Writing

Not swearing is HARD

This month is dedicated to watching what I say and how I say it. I’ve been doing my best to be aware of my words and awareness brings about change, if you ask me. But, let me just say this right now… not swearing is much harder than I thought it would be.

I’m not the kind of person who F-bombs all day or anything, but I will use explicatives for emphasis. And considering some of the people that I associate with, not doing that is rather difficult. It’s along the lines of asking a sailor to stop cussing, as the saying goes.

Anyway, until now, I didn’t particularly pay attention, unless I was in mixed company, to the word choices I used. Now, with my new found awareness… I find that my words have lost their emphasis, I suppose. For instance, when I get really fired up about something or excited… my words are lacking that added measure of disgust/elation.

Truth be told, I need to expand my vocabulary. I think that’s really all this means. So as a side goal, I’m going to have to find words that are suitable replacements for common phrases that are less offensive. At work I say “shizzle” in place of a word or two and instead of holy hell, simply because I find it funny, I say “holy halibut”. But I was watching a weed control commercial and one of the lines when the homeowner saw his grass had all died said “What the front yard?!” and I find this very funny. I’ve not had a place to use it yet, but I will. Rest assured.

Anyway, if you have any good swearing substitutes, or just really great vocabulary words that I can use in everyday speaking, please share them. I’m interested in finding other things to say. Thanks for reading!

(http://www.buyolympia.com/q/Item=tm-explicative-checkbook)

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Ben Franklin was a wise guy, not to be confused with a wiseguy

From Ben Franklin’s Moral Chart- “SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”

From Ben Franklin’s Action-Inducing Lessons- “Energy and persistence conquer all things.”

So, what can we say about the amazing Ben Franklin? Aside from his affinity of making lists and inventing some amazing stuff, he was also very wise. While it’s rumored that he didn’t exactly follow his own advice, particularly when it came to women and booze, he worked towards ambitious and wholesome goals. Now you ask, how could this possibly have anything to do with my goals pertaining to “Right Speech“? Well, it’s funny you should ask… :)

Basically I went to my good friend’s graduation ceremony today (way to go Danielle!) it occurred to me that people are rude. Get a bunch of people in a very large room together and you’ll notice this more often than not. But the above quotes pertain directly to what I witnessed in that large room. People were chatting idly while the graduates, whom they didn’t know, were gracing the stage. When they did know a particular person, they were screaming and clapping wildly. I even saw people walking out after their grad walked the stage. Not only that, cell phones and inappropriate attire were EVERYWHERE. Now, I’m certainly no saint when it comes to dressing up at occasions or using my phone at the wrong time… I guess when it’s in public, I’m typically on my best behavior. While this pertains exactly to the portion of my list of goals that “people are not perfect”, people seem to just not give a crap unless it affects them directly. That, to me, is rude as hell. I want to believe that other people are not jerks. Constantly, I’m being proved incredibly wrong.

What I learned from today’s adventure in mixed company is that 1) Rude people are everywhere and it’s best to just ignore them before I blow a gasket, 2) You often don’t get a choice in life as to the kinds of people you are forced to be near, like at graduations, and families are included in this. Occasions such as weddings, birthdays and graduations are not necessarily for THAT person, it’s mainly for the friends and families of THAT person to celebrate the occasion. Which is often why people who suck are invited to those things and you and every other guest are forced to be in the same room with those people. 3) I am often one of the more sensibly dressed at special occasions. (Point in case: my grandfather’s funeral. My brother and I were among the best dressed and he was wearing tennis shoes. You can imagine the rest of the clan.) Today was an onslaught of flip-flops, white tank tops, shorts and dresses that were WAY TOO revealing, short, tight or all 3. I was embarrassed for them. And finally the 4th thing I realized from this experience: my graduation in December will be no different and my family is likely to be a participant in something others find objectionable. More than likely, it’ll be my brother F-bombing or insulting someone. :)

Then it dawned on me… As annoying as those people were as I was in the audience, people are people and we just have to not be so critical and keep our judging to ourselves. I regret commenting to my friend’s family about how some other audience members were dressed or behaving. It’s not my place to say anything about them. So for that test, I fail. But now I know… and in the words of GI Joe, “knowing is half the battle”.

(Above picture from: http://voiceseducation.org/category/tag/benjamin-franklin)

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May and June Goals! Look out!

Here they are:
Interpersonal skills (overall goal)
~ Right Speech (more focused goal)
Bite your tongue and never say things that you cannot truly take back
Fight right: in words, thoughts and deeds
Pure and beautiful words: eliminate harsh language
Nobody’s perfect, express positivity in words often: show leniency and positivity
Abstain from idle chatter and gossip: I mean it.

Well, here we are again, the start of a new set of goals in the happiness quest. The above goals, upon reading them again to put them in this post, seem a little like I’m a jerk. I want to slightly clarify, in my own defense. Since, those that truly know me know, yes I can be blunt and direct, but I’ll also be your biggest fan and supporter, no matter what.

However, I also have a very short temper in certain situations… like in arguments. It’s not that I’m malicious or anything on purpose, I just want the fight to be over NOW, by any means necessary. And once I cross over the “too much drama/stress” line, all bets are off. I know that this is incredibly unhealthy for not just myself, but those I’m close to. It ends up dragging out the argument much longer and makes it significantly worse for both parties. So, instead of this, I’m going to start fighting right all the way from my thoughts to what comes out of my mouth, to even my body language. I am too old and too tired of playing baby games. I need to start acting and fighting like a rational, mature person.

The goal of “pure and beautiful words” is a Buddhist principle that, after working in a warehouse, has essentially made impossible for me to adhere to. In short, it means no cussing. I’m not typically someone who swears a lot, but when I’m with friends I let the F-bombs fly. I’ve decided that it not only makes me look stupid, it makes me feel childish and unintelligent. I have a pretty extensive vocabulary, I’m sure that I can find OTHER words to express myself.

