The world I know

There’s a song by the band Collective Soul with the same title as this blog entry. You can find it on YouTube HERE. Do yourself a favor, if you’re unfamiliar with the song, and check it out. It has gotten me through some very dark times in my life, and I feel like we are experiencing some of those currently around the world.

So, for the last several months, I’ve been not writing or blogging. Part of this was intentional. I have seen what other people in the coaching and “happiness” space have been doing, and I decided not to do the same. I have only been posting a motivational message on my coaching blog, more or less daily.

Anyway, the reason for this has been that I honestly didn’t have anything to contribute. That’s not to say that I don’t have an opinion, or feelings. Quite the opposite actually. I’m experiencing many of the same things as everyone worldwide at the moment, and I didn’t believe that I could contribute to the dialogue in a meaningful way. I have always been honest with my readers, and I felt as if I’d be doing each of you a disservice by spouting off some toxic happiness nonsense, or trying to make you feel bad for not coming out of quarantine with a college degree, million-dollar business idea, or some savvy new skill. That’s not my role here and it never will be. I typically only write when I feel I have something of value to share.

However, as time has marched on, I’ve realized that the feeling of “now I have something” is not likely to come in ways that I normally recognize, because as I mentioned, we’re all having a whole lot of shit going on right now. My voice may never be relevant, or I hope, it can speak to you directly and we can share a conversation.

In these trying times, which in the United States began early this year with COVID-19, and the extreme political atmosphere that created, we’ve been asked to move about the world very differently. The “normal” way of life has been cast aside for this new thing we call life. There are a great deal of things that needed to change, and are still rapidly changing as I write this. COVID really set the kindling, and the feelings around the death of George Floyd, which has sparked worldwide protesting and now, in the Twin Cities where I call home, it has spurred violence and military actions. This is a whole new world for us. It can never go back to “normal” for us to have learned from all of these recent events of 2020. If they do go back to that old way, there’s really just no hope for us.

Just a week ago, if you’d have told me that not only would there be riots in the streets across the world, but this would all be with the pandemic as a backdrop, I’d never have believed you. I never would have believed that there would be Neo-Nazi’s roaming my street at night trying to find houses to burn, or that the military would be guarding the hospital right down the street. I’d never believed that my city and cities all over would be burning to the ground. It’s an incredibly surreal time for us all. But there’s one thing that I would have believed and believe right this minute as I sit at my kitchen table typing away before my daughter wakes up, and it’s that people show up for each other. Right now, there are neighbors sweeping up the mess, donating food to those in need, protecting their streets in makeshift ways… but the fact is, they are showing up. They are stepping up. There’s a little bodega near us, and the owner has become a friend of ours. I check in with him, because he’s only 3 blocks from one of the hardest hit areas of violence. The stores that I used to shop at have been leveled. But he is still going to work everyday and offering food to anyone whether or not they can pay. There are restaurants that are giving away free hot food to the people clearing the wreckage. There are people donating food to schools and houses of worship, donating money to the rebuilding of our precious small businesses. They are all SHOWING UP.

There is nothing that I can say to better articulate the resiliency of the human spirit. Communities are coming together to fight injustice, to fight the fascists, and to clean up the mess left behind. I’m grateful for my community. They inspire me to do better and to BE better.

Am I ok right now? Sure, I guess. I sleep with my daughter in bed, because her room is street side and I don’t feel safe with her so close to the road. We are minutes away from the state capital, so everything there, the protests, the shootings, we are very close to. My partner stays up all night on “fire watch” listening to a police scanner and weapons, to protect our home from looting and possible arson. I stay up with him until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. I am still working during all of this, at home, thankfully. So I have to be able to sort of function as an employee and show up for my daughter who is not currently in school. We went from pretty much weaponless in our home, to sleeping in a room with guns at arm’s reach. Or the same kitchen table I work at during the day, gets converted to a damage control station equipped with the following: laptop, two-way radios, emergency medical kit, and rifle. We have bags packed of important things, like my work computer and our passports. This is no longer a world I recognize. But like the Phoenix, you have to burn to ash to be reborn, right? I feel like this is what’s happening. I don’t have a single clue what the days bring, but can say for certain that it’s not going back to “normal”.

Thank you for readiing.