Tag: work

Manifesting Destiny

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While listening to a book by Wayne Dyer, he said something to the effect of “There is nothing humans can dream, that they can’t conceive”.

Anyone who has taken 9th grade U.S. history knows that the United States was colonized based on a term coined “Manifest Destiny”. Simply put, god told some guys that they had to do it. They had to colonize from coast to coast, because it was their destiny.

Do I think that the universal creator (whomever that might be) gave the impetus to drive Westward, pillaging and destroying everything in their path, losing countless lives on all sides of the mandate? Not a chance. Do I think a pack of dudes got together and said, “out there is the great unknown and we think that it should be ours, no matter the costs”? Absolutely.

Now, what do these things have in common, since Wayne Dyer is the last person I’d think of when I consider forcible anything? Humans thought of a thing and made it happen. They created their destiny and created what they saw before them. These colonizers had zero idea of what they could expect to find, they had no clue how far away it was, or even IF the other coast really existed. They basically just went for it, sight unseen.

Manifestation is the same thing, at its core. We think of a thing, and work towards it, with nothing more than the picture we see in our heads of what it might be like. Then we create something to that effect, in our own reality.

I know there are infinite people out there preaching the gospel of “The Law of Attraction” and “Manifesting“. There are countless gurus for one to choose from, should you be interested in any of these kinds of things. I’m certainly not claiming to be one. But what I can say, is that I’ve moved mountains in my own life by believing that it’s possible, and busting ass toward whatever it was that I was looking to achieve. The key is to have faith that you can do a thing, that the thing is in your grasp, and that you’re laser focused on making that thing a reality in your life. Simple, right?

Not always. Manifesting requires a singular focus on a thing you want. Everything that you do, say, and think has to be toward that end. I’ve tried a whole bunch of techniques to hone my focus, and depending on the thing I’m working towards, sometimes the technique can change. Sometimes I meditate on the thing or use a gratitude list/journal. Other times, I post affirmations that remind me of the path I’m trying to stay on. Regardless of HOW you focus, the point is THAT you focus on the end goal, that you’re unwavering in the fact that it is already yours (it’s just not in your hands yet), and HOW you get there is not even remotely important. I know from my own experience, the path to attaining a goal is NEVER what I imagined it would be. It’s virtually never a straight line. There are course deviations, detours, and roadblocks along the way. Potholes abound. However, the trick, is never giving up and staying the course until the goals are realized in your life.

I’m still new to positive focus and “manifesting”, for lack of a better term. But I can say that looking back, I’ve had some really wonderful successes that I may not have realized were exactly the same as the techniques I’m learning along the journey. Is that to say I’m independently wealthy? Nope. Working my dream job? Uh uh. Have the 6-pack abs I’ve always dreamed of? Hardly. However, I am stronger, healthier, happier, and wealthier than I was six months ago. I’m also armed with the knowledge that I can be self-employed, that I can create something beautiful out of positively nothing, and I have the universe on my side with everything that I do.

By no means does that mean I’m on cloud 9. I still have real life to deal with. Not everything is roses. I have a lot of struggles, debt up to my eyeballs from a closed business, and all the daily bullshit of life (like traffic and preschool meltdowns). But HOW I SEE THEM, has changed drastically. I see all these things as lessons and methods of guiding me toward the path I’m seeking. I feel less stressed, more patient (though, I lose my patience often. I’m working on it), and generally more optimistic than I was previously. It’s good. And most importantly, I FEEL good. That’s what really matters, right? I feel good. Hopeful. Generous. Grateful. Challenged. And most of all, I feel love, all around me and within me, radiating out. Now, THAT, is what really matters.

Thanks for reading.

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The Art of Success

beach ocean sand sea
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If anyone is familiar with the culture of daytime soap operas, you can appreciate “Like sand through an hourglass, these are The Days of Our Lives”. As someone who has watched sand be washed away by the sea for countless hours, I can appreciate the metaphor of sifting and shifting sand as a description of life. While an hourglass and the beach are vastly different arenas, the movement of these small pebbles is quite patterned.

Sand, whether wet or dry, moves in a seemingly haphazard way. However, it takes on different properties regardless. Nevertheless, it shifts, settles, and shifts again. Watching how it fills with sea water and rides the current is so simple, but equally entrancing. I can watch the sea forever and never tire of it. What is interesting, and the point of the featured photo for this blog post, is that you can ruin the beach, write your name in the sand, dig deep holes for water to invade and fill, you can build castles with moats, whatever you like. But the power of water in its simplicity but extreme force, will eventually dull the largest of mountains. This is always the way.

So how do we measure success in this ever shifting landscape around us? Is it money? Name recognition? Power? Longevity?

For me, it’s hard to determine what I view as “success”, simply because I don’t feel like I’ve truly achieved it. In infinite ways, I’ve reached success, but I never feel successful. I feel as though much of what I’ve accomplished is expected. I should not get a trophy for adulting. Kudos are reserves for those who’ve done something remarkable. I’ve merely played the game most of my life, and have done some things.