I hold myself to an often insane and unattainable standard and I’m prone to holding others to those standards as well. I need to knock it off. It’s not fair to other people that I hold them to these standards nor is it my place to be upset with them for being human. Because of these standards I impose on people, I tend to be critical of them and because I’m also a “fixer” (by which I feel compelled to fix everything or make suggestions as to how one can fix it), I come off harsh and often bossy. I don’t want people to think I’m being critical, judging them or bossing them around. I’m just a perfectionist. However, I need to keep that crap to myself. I think others find it annoying.

Finally, I’m going to stop gossiping. I’ve been thinking about this particular goal quite a bit in the last few weeks because I knew it was coming up. I was just making a mental note of times where I gossip or just say things about people that I probably shouldn’t share. So, I’m fairly sure this goal may be one of the hardest to retrain myself in, but I’m recognizing that I need to be less of a chatterbox.

Anyway, there you have it folks! My goals for the next two months. What goals have you set out for yourselves? Are they anything like mine? Feel free to share them in the comments section. :)

(http://blogs.villagevoice.com/dailymusto/2011/07/gossip_gossip_g.php) -credit for above picture

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Maybe this weight is a gift…

It’s funny how my mp3 player sometimes knows exactly how I’m feeling. During those times, songs play that are 100% perfect.

Lately, I’ve been struggling to feel positive about things as they are. I’m struggling with one class, so much so that it’s unlikely I’ll pass. That, in and of itself is frustrating, but having to take it again… even more so. Generally, I’m keeping it positive but there are issues with not having a job (though, it does free up some time to blog and study for finals, clean the house) and a sick dog doesn’t exactly help out finances any. But THIS SONG from Nada Surf reminds me that A) it’s not so bad and B) and maybe all these struggles I’ve been experiencing is just the stress before profound growth and that maybe there’s a lesson in all this.

“Do It Again”

Well I’d snap to attention
If I thought that you knew the way
I’d open my mouth
If I had something smart to say
I bought a stack of books
I didn’t read a thing
It’s like I’m sitting here
Waiting for birds to sing
Let’s do it again
Come on let’s do it again
Please let’s do it again
The hum of the clock
Is a far-away place
The azalea air holding your face
You’re lying down
And the moon is sideways
From the hot to the cold
It never gets old
I spend all my energy
Staying upright
And I like the masking noise quiet
Of your breathing nearby
I want you lazy science
I want some peace
Are you the future?
Show me the keys
When I accelerate
I remember why it’s good to be alive
Like a twenty-five cent game
Maybe this weight was a gift
Like I had to see what I could lift
I spend all my energy
Walking upright
Thanks to Erdbeerpraline for adding these lyrics.

(http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/nadasurf/doitagain.html)

 

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Right View- Update

For March and April my goals were as follows:

Life is suffering, strive to eliminate it for those around you in ways that matter to them, not yourself
End toxic relationships for good
Cultivate wholesome relationships with like-minded people: find more vegans
Avoid attachments to unnecessary or unwholesome things: stop watching reality tv
What goes in is what comes out: go organic and/or grow it yourself

Since April is coming to a close, I figured that I should take a minute to take stock of how I’m doing with these goals. Let’s take the first one, for example. Yes, my thinking is changing about what it takes to help others and what I can do to be more effective at it. But there’s a sort of hidden meaning with this one. I want to, in addition to helping those around me, also concentrate on not beating myself up because I’m not able to help them in ways that I want to. So, my friend calls and is upset about something, I want to fix it… but really what she needs is a good listener. I feel like I’m not helping at all, but she ultimately feels better. I feel guilty because I didn’t “help her” in a way that I felt she needed. This is something I’ve been working on and there’s not really a defined measurement of success, but I know that just by being here, I’m doing all I can in some cases and that should be good enough.

Ending toxic relationships: this one is a little tricky. I want to end a few relationships with people that have exceeded their usefulness and have become toxic. I really do. But it’s hard to tell someone you rarely speak to that you want to continue to stop speaking to them. In this case, I’m just letting sleeping dogs lie, as it were. I don’t think it’s worth the stress or explanation to have to contact a person to tell them you don’t want to talk to them. I have weeded out my social media sites almost entirely of people that I’m not truly friends with or that are more stress than I can handle. Woo! Small victory!

Cultivating relationships with people is rather difficult when you’re insulating yourself and nesting. It’s hard to meet people, go out and be with friends etc when all I want to do is organize the house and work on the garden. This one is going to be a work in progress i think, but I’ve already set out the feelers and have been networking with people in my field of work. THAT might pose to be more “useful” than having friends at this point.

Unwholesome attachments are something I’m pretty good at severing, I’ve decided. Yes, I spend some time on the couch watching the tube with my honey, however, lately… it’s been “reality” shows of a different kind… home improvement shows! I could literally watch home and garden shows all day. This is sort of my new obsession, mainly because there are so many interesting ideas and new things that have come out to make my home not only functional (which is a MUST) but also really beautiful. I cannot wait to put some of these ideas in motion. It’s going to be epic!

Finally, of course, the garden. Aside from having to outsmart a small pack of animals (our dogs and the neighborhood cat population), it’s slow at best. I’m not sure if it’s the weather, the seeds we started with or what… but the garden is appearing to be a constant work in progress. Chalk one up for us though. We caged it so it’s no longer a litter box. :)

Anyway, look for more updates in the next few days as I prepare for next month and the subsequent goals!

(Calgary Buddhist Temple http://www.calgary-buddhist.ab.ca/statue.htm)

 

 

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