Right livelihood and the Right Mindfulness update

I have to admit, I’ve been letting the blog fall by the wayside lately and again, I’m sorry for that. However, I have to say that I’ve not in any way lost sight of my project and my goals that I’ve set for myself. Just the opposite really. I’ve been incredibly focused on TCOB… taking care of business.

http://internetmedialabs.com/taking-care-of-business-mba-style/

Last month (I CANNOT believe it’s already December) was SUPER chaotic… one of the craziest this year by far. So many changes, good, bad and somewhere in between. However, this project has truly helped me follow the path that I want for myself, has allowed me to show gratitude, to help others in ways that I never could have thought possible, allowed me to grow and change, determine my boundaries and recognize my limitations. Spending a month listening to my inner voice near the end of this journey was incredibly smart of me, without even knowing it. Had I done it earlier in the year, there’s no way I would have gotten as much out of it. Having gone through everything this year has brought me to this point. I could not be more thankful. November was my time to think and to connect with my inner voice. While I’ve spent a very long time this year doing just that, this time, it was to acknowledge what I was truly feeling. It wasn’t difficult but it was necessary. I spent the month tuning in to my feelings about things and I learned a lot. I was able to see things with clear vision and to realize my boundaries in real time. THIS was incredibly important for November’s goals. Now, I can move on to my “final” set of goals…. Right Livelihood.

~Be stringent with your ethics but determine what’s really important
-Do your homework on potential employers
-Apply yourself to your future- now
-Get a career or get into grad school. Quit stalling.

So now what? Well, as you can read above, I need to figure out what I’m doing with myself. I am literally 3 weeks away from graduation and while I’ve been in college long enough to be a doctor, I’m finally finishing my Bachelor’s degree. I cannot tell you how incredibly stressful it is to be inches from the end and struggling like no other. I have had so much going on that school work hasn’t exactly been the top priority. Sadly, my grades are reflecting this. I’m not giving up without a fight and I’m certainly doing everything I can to ensure my success. However, standing on this cliff has made me realize that I need to figure out what to do now. I’ve never been this close, so I had time… now, notsomuch.

http://leehayward.com/blog/inner-circle-winners/

That’s not necessarily a bad thing though, since I am blessed to have a decent job and it’s pretty secure, unless I do something completely stupid and get myself fired, which is unlikely. I’ve also contacted a school about their graduate program and provided I pass this semester, I can actually go there. THAT would be amazing.

Anyway, that sort of explains the “quit stalling” part of my goals this month. I have a job and I have a plan for grad school so that I can be competitive in my field.

The overarching meaning to my goals this month is that I have to determine what is truly important to me and I’ve spent a very long time trying to figure that part out, but so far I have figured out that money is NOT that important. Yes, it makes living much, much easier, but it doesn’t rule my life like many people I know. I appreciate having money and I enjoy the things that money can buy, like food and shelter. But I don’t LIVE to make tons of cash. I live to make an impact on the world. It would also be nice to make a living out of that impact, don’t get me wrong. But I live simply enough to not need a super well paying job.

With that understanding that I don’t need massive amounts of money and I’ve centered my live in such a way that I can live within my means, I have to apply myself to whatever I do. As many of you know by now, that’s not exactly a problem, but career wise, that’s easier said than done. I have no clue how to apply myself to my future career… other than just doing it. I’m not sure that will work in this situation though. It’s going to take some finesse. The research part, I’ve got this… but since I’m staying where I am at this point in my career, it’s less about seeking new employment and about securing my position there and learning everything I possibly can that can help my future career. I need to find as much information and soak it up so that I may use that to my advantage in the future. Thankfully, I have that ability. Right place, right time in this aspect.

Another aspect of Livelihood that I hadn’t really anticipated though, since I wrote all these goals a year ago, was that my job is not my only source of living. The definition of livelihood is this: A means of securing the necessities of life.