When I owned a marginally reputable business, it was reputable not because we were flush with cash. We were the only one of our kind in the area of the country where we were located. That’s basically it. I believe we achieved some really cool things, and looking back, I can say we did everything that I set out to do from the very beginning. But we exploded, and quick. With a force I never could have expected. And at the same time my personal life was imploding. Talk about timing.

Since then, I’ve sold virtually everything I own, packed up what was left of my dignity and moved across the country with my roommate and kiddo (plus all the companion animals anyone could ever want). We scraped and carved out a new life in the last few months that doesn’t even vaguely remember the previous one. But was I successful? What the hell was I trying to accomplish? Did I even come close?

I haven’t a clue.

What I can say is that I feel more at peace with myself. I feel more connected to the folks around me in meaningful ways (with the exception of some of my close friends at the old business). I am making more money now, than I ever did in our old city, doing basically the same things I was before I started a business. The financial consequences of a closed business still are looming, but I’m slowly chipping away at them, as time progresses. Does this make me successful? Does it make me a “coulda been”? Or even worse, does it make me a “has been”? These are the questions that roll around in my head while I’m battling insomnia, which thankfully, is not as much of as issue as it was in my previous life.

I think regardless of being successful or not, I am happy with this current incarnation of myself and my life. My kiddo is thriving in ways I never considered. Our roommate is advancing rapidly in her career, where her previous location was stifling her at every turn. I even have a partner who is doing better than he’s ever done in his career. We are all doing amazingly well, in short order. I truly believe that we all had to go through our darkest times, to appreciate the beautiful lives we’ve created recently. I am genuinely grateful that the universe forced me into making drastic, sweeping changes. Life, albeit incredibly difficult, is wonderful.

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How do you do anything?

close up photo of water drops
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I watched some TED talks this weekend, and there were some memorable quotes. One of which really resonated with me. “How you do anything is how you do everything”. Wow. That’s really deep, if you ask me. The depth of this statement goes on further to say, that if you plan to get up at a certain time, you don’t hit snooze. If you do, that’s a true reflection of how you live your life. It’s fundamental quality is that you cannot follow through, therefore you will be stuck in the same mindframe, until you decide otherwise.

Another TED talk mentioned that it takes the exact same amount of energy to get out of bed, as it does to do anything else in your life. You have to consciously decide that you will not hit snooze, will yourself to open your eyes, and put your feet on the floor, taking that first step towards the door. It’s all the same energy and strength. It takes the same determination and character. (Side note- who are these people that have such a struggle getting up in the morning? Seriously.)

What I took from these talks and a number of others is that we have to make conscious decisions on how we will interact with the world around us, and how we interact with ourselves. Living authentically, doing and saying things congruently, are of vital importance to your mind and spirit. It’s what makes us happy, by living our truth, and it sets the stage for what we will allow in our lives, positive or negative. If you want to get fit and not take the steps to do that, it’s all lip service with no action.

This is one I’m guilty of lately. I’ve been talking about getting a gym membership for weeks now, and I’ve yet to do it. I have been finding excuses and while some might be valid (not having the money to start up), others are less valid. For instance, not “having time”, or “it’s inconvenient today” are some of the excuses I’ve run around in my head lately. Yes, I’ve been busy with work and family, but there’s no reason I cannot spare an hour of my life, take the kiddo to the kids care area, and burn off some energy.  It’s just the story I’m telling myself, while I simultaneously lament that I’m “so out of shape”. I really am, however, going to hit the gym this week. It’s important for my health and mental well-being. I’ve procrastinated too long and I’m not screwing around with it anymore.

But that’s just it. How much happier would we be if we just lived our truths? I know the moment I stopped giving a shit about living the life that other people expected from me, I was infinitely happier, and it just keeps getting better. It’s important for us as humans to be authentic and to live and speak our truths. Living against our true nature will literally eat you from the inside, out. So many of us have anxiety, depression, physical ailments that are from stress. That’s not to discount chemical imbalances, by any means. But often, people harbor feelings we aren’t in a place that we can act on, or worse, feelings and creativity that we stuff down inside ourselves to live some other life. It’s crazy. I’m done doing it, are you?

Thanks for reading.

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Racing rats

This week has effectively sidelined all best laid plans. I was working from home, which I cannot express my gratitude for the ability to do, so I was highly distracted and pulled in many directions. I felt like I was a piece of taffy being pulled, almost to the breaking point, in a few instances. My kiddo was demanding and couldn’t understand that I had a meeting with my boss over video. She was frustrating me to no end. Because I was home, she thought it was party time. The pets thought this, as well, it seems. On any given day, they spend several hours in their crates without issue, and yet, if I put them in there during an important virtual meeting with my global team, all hell breaks loose. If I were ever to have a remote job, I’d have to invest in an office outside the house, because juggling all these demanding creatures is for the birds.

