What the world needs

To put it mildly, there’s an awful lot of terrible shit going on in the world. It’s truly mind-boggling how the 24 hour news cycle, media sensationalism, political figures, war, famine, abuse, bigotry, and all of the misery throughout every corner of the planet is beamed into our every waking moment. Thanks to social media and cable news, it’s easier than ever to see destruction and get overwhelmed by these horrors. As a matter of fact, the abundance of these terrible tragedies is so ubiquitous, that it’s created a new condition called compassion fatigue. I call it apathy.

This new, collective apathetic nature of humanity is making it even harder as a society to stop these terrible events. To me, that’s the real tragedy. We feel hopeless and powerless, when in fact, we are nothing but powerful. We have just forgotten that we create the world around us. We have forgotten that WE ARE POWERFUL.

What the world needs now, is love. Love is the light it the darkness. Love and gratitude are the only things to save us all. We can all be free if love and gratitude are the baseline. I know it sounds trite and totally cliche, but I truly believe this to be true. I can tell you, that in my own daily life, when I lead with love and gratefulness, I am better and so are those that I come in contact with.

It’s easy to be angry and hateful. It really is. It’s easy to be pissed off about your life and all the shit surrounding it. But love, especially when things don’t go our way, is really fucking hard sometimes. I’m human just like the rest of you, and I get real mad about things. However, the minute I empathize and come from a place of love, I feel better. When I feel better, I behave better and think better. If I can feel better and do better, I can radiate love and feel lighter.

It’s that lightness I want to bring into the world around me. I want to be a beacon of light. A lighthouse for those lost in a dark sea. I want to guide those ships home. Home is where the light and love are. Without the light, there’s only darkness, and that’s where the collective seem to be. Honestly, that’s the real tragedy. We’ve lost our way, and we need to spot the light. We need to follow the bright spots and let them bring us home.

Home is where the heart is. Love can grow there, thus creating more love and light. We are capable of illuminating even the darkest of places with love. What the world needs now, more than ever, is each of us to become lighthouses in all the dark places.

No, that isn’t just some hippie nonsense. Each and every one of us has the power to create light around us. Instead of yelling at the asshole who cut you off in traffic, you can say that you hope he gets to work on time, or that he needed to get somewhere in a hurry, so it’s ok that one car got in front of you. Instead of lamenting your micromanaging boss, you can understand how they may feel inadequate and powerless in their position, and those feelings spill over sometimes. Instead of flirting with your cute coworker that has a partner, you can understand how yes, the attention is nice, but how would you feel if that were your partner flirting at work or school? Rather than being mad at your lazy kids for not cleaning up after themselves, you can recognize that children are under immense pressure at home and school, as well as their brains are still being formed and cognitive ability just isn’t there yet. We can all be the light. We can all be love and gratitude, we’ve just got to do it. That’s where I am. I vow to be a light creator, and a beacon of love and gratitude. Join me. Let’s create the world we want to see.

Thanks for reading.

Do you?

The last few days, I’ve been meditating prior to beginning my writing for the day. Today, I spent my morning tending to someone in pain, rather than officially meditating. That in a way, was meditative, to me. It gets me out of my own head, focused on another, with nothing but help and kindness on my brain. However, I’ve also been letting some ideas marinate outside of the meditative process, so that these ideas settle into my conscious mind. For instance, I’ve been listening to a couple of books, as I’ve previously mentioned, but I stopped earlier in the week, so that the concepts can sink in and become resonate in my conscious mind. My subconscious has it under control, I’m sure. But the slow part of my silly human head, that “rational” part… it takes time to “get it” quite regularly. Anyway, these ideas are slowly coming into their resting places in the old noodle.

Simultaneously today, I had a conversation with a couple of dear friends about 100% different things. One is a rather new friend, but he and his wife and I have a very deep friendship, bordering on family. The other is a lifelong friend, whom has been my partner in many adventures since we were teenagers. Both conversations were moving and shone of synchronicity to things I’m developing in my own personal life. Without giving out too many details of these interactions, I am simply grateful to be the caliber of person that those close to me seek advice from. I feel so honored and blessed that I can help people work through difficulties in their lives. It’s truly my life’s work to be in service of others, and to make the world a better place for everyone that inhabits it.