What does that mean exactly? There are so many ways of looking at that… I mean, what do I consider necessities? Yes, there’s the usual food, shelter, clothes, air, water kind of stuff. But what else in this life do I need? I am always the person that will go without to make sure that other people have what they need. I have gone without things I need because bills had to be paid, pets needed to eat… you name it. I’m not saying that I’m some sort of saint because I’ve gone without my own necessities because of my overwhelming sense of obligation, or for sympathy… but simply as a point in my case that I really haven’t a clue what I need anymore, outside of the obvious ones.

I know that I don’t need t.v. or cable… tons of money or anything like that. But the things that I do need… no idea. This is going to be the hardest part of of my goals this month. Here goes nothing… or everything. Depending on how you look at it… :)

http://rachelself.com/The-Bare-Necessities

December 3, 2012 1

Right Mindfulness

Happy freaking November. Man, this month seriously just snuck up on me. Is snuck even a word? My computer thinks not, but whatever… it is now. :)
Anyway, September and October did exactly their jobs as far as creating adventure and allowing me to spend time with those I love, create lasting memories and just all around have wonderful adventures. Of course these things won’t stop now that I’m moving on to a new set of goals, as this exercise is cumulative.

So November is all about Right Mindfulness. Here’s the list:

~Look at the true meaning, not your own perception
~Listen to your body!
~What am I feeling, honestly?
~Where’s your head?
~Show appreciation

As a Buddhist, mindfulness is quite important to finding true meaning in all things, the true teachings of the Buddha and appreciating real life, in the present.

The goals are surrounding truth this month and being in tune with not only myself, but those around me as well. It’s important for me to be mindful not only to be aware of stuff… but to also be able to show gratitude and compassion for all those that grace my life. I am so fortunate to have wonderful people and animals that balance, complete and enhance this life I’m in. Showing gratitude takes time, effort and above all… understanding. It is critical for me in my quest for happiness to make others happier also.

Taking each of these goals one-by-one, here’s the meaning behind them:

~Listen to your body!- By this I mean that I want to be more in tune with myself, my needs and come to accept my limitations. I frequently forgo sleep, food, relaxation, and general fun in my life because I’m stressed, busy, and just plain distracted. I want to listen to my body and eat when I’m hungry, sleep more when I’m tired and take time to recharge more often.
~What am I feeling, honestly?- I often bury my feelings or cast them aside in hopes of avoiding conflict or brushing them off as “reactionary” and other things I’ve deemed negative. This isn’t exactly the healthiest thing for me, nor is it a successful key to happiness. I am sometimes prone to holding grudges and being hurt for reasons that other people are unaware of. Part of this goal is allowing myself to experience feelings when I’m feeling them and also having the courage to communicate those feelings to others.
~Where’s your head?- This is more figurative than it is literal, but I do sometimes forget even where my head is on occasion… simply because I’m a frazzled mess. But the true meaning of this goal is centering. I want to take more time in my daily life to center myself and experience inner peace. Much of this started with wanting to do yoga everyday, and while much of that has fallen by the wayside, I do still have a strong desire to do it everyday. Getting there just hasn’t been easy… But this goal is more of a mental yoga. Working to not get as stressed out and to find my focus.
~Show appreciation- The key to happiness of self is helping others attain happiness. I think that many people feel unappreciated, unloved, taken for granted and all around lonely in their personal lives. I want to help alleviate some of that negativity by showing my appreciation to those that I am around regularly. I want them to know that they are not taken for granted and that they are needed.

