minutes I was able to relax, regroup, and rock out in the car.
This morning was challenging. This week has really been tough in general. But today was enough for me to want to get in my car and drive away from my job and never come back. It’s not the job, and it’s not my boss. It’s one of the other managers that’s creating a hostile work environment. I used to love coming to my job. It’s challenging and fulfilling. I really enjoy my work and almost everyone who works here.
But this week has my wanderlust in a frenzy. When I get stressed out and upset, I want to go away from the problem. So, upon thinking about it and writing it out right now, I should be grateful to this manager for creating an environment in which I do not want to stay in. She’s motivating me to do something else. Now the question is what? No matter what it is, I want to do it for myself. I’m not interested in having a ‘boss’ any longer. Regardless, I’m grateful for the time away from my desk and the motivating to GTFO.
Day 20- Gratitude Project (halfway there!)
Gratitude is a funny thing. Either you can embrace it in its pure form, or you can resist it. I’ve been battling gratitude in certain situations recently, but I’ve decided that I need to embrace it more fully. So, I guess in a way, I’m grateful for the lessons that gratitude has shown me. For instance, I’ve been so overcome with gratitude and truly humbled since I started writing my thankfulness yet, I’ve been partially blind to other areas that I could embrace in my gratitude.
This culminates in the fact that I’m grateful for the women who have come before me. Their struggles have paved the way for many of the things that I take for granted. I am able to wear pants, for example. I can go in public without an escort, and I can vote, should I choose to. However, at the same time, I’m an idealist. I want things to be right; I want the world around me to be a just place, and I seem to be more and more disappointed at this lack of righteousness and justice. That doesn’t take away my gratitude, but I am also not choosing to shine a light on the parts of things that aren’t perfect, that I am grateful for. Please note that this will be my only “political” post during my gratitude project.
In the spirit of true gratitude, I am eternally grateful (while also incredibly sad) for Bernie Sanders and his unwavering commitment to public service. He has not faltered in his convictions or changed his ideals for anyone or any amount of money. He has not caved to the immense pressure in decades. It has likely strengthened his resolve. I would literally walk through fire if it ensured his presidency. I truly believe that he is the only politician worth my vote that has come along in my lifetime. I am truly grateful for his lifetime of challenging the status quo and his ability to unite people. I’m truly saddened and have been experiencing a period of mourning that he is not the Democratic Nominee.
However, I am also grateful for the fact that Hilary (although, I’m not a huge fan of her) has achieved something no other woman has in our country. I am grateful for her dedication to not wavering or allowing politics to remain “a man’s game”. She may not be the person I want, she has overcome many obstacles and has worked her way to this perch. That has not gone unnoticed by me, even though I have been upset about the results. She knows how to play the game and has achieved a lot. She cannot be bashed for that, not that I’m bashing anyone.
I’m grateful that we are able to have civil discourse, and that we have relatively free elections. There are things that could be better, and I wish they were, but I’m grateful that I do not live in another country in which I do not have these same freedoms. American is FAR from perfect for an idealist like me, but I am grateful that I live her compared to many other places.
I’m not sure what I will do in November, and I’m likely to take more time to decide. But I’m grateful for Bernie, and for what Hilary has achieved. Perhaps this is a start to more women being in politics and changing the face of American governance. We certainly cannot keep going this same path.
Day 19- Gratitude Project
Today, I’m thankful for writing. I love writing and have several projects going on that involve writing. When I was in college, I hated much of the writing and after many years of school, I all but lost my love for it. I really wanted nothing to do with writing and I felt lost for a very long time. I feel lost when I stray from my love of writing. I love thinking and expressing using the written word. I even love writing by hand, even though we do so little of it these days.
Writing also makes me feel better. Even if I’m not writing about what has got me down, the simple act of expression oneself soothes me. I don’t do nearly as much of it as I’d like, but I’m working on that. I someday aspire to do it for a living, though, I feel like it could dampen my gratitude for writing if I’m doing it for money. But I feel like I can still love it, if I’m doing the writing I want to do. Writing term papers sucks the love right out of me. But writing about observations, thoughts, feelings, joys, sorrows… THAT inspires me.
So I’m not just thankful for the act of writing, but the feelings I get from it, and after it. I am also grateful for the inspiration that sparks my desire to write. I’m thankful for the words in my head, aching to come out, like a composer orchestrating a symphony. I love words and their meanings. I used to read the dictionary as a kid. True story. And I strove to learn new words, and to use them whenever possible.
I will not likely author the next great novel, but someday I would like to write a memoir, about a previous life I once had. But in the meantime, I’ll write my memoir as it goes. Even though it is a far cry from what it was even just a few years ago, I have a blessed life and a desire to share not only my life experiences, but the words scrambling in my head about it.
