Tag: Happiness Project

40 days of gratitude

The theme of this blog has been evolving ever since I began typing that first blog several years ago. I was searching for meaningful ways to bring more happiness into my daily life. I was in the midst of college and in a dark place in my personal relationships. I was not living authentically or really living at all. I was just grinding it out, day in and day out; existing simply to finish my then goal of graduating college. I was on the back end of personal tragedy and heartbreak, in the middle of a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, and getting ready to step off a cliff into the unknown. There were so many forces at work and I had to focus on the positive. I’m nowhere near where I was, but I’m not yet to where I want to be. I am evolving, and so is this blog.

So I recently asked myself the following:

What is it with 40 days/ 6 weeks? Lent is 40 days; maternity leave is about 6 weeks after the baby is born for those that get it. Why are these numbers or timeframes so engrained in our past and present lives? I don’t have these answers, but I’ve been inspired.

I was reading a book that I was meaning to read for a long time. It was on my Amazon wishlist for a few years, and I finally received it for my birthday, I think. I didn’t read it right away for some reason, but I’m glad that I did. Reading books has gotten harder since having a little one at home. She takes up 99% of my spare waking time that I’m not at work. The other 1% is cleaning. Anyway, the premise of the book Life is a Verb, is that 37 days (which is very close to 40) can transform your life. There are a series of stories and activities to do at the end of each one for 37 days. Each of these activities are designed by the author (whom I seem to feel is a kindred spirit from her stories and experiences) to help you live the life you want. Living the life I want, spending more time with my family, working smarter-not-harder, and being in the employ of myself are my main goals, but living a more grateful and joyful life have been my “small” goals for many years.

Those of you who’ve been following this blog for any length of time know that I’ve been studying and seeking greater happiness for a long time. I’ve had moments of elation that I cannot compare to anything else in this life, but I’ve also experienced some of the most devastating despair and loss that I’ve ever had in my 35 years on this earth. Of course, I’ve felt everything in between and surely will over and over again as I grow older. I hope that the feelings of happiness will be greater than those of unhappiness, of course, as we all do. So by focusing on what I want, instead of what I don’t want, I plan to cultivate just that.

So in the spirit of change, transformation, and happiness, I’m going to focus on gratitude. There have been countless studies and interviews indicating that the more a person is grateful, the happier they are throughout the course of their lives, and also exhibit more satisfaction with their lives in general. I’d like to practice more gratitude, because while I’m extremely grateful for all of the things in my life, I feel like if I can bring intention and magnify the things in which I am grateful, more of these things will grace my daily life.

I have decided that I want to challenge myself to not only be grateful, especially amidst stress and fatigue, but I also want to challenge my personal dedication to writing. I love writing but find that I make excuses not to do it, mostly evolving from not having enough time. Because of this, I want to focus on just a few minutes of writing each day to express my gratitude. Gradually, or at least periodically, I’m sure my entries will be long, but I’m guessing that most of them will be short. Probably very short. But the goal is to do it. Starting tomorrow, I’ve set an alarm to ensure that I simply don’t forget to write. It is my intention to bring attention to this particular goal for just a few minutes every day.

So stay tuned! And wish me luck. I’ll likely need it.

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The rocky road

First let me say, wow, it’s been a long time. I knew it had been a while, but until I just logged in, I had no idea just how long it’s been since I’ve posted here. As we all know, life happens. I’ve been meaning to post, but I just never have carved out the time to do so on this page. I’ve been focusing on other things, like my other page: PostPunkPartum which is dedicated to my adventures in parenthood. I’ve also started working on a new business venture with my bestie. Anyone that has ever worked for themselves can attest, it’s not easy and is extremely time consuming.

Anyway, these things have been happening, in addition to being a wife and mother, which are full time jobs- after my full time job. This is actually kind of  the topic of today’s blog. The path to happiness is a rocky road, filled with potholes, detours, construction, the widening or narrowing of lanes, and flat out dead ends. These are all things that I’ve been experiencing over the last several months with my little family, and my whole earth family (more on that in a another blog post).