Here’s to a happy and healthy November everyone! Be mindful and give thanks. :)

November 9, 2012 0

Soul searching and meditative painting

The season is finally starting to wind down in Arizona and the nights are getting brisker. The heat of the days are getting below the 100s. I’ve been meaning to start the massive interior-painting-my-house project for months and I finally feel like the weather is cooperating. I’m able to open the doors and windows to vent the place out, though the paint I spent a small fortune on is ultra low odor, low/no VOC and thankfully doesn’t bother my allergies so much. Thanks to Home Depot for finally having options other than toxic. (Shameless plug for paint that won’t kill you as quickly) So, when I get home in the evenings, I’m able to do a little painting. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I figure if I do an hour or two every couple days, I won’t kill myself and it’ll get done without rushing. That’s a major concern. I want it to look good… If I rush through it, it’ll get done, but it’ll look like crap and it will not last very long. I don’t want to have to paint every surface of my house very often. It will be done slowly and correctly. :)

With all this OCD perfectionism, I’ve had a bit of time to think and search my brain and heart. I’ve also had a bit of time to read the last few days, though, my procrastination of homework has caused a little stress and panic. Fingers crossed for a good grade on this last lab report. It was not easy to focus on, let alone get completed. Note to self: STOP procrastinating when I have stuff due.

Anyway, there are a few things that I want to touch on in this post, first: painting is rather meditative. You are able to think and be introspective yet, incredibly focused and not realizing either. It’s all the more important to maintain focus when you have an antique hardwood floor to protect, but the attention to detail and immense concentration required… wow. Second: through this action of extreme mindfulness, it’s come to the surface that having control over my environment is incredibly important to me… I can imagine that it’s the same for others, but I’m only going to speak for myself here. Third: Money, while it doesn’t necessarily “buy happiness”, it sure buys the option.

Ok, so the meditative thing… as some of you might recall, I am not good at the meditation. It was one of my goals to find sources of meditation that were not sitting on a cushion listening to ambient music. I just cannot sit still long enough for all that. Instead I tried gardening (which hasn’t produced much but huge plants. Food? Not a scrap.). I’ve got a hobby or two that can be meditative, but it’s not been lately for other reasons that I won’t get into here. When I embarked on the painting idea, I thought only of the end result… sort of. I knew that it would take me a long time, because I’m essentially doing it myself and I also knew it wasn’t going to be easy, mostly due to the amount of time it would require. No, painting is not easy… it’s labor intensive and physically demanding. It’s not for the faint of heart. But I’ve done a whole house before, walls and ceiling. Those times though, I had consistent help and it wasn’t exactly THAT important that the job be great. A lease of only a year is sort of good like that. If it looks terrible, you don’t have to live with it long. However, home ownership has a different feel. I’m stuck with it if it sucks. Incentive to make it beautiful accepted. Just selecting the colors was a really long process. I couldn’t find a medium and dark grey that were both in the same color family that I liked. It took a long time, but I finally did it. Hell, these two colors are on the same paint card, let alone in the same color family. Anyway, so I’ve been listening to music and just taking a little bit of time as often as I can to get just bits and pieces done at a time. I’ve had a little help from someone who can reach my ceiling without a chair. For that help, I’m incredibly grateful. Plus I enjoy the company. Bonus. During this series of relatively short meditations, I’ve made a lot of internal progress. I’ve come to realize a few things not only about myself, but about what I want in my future. This has been incredibly valuable, since I’ve had the opportunity to also evaluate how I interact and gel with other people.

This leads me to my second thing, control. I have felt really out of control for many years and I guess I’ve learned to adapt to that feeling of chaos, so much in that I almost feel more comfortable in chaotic situations than otherwise. It’s partly due to the fact that I just cannot sit still, but this doesn’t help the fact that I’m to a stage in my life where I not only want, but feel like I need control over SOMETHING other than my personal body. Slowly but surely, I have been doing what I can to extract control out of my life, which in essence is uncontrollable. However, the painting project has helped me feel like I have control over my space, where I most certainly don’t, yet I feel like I have a bit of a say in what happens here. It’s quite a nice feeling. I cannot wait to see how beautiful my home is when it’s done… since I got to be the only voice in paint colors for the first time ever.