This is literally the reason I am not only a Buddhist, but also an animal advocate. It is my sincere wish that no being on this planet suffers, and while much suffering is unavoidable, I aim to inflict zero suffering on those I encounter. I do not kill animals for food, clothing, or otherwise. I do not kill insects. I am grateful for the plants that gave their “lives”, while not sentient, they are comprised of energy and I respect that force. By no means is this to say I’m better than anyone. Quite the contrary. I believe that I am no better, therefore, I have no right to take that which is not mine to take. Lives of sentient creatures are not mine. Beyond not willfully inflicting suffering, it is my mission to help those in need.

Too often in our society is it easy to get what is called “compassion fatigue”, and as an empathic person, I am continually overwhelmed by the sadness around me locally, and globally. However, I have always been taught to look for the helpers. In every tragedy, there are people doing good and that is how folks like me don’t lose all faith in humanity pretty much every single day. Instead, looking for those bright spots instills faith that all hope is not lost, and when there are no visible helpers, BECOME ONE. By taking up the mantle of HELPER, you empower other people to do the same. It is often uncomfortable and sometimes downright scary to be the helper, but it is so worth it in the end. Ripples become waves and we can change the world. We just must start with ourselves and work outward. In short, be the helper. Be the light. It can literally change the world.

With sincere gratitude, thank you for reading.

Some thoughts on gratitude

Grateful seems such a trite simplification of what it is that I feel these days. Upon searching for synonyms for the word, thankful, beholden, pleased, and indebted came across. Still, none of these feels like the right word… Appreciative, contented, happy, satisfied, charmed… that’s getting closer.

Regardless of the triviality of the words by which we are limited, I am indeed, overcome with deep gratitude for where things are in my life. Is daily life on this rock difficult? Sure thing. Do I get worn down by the daily grind? You betcha. Do I feel a constant stirring in my gut telling me that I’m on the right path, albeit restlessly? Absofuckinglutely. There is not a fiber of my being that is telling me I should be elsewhere, for maybe the first time in my life. I am currently creating the life I’ve always dreamed of, not necessarily where I thought I would, and certainly not with whom I ever thought possible. But that’s the fun of creating something you’ve never created before. The surprises. 

I am not one to be surprised by much, simply because I have seen and done many things that are stranger than fiction. However, once in a while, I am awestruck by the strangeness that my life has become. I have been driving to work in my car, and thought to myself, “How. The Hell. Did. I. Get. Here.” I say this to my partner several times a week, it seems. How did we get here? With all the twists and turns and shake-ups… we ended up here, in this space together. It’s very bizarre. But I am grateful. 

I’m overcome with gratitude when I pick up my daughter from my sister’s house every day after work. She comes running out the door, yelling “Mommy! Mommy! You’re back!” and I tell her, “Yes, baby. I will always come back for you.” Pure bliss is on her face, so excited to see me after a long day of playing with cousins she’s just recently met, and a loving family that have been too far away until we moved across the country for better opportunities. 

I am showered in gratitude, like waves in the ocean, the feeling of love and connectedness washes over me in these simple moments. Holding my kiddo, waking up with my partner, relaxing on the couch with the dogs and cats. All of these simple joys are what my soul has needed recently, after the months of anxiety and stress, the challenges I’ve recently had to face. After losing almost everything, I can only live in a place of love and gratitude. There’s no other place to inhabit. I have been blessed with exactly the life that I’m meant to have.

And by no means is this post meant to be braggadocious. Quite the opposite, actually. I firmly believe that if I am deserving of everything my heart has truly desired, a simple, beautiful life… it can be had be anyone. We ALL DESERVE to have a simple life, full of love, devotion, gratitude and grace. We just have to let it in, and let the bullshit wash off. Happiness is a choice. The Universe WANTS that for us. We just have to choose it. I choose happy every single day. You can too.