On this road it’s hard to navigate sometimes because we don’t know what’s up ahead. We know certainly that the road around the bend is uncertain and there’s little we can do to prepare for that stretch of road, until we are coming upon it. We often times will have to drive cautiously and we may have to swerve because there’s a fallen tree that was previously out of our sight. But that’s what we do to survive, right? We react to the road ahead and do the best we can to avoid obstacles and pitfalls. Life is basically this metaphor for the entirety of the journey, in my opinion.

So, my question to this metaphor and the potential dangers in front of me is how do we maintain happiness through all of this uncertainty? Many people fear nothing but the unknown. For example, a friend of mine HATES what her job has become and spends a lot of time searching classified ads seeking new employment. However, at the very same time, she doesn’t take the steps necessary to put herself in a marketable position or to leap at all. She’s comfortable in her rut and has no desire to change herself, but she will be forced to if her company begins downsizing, as is the rumor. She could be using this time to learn a new skill or program, to better set herself up for the future; she could do a lot of things. But what is really holding her back is the fact that she doesn’t like change and she’s completely fearful of the unknown. She’s been doing her job for the better part of a decade and after that long, I’d likely be afraid too.

So how do we let go of this fear? What ways can we let go of the rut and actually take steps to change, instead of letting the universe take action for us? I’ve said it for many years that if we do not make the changes the universe (or god, the great spirit, etc) wants from us, the universe will force our hand and make the changes whether or not we like them. And from experience, we often do not like them. I’ve personally been on the receiving end of some shitty situations because I couldn’t make choices or changes fast enough and the universe forced me to adapt. Real quick. I think these changes are my least favorite. Since I’ve been on the wrong end of some universal/ karmic changes, I know better for the most part. I try to be as aware as possible of those “stirrings”, and I’ve definitely honed my “spidey sense” when it comes to change.

For instance, I’m pretty keyed in on my downsizing timeline. I know that my days are limited at my current job, which is why I’ve been actively searching for things that suit my needs and wants better. I knew taking this position that I was not long for it. It’s not what I want to do and the money/ working environment are not what I need, not to mention, I’m becoming obsolete. My supervisors are not telling us this, of course, because they still need us for the time being. It’s not a good feeling to know that you’re working yourself out of a job, even though I should be used to it. This has happened to me more than once. The fear part comes in because many of the options I have available to me, until my business gets off the ground, are simply either entirely too much for me to want to do, or not enough for us to survive. It’s pretty much a catch 22. I’m under-qualified to move up or over-qualified for what I’m good at/can be hired to do. However, I also know that by being open to the universe and the changes that are possible, the fear will be lessened overall. If I am open to changes and the rocky road ahead, I will remain alert and less afraid of the challenges in front of me.

I’ve taken thousands of wrong turns and been surprised by the outcomes, both positively and negatively. But the road of happiness is not meant to be a pristine, smooth ride. It’s designed to teach you things about yourself, force you to react to hairpin turns and switchbacks, and test your guts on the pothole proving grounds. Otherwise, how do you know you’re alive?

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As of late

Recent weeks have significantly impacted my life. There have been major complications and setbacks that I never could have imagined, personally and professionally. The path ahead is incredibly uncertain and truthfully, we are forced to simply take things one day at a time and hope for the best. This is certainly one of the most challenging times in a very long time. That’s not to say my life hasn’t been an intensely uphill battle, because in honesty, I cannot think of a time where things were easy, or even ‘calm’. I’ve been surrounded by chaos as long as I can remember, and much of it was self inflicted because of poor life choices. That’s, in part, why things are chaotic now. My honey and I have both made some poor choices over the last couple years and those consequences are coming home to roost, leaving us with little choice but to take it as it comes and do our best. But this morning I had this overwhelming sense that regardless of what happens today, or what happened yesterday, today is a new day. I have the opportunity to greet the day soiled from yesterday’s mess, or I have the choice to see it as a clean slate in which I will write my actions and thoughts that will see me until tomorrow. And then, that too will be a new day. I can choose to walk through my day with love and positivity, to count my blessings, to revel in the little things that make my life worth living, or I can choose to let the day beat me I to submission, only to return to my bed broken and defeated. I’m 100% sure there are going to be bad things that happen today, but if I let them roll off me like water, I may not drown in the deluge. For the record: I hate the rain, but it provides us with food and cleaner air, and cools the hot summers. So there is good that comes from the torrents, you just have to choose to see the good, instead of the bad. So I am actively making a choice this morning, to see the positivity and to feel the love of this new day. I’m going to seize the opportunity to make it a good day, whatever comes.  