And this of course, leads me to my final point. I’ve always thought to myself that money wasn’t the key to happiness. In my experience, having money meant that I had no time. I prefer having time than money. However, I’m slightly reevaluating that thought too. At this point, I’m pretty much broke, but I’ve got enough money to get the general bills paid with a tiny amount left over. For a very long time, I didn’t have two nickles to rub together and on the flip side, I had more than enough money but no time to spend it. I prefer where I am. I get to do one or two small things to get out and have adventures, but I don’t have anything extravagant. That makes me happy in and of itself. Having a few simple things, like going to one concert a month (not big arena shows or anything, but small venues, indie bands or shows that are meaningful), going out to a nice dinner once in a while… these are simple things that produce a great deal of joy in my humble life. That’s what I mean by money giving you the option of happiness… and it’s not “happiness” in general that money buys. It’s more the experience that often requires a little cash. I’m blessed to also have a few good friends that like doing stuff that I can tag along to. This gets me out a little more than I plan for and helps me achieve the “adventures with those close to me” part of my goals right now.

I think, as my happiness project is creeping to it’s official end, I’ve realized more than anything that I am so fortunate. Not because I have a fancy house, a high paying job, a brand new car, tons of stuff…. because I truly have none of those things. I live in a modest house that I’m blessed to be paying for for the next 30 years, I have a high mileage used car that happens to be exactly the perfect car for me, which I’m also fortunate to be paying on for a while, a modest salary at a small business and virtually no personal possessions… I could not be more fortunate. I have a beautiful life that occasionally sucks ass, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

October 14, 2012 0

Right action Update! Sorta…

Even if you do nothing, you’re making a choice… even if you’re not acting, you’re causing reactions.

This has been a difficult concept for me to understand over the years, but more recently, I’ve come to truly understand the concept and have successfully applied it to my life. Too often we are not living the life we want, even if it’s something so simple as not spending enough time doing whatever it is we enjoy. But more often than not, we’re seemingly trapped into this rut of an existence that is doing nothing but fostering our ulcers and making us nuts. In my case, it’s prepping me for my future heart attack.

right-and-wrong-decisions — http://projectbebold.com/archives/1597

The goals for this seasonal transition from Summer to Fall are pretty direct and apply to my ability to live an authentic life, on my terms. It started with the major upheaval, but now all these smaller things are dwindling. The first and most important aspect of “right action” is really my ability to ASK for what I want with great honesty and compassion. I have to ask myself what I truly want. I have to ask others if they want to go along with what I want, since they’re in charge of themselves, of course. I don’t get to make decisions that affect others without at least asking…

Anyway, my ability to be self aware is imperative. Almost more importantly though, is for me to be honest with others. I think self-honesty is much easier than asking those around me for anything… let alone showing them that I am vulnerable. Showing your belly is tough when you keep getting punched in it. But I keep harping on other people to be brutally honest, to be vulnerable… and here I am struggling with it. It’s so much easier to tell others what to do… yet very hard to take your own advice.

Surprisingly, I’ve also been struggling with this whole concept of “having fun”. I mean, it’s not HARD exactly, but giving myself permission to not constantly be working or focusing on something is. However, I’ve been fortunate enough to have great people in my life that remind me that all work and no play makes me a dull girl. Nobody likes that. By the same token, I am having the hardest time focusing on school. I am just so over it… meanwhile I’m talking about grad school; more on that another time.

heavy sigh — http://twbowes.blogspot.com/2011/02/right-attitude-and-right-action.html

In typical “me” form, I’m not struggling really at all in the generosity part of things, except in one instance. But that isn’t because I don’t want to be generous; I have demonstrated my extreme ability to give in this case… It just conflicts directly with my present and future goals to continue to be generous here. I think by continuing to give, I’m not only doing myself a disservice by not living my life the way I want to, but I’m also doing the parties involved a disservice too. This is where that honesty thing and generosity must strike some sort of balance. Sadly, it’s easier said than done.