Love is a choice

Life, like love, is messy and complicated, difficult and flat out hard. We want it to be fun and exciting, but things bog us down, make us heavy. The trick to love, is to fight through that hard and find the things that are beautiful.

There have been times where I’m at my heaviest, and I see something so simple, a glimmer in time, and it makes me feel weightless for just a moment. It’s the breadcrumb that keeps me going. The trail leading me to the next bend in the pathway.

My life has been particularly heavy as of late, and it’s got no chance of lifting in the near future. I’ve been seething with anger at people who could have chosen love. I’ve been shattered by words and deeds, crushed by apathy and indifference. Everything has been flipped upside down.

However, just like love, hate is a choice. I can choose to be angry, sad, and destructive toward myself and others. But what good would come of it? My child would see a mother who is consumed by loathing and frustration. A mother set on destruction- destroying the ones who hurt her, and all the bonds for both sides.

I choose love. Through the fear and anger, the betrayal and malice. I choose love. Letting the anger consume me isn’t doing anyone any favors, especially my kid. I need to be a whole person, one who models the life I want to teach. I need to find the grace in what is otherwise a heartbreaking situation. For me, for my daughter.

Am I still hurt? Sure. Pissed off? Yup. But am I going to waste another moment of my life hating someone? Nobody got time for for that.

Ironically, the year of forced growth has put some important things into perspective for me. The last several years have been a bizarre re-enactment of a previous chapter in my life, but instead of playing the “me” role, I’m the other person. I see now, with glaring clarity what I did to completely derail and sabotage my own life back then. It’s taken much longer than I’d like to admit for me to come to that conclusion, but I got here.

Not only do I now recognize my shortcomings in great detail, but I perfectly understand how they felt during that time. I’ve been beating myself up for more than a decade, because I didn’t completely understand both sides of the equation. But here we are. Lesson learned. Because life is messy and complicated, it couldn’t be quite so easy to extricate from as the first time, since, it took me so fucking long to learn it. However, I’m here now in the right place. It feels terrible in every way. Lesson learned. And through it all, I choose love. It’s all I’ve got left.

Thanks for reading.

Photo credit: wordporn

Forced Growth

Recently I was reading about what’s in store for 2019, according to astrologers. Apparently, it’s not going to be “my year”, but rather a year of forced growth. When I read this, I laughed.

For many years I’ve said that the Universe, when you’re too thick skulled to learn certain lessons, despite repeated “opportunities” to learn, will in fact force your hand. The Universe is funny like that. You only get so many tries before it’s like, “ok, dummy, we are doing this my way”. I’m notoriously thick skulled sometimes.

I want to think the best of people. I want to think we are all on the same team, that our goals align, and that nobody is selfish. However, repeatedly, I’m proven wrong and forced to reevaluate. When I don’t figure out the lesson after GLARING examples, the Universe forces my hand. Forced. Growth.

I was searching the internet yesterday for a photo to use on this, and another blog. I knew that I wanted a lotus. Nothing says “forced growth” better than a flower that cannot grow, but from the murky waters below. No mud, no lotus.

Pretty much all plants are amazing in this way. They’re buried underground, and from the dirt, beauty and abundance take form. They face uncertainty, predators, adverse growing conditions, flooding, drought… everything should be against these tiny seeds, and yet, many of them survive and thrive. There are boat loads of casualties, but the standard is growth.

Nature WANTS plants to make it. So does the Universe. Just as in nature, the Universe WANTS us to be fruitful. Just as seeds, we are hardwired for survival.

So what lessons am I being forced to learn this year? Notafreakingclue. But I can say for sure, that if this year is anything like the last, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Truthfully, I’m still licking my wounds from 2018. The sting is still very real. But this train is full steam ahead. There’s no stopping it. How many metaphors can I mix? The world may never know.

It’s hard to grow. They say adversity “builds character”, but I’m kind of over this “build, burn, rebuild” cycle. I just want things to be easy for a change. Smooth. But as I keep trying to assure myself, the best is yet to come. However, the realist in me knows, as the Buddha described “life is suffering”. So to be without suffering, we are without life.

Thanks for reading.

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