So, as anyone that is following along can attest, I didn’t even come close to my writing goal this week. On one hand, I could be angry or frustrated with myself for not keeping up on a thing that I not only promised myself, but promised others. However, I know that life happens and sadly, I’m only a human, as I’ve mentioned in this blog countless times. I have to be able to give myself the grace to not achieve what I intend sometimes. I would not lambast a person close to me because they were busy with family and work obligations, and didn’t make time to write a blog for a few days. Would you?

Again, as I’ve mentioned, I’m going to create space for myself, as if I were a close friend or family member. Doing this, is exceptionally challenging when running the rat race.

For a brief moment, I got to leave the race, and run my own. There are parts of that I miss desperately. There are other parts of that scenario, in which I would never wish on my worst enemy. But overall, the experience was beautiful and stressful. The new race that I’m running is a familiar one in many ways. I’ve traveled this path before, and it’s predictable in it’s construction, despite the location being different. The challenge to this race is multifold. Dealing with people is often the most challenging part. Beyond dealing with the same people day in and day out in a confined space, is the work itself. Most of my daily activities revolve around the same two or three tasks, more or less repeating themselves for at least eight hours a day, five days a week. It’s truly exhausting to “look busy” when in fact, you’re bored to tears.

In my race, I have a hard and fast rule. If at the six month point of any position, I am not riveted by the work or exceptionally loyal to the people I work with, I cut the cord. There has to be a reason that I say past six months. Does this look great on a resume? Nope. It’s surely hurt my job search in the past. However, I am not going to be miserable for an indeterminate amount of time, simply to make my resume look good to someone I’ve never met, in the possible future. It’s not how I’m wired. My time and energy are too valuable. And I respect my employers more than just occupying space that is not a good fit. I respect their time and money, and want them to have someone who LOVES working there. If it’s not me, I’ve got to move on.

In our personal lives, how often do we endure things that do not serve us? How do we allow things to continue that are draining, exhausting, and leave us bored? How many times do we let emotional vampires suck our energy completely dry? This is why I cut it, when things no longer serve me. If I don’t have a reason to stay, I’m out.

Once upon a time, I thought this was weakness. I thought that I was a coward for bailing out on things that did not excite me. However, I realized that it takes an incredible amount of courage to not only make a rule, but to stick to it, without question. It’s also an investment in yourself, by appreciating your time, energy, attention, and emotional awareness. You have to understand your feelings to pin point all of these things. The rat race may still have to be ran, but we do have the power to decide how we run it.

Thanks for reading.

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The Train

railroad tracks in city
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The “trolley dilemma” is a well known theory posited by a philosopher in the 1960s, regarding impossible scenarios and moral or ethical conflict. To learn more about the history (which is fascinating, while macabre) check out this link HERE. In it’s essence, if you were a trolley conductor, would you divert the train from hitting 5 people, but still killing one on the other track?

Life, as I’ve discussed dozens of times before, is MESSY. We are frequently faced with impossible situations where “someone” doesn’t make it out. But what does one do in these situations? Some people say for the good of many, sacrifice one. Others stay the course, and still others, are totally paralyzed by the gravity of weighted choices with potentially negative outcomes. Death, of course, is the ultimate price and rarely are most of us faced with life or death situations. However, there are some real-world consequences for all of our choices, even if death isn’t immediately one of them.

Naturally, one of those kinds of hard choices, the impossible ones, with no good options, has recently reared its ugly head. The outcomes are unknowable, obviously, but the pain of MAKING the decision is uncomfortable and challenging. Since I’m only one of the parties having to make this decision, there’s also a certain level of guilt associated with it. Asking someone to make a hard decision is difficult in itself, but feeling like you’re crashing someone’s car, is another level entirely.

So back to the trolley/train. When faced with an impossible choice, what does one do? Morally, ethically, practically? As a Buddhist, how do you focus on compassion, and also not attach yourself to the outcome? Just these questions alone feel impossible. I can tell you for certain, that few things in life are easy, and those that are, typically aren’t worth it. But at the same time, it is my responsibility to inflict the least damage on those around me in the process. I have been the cause of so much destruction recently, and that doesn’t seem to be letting up right now. The effects of these choices will be long- standing and far- reaching, affecting a number of lives and that weighs heavy on my heart.

As I mentioned before, these issues that have come up are definitely nowhere near the level of death or injury, but there are emotional considerations that are significant. By no means are the things in my life any more important than that of anyone else, or meant to disparage anyone/anything. It’s difficult to be concerned about our own lives, especially with the weight of current events all around us. However, those things are out of my hands entirely. I can only control what I can control, and right now, this is it. I can control my words and actions, and that’s about it. Unfortunately, some of these words and actions haven’t been the greatest, nor ideally timed. But as I’ve also said many times, I’m a simple human and prone to making mistakes that I can learn from. Hopefully, I’m able to learn whatever lessons that accompany this life experience swiftly. And the first time, for a change.

Anyway, I hope that none of you reading this have to make no- win choices and those of you that are, know that you’re not alone. And finally, to one person specifically, I’m sorry this sucks. It sucks for me too.

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