Seriously? I can go all day and then one argument with my husband immediately makes me drop the F-Bomb.
Today marks the second day in a row this has happened, so, I’m still on day one. Again. And again. And again. It’s the absolute worst version of the movie Groundhog Day. I’m in my own personal pergatory.
Since I already said it today and I’m slated to start all over again tomorrow- fuck, this fucking sucks. There. I feel better. Goddammit.
Today was a huge change from yesterday. I feel more uplifted and positive about my ability to not only complete this challenge, but also change my mental outlook. I’m excited and feeling good.
That’s not to say today has been without frustrations or slight setbacks in my positivity, because having to deal with people in life pretty much ensures both of these things. However, I haven’t said the F-word (out loud, but I’m working on the running dialogue in my head next. Baby steps.), or even yelled at anyone while driving.
Granted, the day is not over yet and I still have a commute to run errands and home. I’m not being pessimistic, just realistic. I should be home in a few hours where I can relax and hang out with my family in relative F-word-free comfort. But until then, I’m feeling good about my progress!
Now, if I can get this Friday out the door, that’d be great!
This is going to take me a long time.
I have managed to go 5 hours (waking hours that is) without saying one or more of my “taboo” words. I knew this was going to be a challenge, which is why I chose the words I did, but seriously. People driving dangerously, arguing with my husband and frustration at work are a recipe for failure. I’m not sure that my words are what need to change, so much as everything around me at this point.
I know that is just my emotion speaking, but I already feel defeated. I’ve been an emotional rollercoaster today, and not being able to use my go-to words is not working out well for me. However, to my credit, just in writing this blog entry, I’ve chosen the intensity of my words more carefully. I already edited a couple words to make them more aligned with the true intensity of how I’m feeling and the reality of the situations. I feel like that is progress.
Speaking of intensity, I need to make an edit to one of my “negative” words. Instead of using overwhelmed as my replacement for stress, I’m going to use overstretched. I determined today that overwhelmed has about the same level of intensity for me and causes the same tight reaction in my body. Overstretched is a calmer word and elicits a lower vibration.
With that being said, tomorrow is another day. I’m going to start over tomorrow and do better. I’m going to try my best, because, let’s face it- I’m only human.
As I mentioned yesterday, I was embarking on a new project to happiness and self-improvement. Thanks to none other than Mr. Tony Robbins and his blog found HERE, as well as the audio book I checked out at the public library that I listened to in the car on my way to and from work. The audiobook inspired me to find the plan that he has laid out for the 10-day mental challenge. I loved the way that he framed it and I know I will find it valuable.
The goal is to replace negative thinking with positive and to bring down the intensity of negative situations/feelings, while INCREASING the intensity of the positive ones. However, the kicker is this: IF I MISSTEP, I MUST START ALL OVER. Yes, you read that right. I have to start over until I can go the whole 10 consecutive days without letting the negative creep up and into my vocabulary.
Not only that, but I’ve got to literally and figuratively replace the negative and intense feelings with the positive and intense feelings. So for the words I use to describe the negative, I’m going to replace them with something else, and with lower intensity. And for the positive words I use, I’m going to ramp up the intensity from a 4, to a 10.
Also as part of this, I’m taking it a step further: I’m going to stop saying the words in step 2. You read that correctly- I’m going to stop saying them today. Now. This is where the real challenge lies for me. I use the F-Word like a comma, but for 10 (let’s be real honest here… I’m going to be trying to complete this task a LOOOOOONG time) consecutive days, I’m going to stop it. I need to lower the intensity of my usual language for the negatives and increase the intensity for the good things.
Step 1: List the words I use most often to describe negative feelings:
-Worry- to be replaced with uncertain
-Pissed- to be replaced with frustrated
-Angry- to be replaced with bummed
-Stress- to be replaced with a little overwhelmed
Step 2: List 3 words that I regularly use to intensify these negative feelings:
-Fucking… as in, Fucking pissed or Fucking furious.
-Kill… as in, I’m going to kill the dog for eating my stuff or I’m going to kill the neighbor for being so annoying.
-Bullshit… as in this is BULLSHIT (followed by tirade)
Step 3: List 3 words that I regularly use to describe positive feelings/ situations:
-Fun- to be replaced with exciting
-Good- to be replaced with wonderful
-Happy- to be replaced by ecstatic
Step 4: Leverage:
My leverage is this blog and my bestie, she can be found HERE. She the only person I trust to kick me in the pants when I’m screwing up, but not also fight with when she calls me out.
The words, both positive and negative, will be written down and carried with me on the back of my phone so that I may refer back to them when I need them and so they are always nearby.
Wish me luck readers. I’m nervous but excited about this endeavor, and I can’t wait to share the results.
