Tag: Happiness Project

The little things

I love the little things, the small hours, and watching the world rise from their slumber. I’m not a fan of waking up earlier and staying up later as a means of extending the hours in my useable day, but there are perks.

I get a secret glimpse into the lives of wandering animals, and how they use our yard as a means of survival, education, and relaxation. They drink out of the kiddie pool set up to keep our dogs cool in the blazing summer heat (not that they’re outside all the much, but a quick dip is always welcomed by our husky/lab). They raise their young and teach them the ways of their species… Kittens, insects, birds… You name it. We don’t get many squirrels or raccoons in this area of the world, so that’s probably for the best. Unfortunately, these little creatures have to learn about dogs too… Just a little later in the morning. 5am belongs to them, these small ones, before the world and the dogs are awake and running.

This is also the time of day I get to enjoy the stillness at home. The animals and husband are still nestled snugly in their beds, until the puppy starts to rustle, all is quiet. The cat and I often exchange pleasantries, but he is less interested once he has food. I get to take a few minutes to look at my to-do list, tidy up the living spaces, read or write something.

Even right now, it’s 6am and the dogs are play/fighting and the cat is doing acrobatics. There is such a narrow window, about 30 minutes, before the day starts. The question is how do I make them count?

Have a wonderful day!

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Going back to what I know

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Hello my faithful readers. Thank you all for continuing to support me since I’ve been touch and go. I appreciate all of your feedback and comments.

About today’s blog: I have been living through a pretty definitive shift in my life lately, much of which is out of my control. However, what IS in my control, is how I deal with these things. My usual method has to been to get angry, upset and withdrawn. These have been my “go-to” feelings when things are not the way I want them to be. However, since the inception of this blog and numerous vents to people close to my heart, it has finally settled into my brainhole that this simply does not work for me. I’m not sure that it ever did, but, damn I’m stubborn. Unfortunately, I’ve met my stubborn match, who is frighteningly similar to myself many years ago. More on that another time… Anyway, the point is that I am stubborn and I am in a relationship with another stubborn person. I am no longer able to get angry, upset and withdrawn if I want to continue to have a relationship with this person (which, obviously, I do).

Instead, I need to find the happiness that I’ve researched and written about at such length, but I also have to go back to what i know about myself, my spirit and my true self. These things are all intertwined within this person I call myself, and I am also significantly interwoven into the fabric of my life… my school, my work, my family and friends… we are all interconnected and I have been forgetting this, along with myself, in this recent time of internal and external struggle.

I also find that when I am struggling and getting angry, upset and withdrawn, instead of getting what I need, which is comfort, love, affection and just plain old attention, I get less and less of it. I’m guessing it’s because I’m being an ass and people don’t like that. I’ve also noticed that my negativity just compounds. Nobody likes that either, not even myself. I want to feel happy and joyous. I want to feel wanted, needed, needed and included, just like everyone else. The only difference is that I am getting swallowed up in the pit of despair, instead of finding the happiness that I know is not external, but an internal force. It’s just buried beneath the loneliness that I’ve been feeling lately with being isolated from those I love.

So, I have decided that I’m turning over a new leaf by going back to the old leaf that works. Spring is here (at least in my neck of the woods) and I need to be on the path to growth, rebirth, and rejuvenation. I’m going to start making it a point to focus on all the work that I put into researching and implementing changes over the last couple of years with this blog and rekindle my love for writing, and the pursuit of happiness. Great things are on the horizon friends, and I’m not going to wait for them to land in my lap. I’m going to run for it and seek out my bliss and do what I can to improve my coping skills and declutter my mind and heart. These things I know and these are the things that will guide me out of the pit and into the garden (figuratively and literally. More on that another time).

Again, dear readers, please note that I value each of you and any feedback you may have for me. I wish each of you the best on your respective journeys and hopefully you will also find your joys. Please feel free to share any stories or struggles, words of encouragement. I appreciate it all.

Take care and I’ll see you soon!

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Against Our Own Best Interest

I recently watched a TED talk that pointed toward why it is human beings act against their best interest. Generally speaking, it’s due to emotions. There are a bunch of things swirling in there but the basic idea is that the rational part of us shuts off when our emotions are involved in the process.

On a personal level, I’m just as guilty as anyone about this particular topic. Often, I make really stupid decisions because it’s for a friend or someone I love. I put myself too far out on the limbs, to the tippy-top scary branches when it’s for one of the people close to me. Similarly, it comes back to bite me. I like to joke about ‘no good deed goes unpunished’, and while it is in jest, there is an element of truth to that sentiment for me. I know that’s not exactly the world’s most positive notion, but happiness isn’t always about positivity… Sometimes it’s just about honesty.

