Shadows

The work that is the hardest, lingers in the darkness. The pieces we must heal the most, are those who live in the shadows. These are the most difficult, because they are the most wounded parts of us: the trauma, the grief, the sorrows. We don’t want to uncover these sadnesses because they are painful, and many times they are easier left buried in the earth, never seeing the light of day.

However, in healing these broken bits, we find the wholeness of our true selves. For many of us, this is a lifelong endeavor. But guiding out the shards, leads to a lightness many of us have not felt in ages (if ever).

There is hard work in the shadows. Many tears and old wounds being laced open. Is it worth it? I can’t speak for others, but I can say this work is meaningful. It’s certainly not easy, however rewarding.

As longtime readers know, I’m on a quest to always seek into myself and I have done much shadow work. I’m never done. There are always old hurts to uncover, antiquated trauma responses that no longer serve a purpose. I uncover them often and I say their names, such as loneliness, abandonment, fear, and many, many more. By bringing them and their names to the surface, I’m able to process them, with all the tools I have now, instead of what I didn’t have when I buried them. It doesn’t make it easy. It just makes it real.

Living in this crazy, unrelenting, uncertain time makes everything amplified. Old habits, ways of thinking, responses, etc that simply have no place in my current story just make everything more complicated and situations that arise, muddier. Am I really feeling this way, or is it fear? Is this situation what I think, or am I running/pushing away? Sometimes it’s just so damn hard to know. There’s just too much noise to find the song. But what do I do? I’m still trying to figure that out, because I’m as guilty as anyone of doing self destructive things to cover pain or ignore it. But all I can do is try my best today, and tomorrow, and the next day, right? It’s all anyone can do. The best we can with what we have at the time.