 

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Sometimes happiness just happens

The quest for personal improvement for the purpose of living a happier life can be daunting. It’s tough to focus on this set of goals that I feel will bring me closer to happiness, at least in my rational mind, on a more regular basis, while at the same time you have a million spinning plates that can send your daily life crashing down in a heap of shrapnel. Being acutely aware that one plate can destroy to rest in a blink is also an extremely stressful scenario that many of us face. I don’t see a week go by without someone I know having a meltdown or major anxiety due to one plate crashing or potentially crashing into everything they’ve worked so hard for. And maybe that’s part of the problem? We are trying to control a million moving parts while still seeking the elusive ‘happiness’ that many of us simply cannot even truly describe in real terms. 

I have experienced this myself recently. Without going into too much personal detail, I left a job that wasn’t really taking me anywhere in my quest for experience or happiness but it was full time and paid the bills. But an opportunity came across my plate in which I couldn’t deny. The pay was similar but the hours were cut in half from where I was. I took a leap and started the part time job, only to be offered a different job with a very well know hospital system. Those were full time hours, making even more money. But the downside was the flaming hoops I would have to jump through just made it seem less appealing. Instead, I decided to stay where I was at and we would just figure out the rest later. But strangely, at the same time another part time opportunity passed my way. The hours were perfect for my other job and the pay was good. So, basically my complete panic and fear was unnecessary because things were going to work out anyway. They actually worked out better than I hoped or expected. Granted, I have two jobs that are both quite high pressure, they are both exactly what I need at this time. Sometimes things just work out. They generally don’t work out the way we want them to, but by letting go of control over every detail, things can work out the way they’re meant to to bring us to the path we are destined to walk. 

This doesn’t mean I’m not still going to trying guide my path in the ways I think it should be, because let’s face it, I’m a control freak that needs to know and understand everything. I can’t just throw caution to the wind, it’s not my nature. But letting the universe work for me in it’s own way is something I need to incorporate more often into my life. The results are so far, pretty good. 



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Sensory happiness

It is said that everyone experiences different things differently through their five (or six) senses. Taste, smell, sight, touch, sound and perception are not just part of our current experiences, however. Instead it’s through these means that we also create our memories. And through these means, we have the incredible ability to have these memories triggered and come flooding back. While driving to work this very morning, that happened. I was listening to a station that plays EDM (electronic dance music) and because this form of expression was the background to some of my most ecstatic and also some of my darkest moments ever, many of those memories and emotions came flooding through me. Not only was I overcome with feelings and thoughts, I also felt immediately compelled to write about the experience.

It’s through the senses of overwhelming bass, the closeness of thousands of virtual strangers in my immediate proximity, the suffocating lack of breathable air, and the sights of hundreds to thousands of faces in the crowd and fantastic lighting was my ‘hobby’ of dancing formed. I remember the very first party I went to like it was yesterday, and yet it was more than 15 years ago. I feel like it’s been a lifetime since that night, and in reality, it has been. I have lost the majority of the people I was once very close to, but the closeness to dancing and music has never left me. In those moments, I have never felt so completely free. I have never been able to step outside myself in such a tangible and intangible way. Besides my other personal love, roller derby, the world has never made more sense.

I’m older now and gatherings have changed immensely, on top of the fact that I kind of like sleeping at night these days, that desire for escaping the world in a fury of bitchin’ dance moves is always something that I’m missing in daily life. It’s in those experiences that I was able to experience happiness though. A perfect, unique joy that can only be brought back via sudden memories, in this case driving to work, and the experiences themselves.

The take away message here: find your joy wherever you can. It is fleeting.

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