Anyway, honesty is one of those tricky things, I’ve discovered. I watched another TED talk about spotting dishonesty and how to make the world a more honest place. I agree with honesty and it being the best policy, but as the speaker illustrated, white lies must exist to spare the feelings of others. I agree with this as well. Nobody wants to hurt their loved one’s feelings and telling them that the haircut they love makes their face look fat would be more hurtful than the lie.

Of course, there are gentle ways to tell the truth and whenever possible, these methods should be done, in my opinion. It’s when brutal honesty comes into play, can it be damaging to any relationship. I am generally direct but I really strive to be cautious of the feelings of others. With that being said, I have been struggling with some elements of brutal honesty lately. The struggle is that while I appreciate the fact that these people are extremely candid, what they are honest about has been tough to swallow.

Now this is where acting against my best interest comes full circle. I want these people to be happy and remain honest with me. Because of this, I have to act against myself and my own happiness. In many situations throughout my life, this boundary has been extremely skewed and one sided. Typically I’ve been left beaten up when all is said and done. Thankfully I’m learning to extend that boundary and give myself a little more space to deal with issues, so I am less weary by the end. But unfortunately I am still developing this skill. I still find myself at odds with what’s best for myself and the honesty context.

In summary, this is essentially just another reminder that I’m human. I am not necessarily as strong as I think and sometimes I over estimate my capacity to deal with things. On the other hand, human beings are know for coping with more adversity than they ever thought possible, which makes me think that rather than me being a super heroine with human elements, I’m simply a human with bouts of superhuman abilities. I really believe that each of us had this skill, it’s just a matter of cultivating it.

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Chaos and more

I have learned a many valuable lesson in my life and I think picking your battles wisely is one of the main ones. To bring it back to the heart of this blog, happiness, Buddhism and life… Right Speech, Right Action and Right Thought. I have recently gotten out of the habit of monitoring my thoughts, words and actions so closely as I did when I was sticking to the Happiness Project. I’ve also noticed that petty fights and arguments with people are damn hard to avoid sometimes. You’re having a regular conversation and suddenly you’re arguing about nothing. Also, in our modern world of hustle and bustle, being overwhelmed and exhausted causes more than it’s fair share of squabbles. And sometimes, I know I’m guilty, you’re just crabby or sensitive for no reason.

Another thing that I’ve realized is that the more involved you are with someone, with their life… the more arguments arise. So, naturally, you’re going to fight more with your spouse, kids, families… just due to proximity and level of intimacy. So you fight with the people you care about the most. Talk about irony. However, I’ve been forced to learn the hard way all of these lessons, and I’m still learning them. I find that as soon as I feel like things are going well, someone will say something hurtful and I’ll react or I’ll just be crabby and snap at someone, causing a HUGE blow out.

This is where picking your battles comes in. For most people when they are hurt or being sensitive, the hardest thing in the world is to say you’re sorry. All you want to do is make the hurt stop somehow and curiously, we often do it by hurting others and/or escalating the argument to “win” it. As everyone knows in their rational mind, this doesn’t work…. at all. It just wounds everyone involved, making reconciliation even harder to sometimes accomplish. However, if we make the rational choice to not react when we are hurt, we end many fights before they begin. I know as well as anyone that this is FAR easier said than done. But the fact remains.

Instead of reacting when you’re slighted or hurt, it gives you space to choose your words, thoughts and actions more carefully. Often it’s said that “it all happened so fast” in regards to a fight, it happens suddenly and gets nasty real fast. By taking that minute or second to think, instead of immediately snap back, it creates that slowing down of time. And better yet, it prevents you from saying things that you cannot take back.

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The words “I’m sorry” and “I love you” are incredibly powerful if they are said in truth. Passive-aggressive, placating “I’m sorry” doesn’t do the trick and telling someone you love them when you really don’t is one of the greatest sins people can make toward one another, in my opinion. It not only is a colossal lie, but it degrades what those words mean… they are the verbal expression of a very true and sincere feeling. It should never be taken lightly or tampered with. To me, love is sacred and when it’s taken for granted or used as the base for lies… there’s no coming back from that. It’s officially tainted.

However, if you’re fighting with someone, you can muster those words to spring true from within and you have the courage to say them to end or at least bring down the conflict, you are a strong person and on the right path. Sincerity is the key.

Anyway, fighting less and when you do fight, fighting kindly are great ways to eliminate chaos from everyday life. I had a good run there for a while, but with intense pressure and stress in my daily life, keeping that rhythm has been incredibly tough. I know it’s been tough on those around me because I’m definitely way more edgy these days, but I try my best. Everyday, I make the effort to touch base with important people, just to say hi, and let them know that they’re on my mind. I also do my absolute best at telling and showing those close to me that I love them and value their presence in my life. This is many times just a simple “thank you for everything”. Right now, I’ve noticed that I’ve been saying that particular phrase A LOT because I have a lot of people helping me keep myself together, and without them I’d surely be lost.

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