Considering all this and more that is happening in my life at the current moment, I feel happier than I have in a very long time. I know that I am slowly building my ideal life and with that comes ideal happiness. This is not to say that things are or will ever be “perfect”, because I can assure you, they’re not and they never will be. I have and will continue to struggle, grow and change. There will always be adversity and things that I must overcome throughout my life. But I feel as if I’m better able to cope with adversity and face these challenges without as much fear and with more knowhow about what I can handle. I have come to understand that people are able to overcome MUCH more than they give themselves credit for. I have seen it in myself and in others. Humans are incredibly resilient creatures and each of us has amazing power to persevere.

Now, if I could just make a decision out of a wet paper bag, everything would work itself out. Until then… there’s more to learn.

Until next time kids!

41500264_mrhappy — http://beginningdharma.wordpress.com/2011/01/29/eightfold-path-right-action/

October 3, 2012 0

The other F-word.

I know, I know… I’ve been slacking on writing the last couple weeks. I’m sorry… I will not bore you all with my excuses, but I will say that I promise to get back into a more regular schedule. I’ve just been distracted.

Anyway, so the other F-word… it’s got 4 letters and it’s probably more damaging than the one we all naturally think of… it’s fear. FEAR is the “other F-word” and truthfully, considering the damage that it does to people’s lives, mine included, it should be the first F-word, not the “other”.

http://gigaom.com/collaboration/8-reasons-not-to-fear-social-media/stock-fear/

In recent weeks I’ve been grappling with a lot of fear. There is a great deal of uncertainty surrounding several aspects of my life and a couple “surprises” have come up to complicate matters even more. I have several opportunities glaring me in the face, career moves, educational opportunities, potential relationships and yet… I feel literally paralyzed when I think of having to make a choice. That’s fear. I’m afraid of making the wrong move. Since I’ve made so many stupid ones over the years, I just can’t make a move. By not making a choice, I’m still making a choice. In my head, I know that this is fear and that it’s keeping me in a submission hold to a life that doesn’t exist or feelings/thoughts that are totally nuts. But fear is one of the most powerful feelings that we feel as humans, or any animal really. It’s a universal feeling, this thing we call fear, amongst all animals. We are just aware of it outside the realm of basic survival.

There are times where it’s appropriate to hide out in our bunkers, but if we never see the light of day we can never experience all that life has to offer. My problem with this is that life has been kicking me in the teeth over the last several years and I’m just not sure I can stand up anymore. However, when I see those close to me being afraid of things that seem so obvious to me, or over nothing at all… I just want to shake them until they snap out of it. But it dawned on me recently… I’m that guy to most of the people who know my inner workings. I’m 100% certain they want to kick my ass and rightly so. There are much more difficult decisions and definitely more important things for me to be worrying about than some of the topics I cannot seem to let go of. Yet, all the while, I struggle. It’s incredibly frustrating…

http://think9ja.wordpress.com/2012/04/08/im-not-afraid/

I’m currently reading a book on self-compassion and it’s appropriate for my current mind state. Learning to be kind to yourself without judgment, using comforting thoughts and words toward not only others in times of struggle, but also for yourself. It’s fairly counter intuitive to Westerners, simply because we value heard work and diligence so greatly… but you can have those things and also be compassionate to yourself, apparently. I’m still in the very preliminary learning stages of how to accomplish such things… but I’m doing my best. That, to me, is what matters.

In the meantime, I’m also doing things that I find enjoyable and spending time with people that I value in my life. I am doing everything I can do to forgo a few hours of sleep to do fun things. I recently went to a concert and I’ve had several dinners and drinks with some of my favorite people. Meanwhile, I’m trying to get focused about school and getting back into the rhythm of the semester. That, sadly, is easier said than done.

There are more good things on the horizon. I can feel it. :)

litany-of-fear — http://www.mailandfemail.com/?p=1349

September 19, 2012 2

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